Allow me to introduce you to our newest family member. This is Wally!

I first spoke of Wally in early June. I also told you that he had his own story. Read on if you care to!

I always knew I would have another kitty after Humphrey passed. As angry as I was at God, I knew He would bring another furry soul into my life. Remember? TRUST ME.

I had decided that we would give Wendy at Kitten Krazy a call at the end of June...and I was checking the website at least once a day looking at precious little faces. Yeah, well, you know what they say about best laid plans. Suddenly I had surgery scheduled for the end of June. So, I decided the end of July. Oh...I am so funny! It appears I still haven't caught on that my timing and God's timing aren't anywhere near being in synch.

Garry took Gus for a routine vet visit and came home with a message for me from Dr. Arends. Apparently she said, "You have to PROMISE to tell Melissa. I have a cat for you." Garry said, "I don't want a cat." She said, "I know. But tell Melissa." He said, "What's wrong with it?" She said, "Absolutely nothing. That's why I'm telling you about him. You guys need a break. I've already called and talked to the foster home. He's yours if you want him." As he is relaying this information to me I ask, "What color is he?" When he said black and white I started crying. I couldn't deal with another black kitty so soon...even though Hope had told me right after Humphrey passed that our next kitty would be black. I continued asking questions through the tears and found out that he had been found in a Wal-Mart parking lot about a year ago. He was rescued by Save Ohio Strays, named Wally, and put into foster care. Dr. Arends said she had kept him for awhile until a foster home opened up. I immediately went online and located his picture on the Save Ohio Strays website. I didn't get any feelings other than I was glad to see that he seemed to be EQUAL parts black and white.

The next couple of days I'd keep checking to see if he was still available and that silly face started growing on me. Garry called and made an appointment for us to meet him on a Sunday. I filled out the adoption application online...which by the way was only SLIGHTLY less involved than what we did for our girls! LOL I started to talk about him to Hope who immediately started calling him Sam because, and I quote, "MY favorite store is Sam's Club." So we called him Sam.

Sunday arrived and the family piled into the car to go and meet Wally...errr...Sam. When we got to the nice lady's home she welcomed us into her living room. Wally was in a large cage in the center of the room. Garry and the girls sat on the couch...I sat on the floor in front of the cage. I believe the nice lady's name was Teri. She opened the cage and Wally shot out. He went behind the couch, did a slow lap around the room, came up behind me, and laid down against my back. Yeah...I started crying. He rubbed up against me, let me pet him, and purred up a storm. He really didn't want much to do with Garry and the girls but what do you expect? Hope was dying to touch him and Claire was leaping around like a jumping bean! In case you haven't already figured it out, we brought him home! On the drive home Garry and I decided that he really "looked" like a Wally and tried to persuade Hope of the same. She came around, but only if his middle name was Sam. Thus was born Wally Sam!

If you haven't seen God's Hand in this yet, read on. When Horatio passed I told Garry that when I was ready for another cat I was going to ask Dr. Arends for assistance in choosing one. I trust her...yes I TRUST her. I never said anything to her...nor did he. He stopped into the clinic one afternoon for some food and as he was talking with her she said, "I'm scared to death Melissa is going to ask me to help her choose a cat. I don't want to! There just aren't any guarantees!" So when he came home in June and said SHE had a cat for me? Well, enough said.

Still need convincing? He and Gus get along so well it is scary. They eat together, play together, wash each other, and sleep on me in the bed together. I've NEVER had two cats get along as well as they do...and so quickly. It was literally a matter of DAYS.




And in case you are wondering...Wally is VERY much like Humphrey. He has MANY behaviors that were unique to Humphrey and whenever he demonstrates them, no matter how frustrated I may be, it is like receiving a hug from Heaven. He also has his own personality as well. We've decided that Wally is really an all white cat and that his black parts are from Humphrey. He is yet another precious gift from God to our family...and yes...he likes the girls too.

God's blessings to you! ")

P.S. If you've been wondering where I've been lately...I'm hanging out at facebook.com! Yep, I'm helping to show all those youngsters that folks over 40 can have a "social network" too! Come and visit...look me up! ")

So Mel...what's going on with...

1) Humphrey? Well, if you noticed the last post and the giant gap of time between posts I guess you've figured out that we lost our precious Humphrey. On the 17th I received news that *my* liver was just fine. On the 18th we received news that not only had the lymphoma spread to Humphrey's liver but he also had the start of fatty liver disease. There are NO words to tell you how badly this whole situation SUCKED. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone but even his oncologist used the same terminology. So, on the day after what we had always considered his birthday, we said good-bye to our boy. I can still hear Hopie screaming, "But Mama! I want to keep him!" Me too princess...me too.

