I've held it together for this long...and right now I feel like a shell of what I should be...no...more like a dried husk.

I won't bore you with all of the details but about six months ago I had a pretty scary health moment. Over a period of 2-3 months I had three ultrasounds, an MRI, a CT scan, and an ultrasound guided biopsy. Praise God on high everything turned out just fine!

Recently I went in for my six month follow-up MRI. Again...they found "something". I had to have an ultrasound and they couldn't find the "something" on it. So now I have to have an MRI guided biopsy. I can only imagine that's an "in the machine...out of the machine...in the machine...out of the machine" procedure. I also had my 6 month follow-up CT scan yesterday...no results yet...and frankly I'm glad. I don't WANT any more results.

God has held me up and kept me strong during all of this. I know it's Him because strong is really not a word I would ever use to describe myself. I had a doctor tell me recently, "I'm sorry this