All in all he was NOT a good cat! LOL He wasn't known for his good behavior. But as I told all of his doctors...

"That boy was such an anus…yes…I said anus. We used that word to describe him every single day. 'Humphrey stop being an anus!' 'You’re such an anus!” 'Stop anusing about!' You get the idea. That boy had not one single solitary shred of impulse control. If he wanted to do something he did it…repeatedly…for years. Yet the cat who destroyed more breakables than all of my other cats together, was the same cat who sat next to his brother Horatio until Horatio’s seizures would pass. The cat who would find the highest perch in our bedroom at 2 a.m. and yowl like his toenails were being ripped out, was the same cat who would awaken me in the middle of the night kissing my face. The cat who would get behind furniture and chew electrical cords was the same cat who would walk me upstairs to bed every single night…and perhaps that’s when I miss him the most. He would hear me getting an allergy pill…yes…most cats come when they hear food…he came when he heard my allergy pills. He’d appear from wherever he’d been…and God only knows what he’d been doing there. He’d meow, raise that two foot long tail straight up in the air, I’d take hold if it, and he’d lead me up the stairs."

I miss him more than I ever imagined I would. The house is too quiet...I have much more time on my hands now that I don't have to keep an eye on his activities 24/7. Do I want another one like him? Absolutely not. Would I take *him* back? In a heartbeat.

I played "what if" for weeks...what if I would've noticed the lump sooner...what if we didn't let them operate...you get the idea. It was pointless and all it did was make me feel guilty...I believe I've read it's called survivor's guilt. I also spent a great deal of time being more angry than I ever thought I could be at God. For the life of me I still can't figure out WHY He'd want Humphrey back. One night in the shower (and you know that's where He does all of His talking to me) I was sobbing and basically saying what I just did here. I said, "What do you want me to do!!!???" Loud and clear I heard, "Trust me." I think I went certifiable right after that. "TRUST YOU??? ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING??? AND YOU STILL TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME!!!!" For those who haven't known me for darn near all of my life, I trust no one. Honestly, I think The X-Files snagged my tagline. So to be asked to trust? He knew He was asking something major. Oh mercy...I've got a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

Long story short, I'm going to trust Him. It ain't easy...but I guess following His plan for our lives isn't. I choose to believe that something good will come of all of this. I don't know...maybe Hopie will grow up and find the cure for feline lymphoma...or human lymphoma. I would never ever say that to her though. If she's meant to do that I want her to go in that direction ON HER OWN.

2) Mel? My MRI guided biopsy went well...or so we thought. The results came back benign and we celebrated with pizza and donuts! And then several days later we got the radiologist's report that said something to the effect of "I'm not confident I biopsied the right spot." Well isn't that special? In the meantime the spot he *did* biopsy became infected. So I spent ten days on antibiotics every 6 hours...even set the alarm to go off at 4 a.m. so I wouldn't miss my early morning dose! AND to top it off, this radiologist is the *only* guy in these parts that does the MRI thing. SO, at the end of the month I have to go BACK to him and he is going to insert a guide needle/wire into the spot (please pray he gets the right one LOL) and then I will be wheeled into surgery where MY surgeon who we trust completely will remove WHATEVER this little blip is that is causing so much concern. She (my surgeon) said she truly thinks it's nothing but with two small kids at home that depend on me, she's not taking any chances. Soooo...what was that message that I got about trusting? ")

3) The state of Chinese adoptions? Aye carumba...please pray for everyone still waiting. The CCAA just last week completed matching parents with LID's up to November 7, 2005. YES I SAID 2005!!! People whose papers were logged in two months after OURS are just now seeing a picture of their baby's face for the first time. CCAA has also told at least one country to expect the WAIT...that's AFTER you send your papers to China...to be up to THREE YEARS. My heart ACHES for these people.

4) THE Agency? Don't get me started. This is a MAJOR challenge for me to try and remain even the slightest bit positive. I have so much anger and bitterness directed towards these folks. I work every single day to let SOME of it go. Eventually I pray that with God's help I can let ALL of it go.

We are required to send monthly progress reports for the first year after returning home with Claire and then quarterly for the next two years. We are also required to send pictures with the reports. Well...like the dutiful servants that we are we signed everything the agency gave us and sent everything we were supposed to for Hope. We later found out that the 4-5 pictures we were sending each and every month were NOT going to China as we had been told verbally. The pictures were being used in all manner of the agency's publications both in print and online. We were never notified when our pictures were used...and by the way each and every picture we ever sent them has our name and address printed on the back...we found out five different times by accident. The first couple of times it was kind of flattering...then it just got creepy. I mean, how many pictures do they receive each month and they've used us five times that we know about? How many other instances DON'T we know about? Hope's face was plastered on every single page of the China portion of their website...now removed thank heavens! There are too many creepy folks out there that I don't want having unrestricted access to my girls' pictures.

So when the post placement packet arrived for Claire and I opened the booklet...there was Hope's face staring back at me again. I literally went ballistic. This is a new publication and they are still using her pictures. We haven't sent them a new picture of her since February of '05. Upon further reading there was a waver that we were told to sign basically saying that we give up all rights to our photos and this adoption agency can use them any way they want to. Again...ballistic. Hormones in overdrive I vowed I wasn't going to do ANY post placement save the two visits with our social worker...no monthly reports, no pictures, NOTHING! After I let that eat at me for about a month I decided I couldn't do that and remain healthy. So, I've been doing two months worth of reports at a time. Along with the reports I send one page of thumbnail photos printed off of our computer. At the bottom of this sheet is this statement:

"The Hageman Family requests that (insert the agency's name here) NOT use our photos for any reason without express written permission from us. We will not be signing the release included in the post placement packet. We feel as if (your agency) has overused the photos of our oldest daughter, Hope. While we are flattered that you think she is so photogenic, we would respectfully ask that you stop using her likeness in all new materials. (Your agency) receives countless pictures from parents who would be thrilled to see their daughters’ faces printed in the agency’s materials. Regrettably, we are not one of those families. We feel very uncomfortable granting strangers carte blanche with our daughters’ likenesses.

Thank you for your understanding in this matter,
signed...dated..."

Snarky? Probably. But honestly folks, we've had enough. Not only don't we like not knowing when and for what purpose our baby's likeness is being used, but we don't want anyone to SEE those pictures and think we endorse the services they are about to receive from this agency. I pray with ALL of my heart that no one else has to go through what our family went through with this place. And I'll say it again...it's not just this agency! There are problems with many other adoption agencies.

Garry called the probate court to ask a few questions about readopting Claire. Yes, we have to readopt for our COUNTY. The gal he spoke to said, "Your agency should be helping you with this! Who are you working with?" He told her. She said, "Oh...I've heard they're not very helpful."

On Friday, May 25th we received a letter from said agency. It was full of legalese and basically the only thing I could get out of it was that our home study was going to expire...to which I thought, "big deal". However as you read further there were statements saying, "You will lose your status as an adoptive home!" "You must sign and return this by May 31st!" And what was I seeing in my head? "YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE YOUR DAUGHTERS!"

On the verge of throwing both girls in the car and heading for the state line I called Garry and read it to him. He couldn't make sense of it either. He called the agency and actually got the person who had sent it out. Ok, get this...all it was saying was that if you think you're going to want to adopt AGAIN you need to sign it and return it before the end of the month when your home study expires. If you don't do that then you have to start all over again. He assured her that we would never completely lose our minds and want to go through the process yet again. When she complained to him that she had been fielding phone calls all day over the letter he suggested that perhaps said agency should include a cover letter that EXPLAINED the legalese as she just had.

Yet, in true agency fashion, the letter was dated May 18th...we received it on the 25th...it had to be back in their hands by the 31st. That was Memorial Day weekend...so it couldn't have gone back out in the mail before the 29th. If we DID want to do this again there was a sentence at the bottom of the form saying that $1000 would be needed for the update and if we wanted to use said agency they'd need another $1000 for post placement. Hey y'all...I don't know about you, but we always have an extra $2000 or so lying around.

Done...stepping down from my SAID AGENCY soapbox now.

5) The girls? They are FABULOUS! Absolutely the reason I get out of bed each and every day. Claire is cruising the furniture like nobody's business and eats like a linebacker! That kid will eat anything...and I do mean anything...doesn't have to be food! LOL She lights up like a Christmas tree and squeals with delight when she sees her sister each morning. They are starting to interact with each other and it is just a joy to watch. Of course, with that interaction sometimes comes conflict...not so joyous...but normal!

Hopie finished her first year of preschool and is already looking forward to going back in the fall and being in "The Big 4 Year Old Class" as she calls it. Realizing that she will be starting Kindergarten next year...well...it's simply a terrifying thought! LOL She's excited about going to Vacation Bible School for the first time at the end of the month. Her favorite activities include eating outside on the patio at her new picnic table, playing with Play-Doh, and anything having to do with Disney's Little Einsteins.

Claire's favorite pastimes? Taking off her pants when I'm not looking, ridding her feet of those accursed socks, pulling the barrettes from her own hair AND her sister's, and calling Gus..."Ki-ki-ki-ki". For those of you who don't speak 14 month old that's "Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty"! ")

Speaking of kitties...we're going to go meet a prospective new furry member of the family tomorrow evening. He has his own story which I will share later. Let's just say that Hopie has already named him and in true Mel fashion, once I saw his picture I knew he was mine.

Until next time be blessed...

A little early...but it needs to be done!

Things I Am Thankful For

1. I am eternally grateful to everyone who has taken the time to call, pray, email, or speak with us personally over this latest mess. I couldn't possibly name all of you without forgetting someone, so I'm not even going to try. Please know that it means so very much to us to have your support!

2. The group of babies that was just referred to our agency were from Jiangxi. We had requested that if it be at all possible, we would like our daughter to be from Anhui, just like Hope. A sign? Perhaps!

3. I have had curly AND wavy hair since oh...I don't know...fourth grade? When we returned home from China my curl disappeared...all of it. I joked with many people who say pregnancy hormones completely change your hair...so do adoption hormones! I also joked that I knew it would be time to bring Claire home when and if my curls returned. They are back, as well as the waves...with a vengeance.

4. Thank you TLC for running a week's worth of stories dealing with international adoption on "A Baby Story". If you are unfamiliar with this show you can learn more here. I've watched many babies being born and while it is heartwarming I have no personal point of reference for the experience. This week however, watching babies being handed to new parents in airports, government buildings, and orphanages...well, this I get...and I've needed Kleenex's every single day. Today was China and although I've seen this episode before it was no less touching than the first time. The mother was traveling with her sister, while daughter number one from China stayed home with her daddy. In his words, and I can't remember if I've posted this before or not, so bear with me, "Yes, I'm going to miss not having the same experience I did the first time. But things are different the second time around." Amen.

5. Thank you God above for my precious husband. I wouldn't even be alive today had I not met him. And yes, most people who don't know him think he's very much like "House" on the television show of the same name. However, within our little family he is the kindest, gentlest, most patient and loving individual I've ever known. The man keeps me sane and stable.

6. Another giant thank you to our Heavenly Father for my girls. Kim, my little sis who is more grown up than I am; Jennifer, my separated at birth twin who has opened my heart and mind to so much more than I ever could've imagined; Rachael and Alicia who I couldn't love anymore if I *HAD* given birth to them; Hope An-Li, there are no words to describe how deeply I love this gift from God; and my Claire, I don't know what you look like...I don't know where you are...but I love you with my whole heart baby girl and I can't wait to meet you.

7. Ok, so 7 is a partial repeat...I'm going to talk about Hope some more! We've had almost two full weeks of no tears at preschool. She's been upset about her own things...and what with the tension in the house over the current adoption, things were bound to boil over soon. One morning at breakfast she asked me, "When Daddy go to China, he will come back?" Yet another time she opened up with, "When Mama hold Claire, she will still hold Hopie?" Lots of talking...lots of reassuring...lots of EXTRA holding. She's amazing.

She's also HILARIOUS! She's obsessed with Disney's "Little Einsteins". Again, if you'd like more information visit them here! Every so often she'll throw out, "Mama? Who's Mozart?" My personal favorite this week was, "Mama? Who's Georges Bizet?" She's also become highly proficient at, well, how do I describe it? You know how kids put their tongues in and out of their mouths really fast and make a...I don't know..."blethu, blethu, blethu" sound? LOLOLOLOL Ok, well, my daughter performs Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov's "Flight Of The Bumblebee" that way. You can't make this stuff up friends!

And lastly, this weekend we went to Sugarcreek in Amish Country. We ordered a new kitchen table from Andreas and as you HAVE to do when in Amish Country, we ate too much! Monday morning while I was getting her dressed I asked her where she went on Saturday. Her answer? "Boogercreek!" We both collapsed in a fit of giggles until we were both gasping for air. Probably NOT my best parenting moment but the kid knows when she's got me!

8. A final thank you for my boys...Humphrey and Gus who make each and every day special in one way or another! And Garth and Horatio who are God's lap cats...for now!

Still nothing to report officially.

Garry talked to Chris at the agency last week. She said that CCAA was going to update their website that week. They didn't. My best guess? The computers are all screwed up with the move. Isn't it so cute how I can come up with a logical explanation?! Creating order out of chaos...that's me...Super Mel.

Let's see...Garry asked Chris about our LID. Oh my friends, good news simply ABOUNDS! Depending on which reviewer at the CCAA she talks to...who knows? One told her it was August 25th, 2005, and another told her it was September 5th, 2005. So, we don't know and we WON'T know until somebody from the agency calls us and tells us we have a baby.

Our CIS fingerprints are going to expire. I am beyond thrilled (read with HEAVY sarcasm) at this. When we turned in our final paperwork I put this little note on the fridge that said something like, "CIS fingerprints expire August 31, 2006. Call in May of 2006 to reschedule and notify the agency of the date." I remember laughing and saying to Garry, "We won't need to worry about this!" HA!

The fur has FINALLY started to fly on the Yahoo boards concerning our agency's new travel policy. Apparently there are some other folks who feel as if they've been taken advantage of just like we do. I can't say that it's going to change the situation, but it kind of makes me feel better. At least now I KNOW that it's not just us. Some of these folks are coming up with some verrrrry creative ways to get around the new policy. I am watching with great interest!

So, in the last post I told you that I had told God that I couldn't do this anymore. Still feel that way...still true. This week, He reminded me that several months ago I told Him that I didn't THINK I could do it anymore. His answer this time, was the same as several months ago. He said, "If you could hold Horatio and comfort him while he passed, then you can get through this wait." I know He's right...I know it...but it is just so incredibly frustrating. Everyone is trying to apply logic and rules and mathematical principals where there AREN'T any!

A million and twelve thanks to Jeannie, who called me last night to reschedule my dentist appointment. She told me her computer had crashed and wanted to know if we had any news of Claire yet. When I told her no she said, "Then we'll just keep praying."

Another million and twelve go out to Sandy, a member of our first travel group. She read the last post and emailed me letting me know that our wait this time was extremely similar to their wait for their first daughter, Zoe. She said, "After the going nuts stage, I just kind of checked out…coasted in a fog." I am SO there now friends. Coasting in a fog is the way to go.

And thanks to each and every person who reads this and "listens" to me whine. I know there are a lot of you who check in every now and then and although you may not let me know, I know you are praying...it means the world to all of us.

On a happier note...while running errands this weekend we were inundated with "signs". The Disney Store was filled with new baby items sporting Dumbo and Timothy on them...we bought several to add to the stuffed Dumbo we had already purchased for Claire. AND, it seemed that no matter where we were, the lullaby I have chosen for Claire, "Baby Mine", was playing somewhere in the background. Yes, people in Target and Toys-R-Us probably wondered what I was bawling about, but you know what? Who cares?! Let them wonder!

Announcing the latest addition to the family. Meet Capt. Augustus McCrae...known informally as Gus. He joined our family on April 19th and loooooves to relax! Anywhere from two to ten years old (we're thinking younger because when he plays he's INSANE!) he's very good with Hope and knows that when she comes running towards him he needs to get the heck out of the way...something little Horatio never learned. He and Humphrey get along in short supervised bursts but as Garry says, "Gus is just like a bear. If you run from him he's going to chase you." Chase Humphrey he does...and since Gus still has front claws Humphrey is getting plenty of exercise. Yet just yesterday they were sitting next to each other and looking out the back door. There is always hope! Gus is currently the star of the Kitten Krazy homepage and you can find a picture of him with Hope at the site under "Tails Of Success".

We received our package from Asia Threads last weekend. What an emotional roller coaster that was. To read about and to imagine where your daughter was found is one thing, to actually see a picture of it is another. Garry and I are both relieved that we didn't have a chance to visit her finding place because just seeing the pictures are grueling enough. The area is clean and busy. It is not that it is a horrible area that makes the pictures so rough to look at. It's the fact that we can't look at them without imagining our precious girl wrapped up and lying in front of the gates of the elementary school. I will not be posting these pictures here or anywhere else. When Hope is old enough to understand, if she wants to share them, then that will be her decision. We also received pictures of the orphanage where she was placed, the police station she was taken to, the city of Anqing, and the city of Hefei. When we joined this project we provided a letter and several pictures of Hope that would be translated and given to the orphanage. In one of the pictures we received, an orphanage worker is looking at the pictures that the parents had sent and there are our Hope's pictures, front and center. What a wonderful surprise!

Those who received their referrals in late April are leaving for China on the 31st! Congrats to them and to those who just received their referrals this week. We're getting there...we're getting there!

Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and I'll be sure to keep you posted!

***Jennifer...email me...or post in your blog so I, and the rest of your friends can stop worrying about you!***

We are broken. We are bloodied. We hurt. But we are not beaten and we will never be defeated.

This last week was one of the hardest we have ever lived through. Our precious Horatio passed quietly in my arms on Saturday the 28th. He had been hospitalized all of that week and was sent home on Friday the 27th in hopes that being home would help him improve. It did not. Sadly, I had not seen the Horatio I had grown to love so much since we visited him at the hospital on Sunday the 22nd. I now know why I fell so in love with him so quickly...he was only going to be with us for a very short time. He was with us for 1 year and 5 months out of his 1 year and 9 month lifespan. He touched everyone's life that he came in contact with. He was truly the kindest, sweetest, gentlest soul I have ever known. He was obviously placed into our lives for a purpose and having completed his task, he was called home.

Secondly, and only slightly less disheartening, we received a call from EAC last week telling us that CCAA had made a clerical error. Although our true LID is August 25th, we've been logged in with a September 5th date. They are trying their hardest to get CCAA to correct the error but things don't look favorable. What does this mean? Well...the CCAA website says they've now matched babies to families with LID's up to May 13th. They are now on vacation for Chinese New Year. Taking that into account I can't imagine that they would get anywhere near an August LID until April or May...let alone our *new* September LID. And so...we continue to wait.

But, as always, God in His wisdom knows best. He never puts us through more than we can bear without reaching out and holding us gently in the palm of His hand. Apparently Claire isn't ready for us yet. Or perhaps we need this delay so that we can go back to Anhui again. Only God knows...and frankly...I like it that way.

As dismal as Saturday was, God placed one of the brightest moments of joy into my life. First of all, it was close to 60 degrees here and SUNNY. That in and of itself is a miracle for January 28th in Ohio. When Hope went down for her nap I did the dreaded empty all the meds in the toilet, mop the floor where he had his last accident, empty his food and water bowl etc. tasks. It looked so beautiful outside it was fairly beckoning me to come outside and take a walk. A chance to walk in the sunshine and clear my head sounded wonderful. Garry made me promise to come home…and off I went. About two blocks from home out of absolutely nowhere, this giant black and white cat literally bowled me over. I have never seen this cat before and believe me, Hope and I know ALL the kitties on our walking route! As I was sitting there on the cold sidewalk this cat jumped up on my knee and rubbed me the exact same way that Horatio did the first time I held him. This angel kitty also purred just like Horatio did before he got so sick. And, possibly the one that got to me the most…this kitty smelled like Horatio. I sat there for a good long time savoring each and every moment and smiling all the way down into my heart. I know without a doubt that Horatio is in Heaven and is absolutely happy, healthy, and WHOLE.

Lastly, yesterday marked yet another joyous occasion. Two years ago yesterday, my baby girl was placed into my arms for the first time. Thank you God.

And, so you see...

We are broken. We are bloodied. We hurt. But we are not beaten and we will never be defeated.

Ok...remember this statement from a couple of posts ago?

"We are all just trying to smile and keep positive attitudes while we work through the junk!"

Well folks, the junk continues. I've kept smiling and kept my positive attitude...until today. (Linda, please note the day of the week!) In short, the last couple of weeks have been absolutely exhausting both mentally and physically. Why you ask? Read on...or not! :)

1. For reasons I don't care to get into on the worldwide web, Hope became frightened of darn near everything. It started with a couple of our Halloween decorations which I immediately put away. It then progressed to things like the television...so much so that she wouldn't even enter the family room to play with her toys. After that it could be anything...things hanging on the walls or sitting on an end table that have been there for years...Humphrey...you name it. The child who chased Humphrey through the house trying to pet him was now crying if he was even in the same room with her. After a lot of love, talking, and extra attention she's just about back to her normal happy self and all is right in her little 2 year old world...and she's chasing Humphrey through the house trying to pet him again!

REASON TO SMILE? It's over...we lived through it...and she now knows that TALKING about something that bothers her is a good thing.

2. The tendonitis in my foot is trying to creep back. After 10 days on Prednisone it was feeling better and I had about a week of pain-free normalcy. Don't get me wrong, it's still better than what it was, it's just so dang ANNOYING! Add this to the fact that during those 10 days on Prednisone I ate darn near anything that wasn't moving I now feel, in the words of Gaston from Disney's Beauty & The Beast, "...I'm roughly the size of a baaaaaarrrrge!"

REASON TO SMILE? The foot does feel better...it has its good days and bad days. I've been able to cross one med off of my daily who gets what and when calendar! Please notice I didn't say I *am* the size of a barge, only that I *feel* like I'm the size of a barge. There is a big difference! I've worked long and hard to change those evil thought processes!

3. I’ve been working in Claire’s room cleaning out the closet…tossing things…putting things in a pile for a yard sale…organizing. My wedding dress is in a big storage box on the top shelf. On top of that were some of my old toys and a bunch of my baby things that my mother insisted I take. As I was reaching for something on top of the box, a box containing my old electric baby food dish toppled off and fell to the ground. I ignored it and continued to go through things. A few minutes later I went to pick it up and there, underneath it, on my cream colored carpet, was a straight line of about ½ dozen dime sized spots of SOMETHING that was deep forest green. I touched it and it was wet and oily. I opened the box containing the dish and all three compartments were FULL of this green oily slime. I grabbed it, wrapped it in some old blanket that was nearby and raced it downstairs to the trash. I spent the next block of my time trying to get it out of my carpet. I think I’ve got most of it…can’t really see it but if you get too close you can smell the stuff! ICK!

REASON TO SMILE? When we got the carpet we got really GOOD carpet. The guy told us that if we ever needed to cut any out and patch it you’d never be able to see it. AND the wretched thing only leaked on my carpet. It must’ve dribbled out of the compartments when it fell…there was NOTHING on the outside of the box of my wedding dress. Although I told Garry that I’d almost rather that it was on the dress instead of the carpet. I can’t imagine either one of my girls ever wearing a 10 in anything!

4. So much for any of us rotating out of our 8 or more week periods of ringworm meds. Yes, The Hageman Family will now and forever be known as The Fungal Family. Horatio and I presented right around the same time in late August and started our meds in early September. He's officially done today but read on. I'm still applying the cream. All three of my spots are very faint and almost gone. Once they are gone I still need to use the cream for two more weeks. Hope got her little happy spot early in October. So far she only has one and the over the counter stuff her nurse recommended is working great. Humphrey started his bout in late October and his earliest cut-off date is December 2. However, to prevent Horatio becoming re-infected we will have to continue with his meds until Humphrey has had no new spots for two weeks and hair has begun to re-grow.

REASON TO SMILE? Garry has been spared. The meds are definitely working. No one is itching like crazy anymore. The vets will have to administer the meds while we are in Florida for 10 days! Let me tell you...giving a cat liquid medicine twice a day is not a fun proposition. Horatio does much better than Humphrey...whom during administration is known as "El Diablo".

5. Wednesday night I heard this weird hissing noise…but I could only hear it in the laundry room. I asked Garry if he heard anything. He said no…I told him to listen in the laundry room. He did and said it was coming from downstairs. He went downstairs and our hot water heater had sprung a leak. Honestly, the first thing out of my mouth was, "GREAT!" The first thought was, "Gads...what next?"

REASON TO SMILE? Hope had already had her bath for that night. Our builder was a genius and has the basement set up so that if something like that ever happened that it simply drains down a small slope and into the drain in the floor. I quickly took a shower with what was left while Garry filled the sink to wash the dishes. We had the new one installed by dinner time the next day by a really nice young guy…couldn’t have asked for anyone better. It could've happened while we were on vacation...but it didn't. It could've sprayed everything all over the basement...but it didn't. It could've blown up...but it didn't! Those three statements were my next thoughts right after the discovery and I held on to them for DEAR LIFE! ")

6. Last Thursday, while the new hot water heater was being installed, I sat down to work on Hope’s Halloween costume. I was, seriously, about an inch away from being done when my sewing machine literally ate her costume. I could not free it no matter what I did. Garry had to take the miserable thing apart and then I was finally able to gingerly work the costume out…however during it’s adventure there was now a cigarette burn sized hole in it…along with a couple of oil stains. Friends, I had just about reached my limit! LOL I simply went into my office while Garry worked on putting the machine back together and played on my computer and tried not to cry.

REASON TO SMILE? After he finished I went right back to it and finished that last inch. And now I know why I was able to find an exact match between red thread and red t-shirt...have you ever tried to match reds? It was so I could mend the hole and no one would see it. I also know why I decided to start on the back instead of the front! I worked on the front all afternoon on Friday and finished it Saturday. YAY!!!

I don't mean to offend anyone or their beliefs by what I'm about to say. I figure everybody reading this already knows what I believe and either shares those beliefs or loves me in spite of them! ; )

I truly believe that God has been allowing Satan to poke and prod at me so that I can be ready for our next great adventure. This may simply be our trip to Disney World this month or it could be our trip to China next year. In any case my patience and strength of will obviously needed some work. Heaven knows that a flight of *any* length can be pretty stressful when you have a two year old along. I just hope I passed the test because I've had enough for awhile!

I remember going through a stage of very intense anger and frustration during the waiting period for Hope's referral. Well, I guess today begins (and hopefully ends!) that stage for Claire. I simply had reached my limits and took it out on some poor woman who called to tell me that, "Since I was such a good customer I qualified for blah, blah, blah." When I asked her why she didn't tell all of this to Garry when she called two nights ago she said, "I can't. It's federal law. It's to protect your privacy." Ok...so if Garry would've said he was me, then you would've spoken to him? "Are you saying you'd like to be placed on our Do Not Call list ma'am?" I said, "Ma'am I've asked REPEATEDLY to be placed on your Do Not Call list." "Well ma'am I have to read you a disclaimer!" I really don't remember a whole lot after that other than I'm pretty sure I heard myself raising my voice...and I know I told her to leave me alone several times...and then I hung up on her. ::sigh::

Am I whining? Probably. But my BIG point here is that several years ago any ONE of these things would have immediately triggered a migraine headache, anorexia, or a 2 a.m. trip to the emergency room for some much needed drugs to stop the uncontrollable nausea and its side effects. I am amazed at how far God has brought me and how much strength He has given me. I don't have time to get sick! I have an incredible, God given family I need to take care of and enjoy! Thank you God for Garry, Hope, Humphrey, Horatio...and Claire too! You have blessed me beyond my wildest imagination!

Until next time y'all!

Greetings from Hageman Healthcare and Feline Pharmacy. Life does tend to get in the way whenever I try to sit down and type an update for y'all.

A month or so ago on one of my many stops to our local pharmacy I made this comment to our pharmacist, "I need just ONE more pill, liquid, or cream to administer every day and then I will officially be getting nothing done." I will NEVER make that statement again. SEVERAL pills, liquids, and creams later I have a daily calendar I have to look at to see who gets what and when! LOL Again, nothing is truly serious and soon a couple members of Hageman Healthcare will be rotating out of several of their meds. We are all just trying to smile and keep positive attitudes while we work through the junk! Thanks to everyone who has prayed and asked about our Horatio. For those of you who don't know about our mystery miracle kitty, he has a seizure disorder of unknown cause. He has WONDERFUL doctors who have him on great drugs that keep things settled down or most times, dare I whisper...normal! He's been having some problems with dosages and when we play with dosages the seizures return. He's been seizure free for several days and things seem to be returning to blessed normal.

How's about an update on Hope's passport? After waiting the full six weeks and a few days longer, Garry called the terrific ladies at our local title bureau and asked them for some help. Apparently we've been *the* topic of conversation for those full six weeks and a few days. The woman who answered the phone transferred him to the lady who had helped us fill out the papers. She first told him not to worry and then told him that she had thought about calling us and asking us if we had received Hope's passport but didn't want to intrude. Do you know where passport applications are sent to? New Orleans. Do you know when Hope's was sent? The week of Hurricane Katrina. Garry was given a toll free number to call to check on the status of her passport. ALL of her important papers made it safely OUT of New Orleans and were sent to Charleston, where at the time of the phone call her passport was being worked on. The woman he spoke to assured him that they were in possession of all of her documents and that they would all be returned with the new passport. She was correct. We have everything back in our hot little hands and I've thanked God repeatedly. This whole thing has served to put things into some form of perspective for me too. You know, there are people in New Orleans who have lost EVERYTHING and I'm worried about some silly papers that we have copies of and yes, it would be a huge hassle to file for new ones, but we would eventually get them. Life's too short...no more worrying over paperwork.

Still no official LID to report. We've asked the only two people we know of to ask. One didn't know and the other ignored the question! LOL Garry did speak to Chris at the agency last week and she said things are tracking normally and that we should expect our first pictures of Claire in February! YAY!

Enjoy your week and hugs to y'all!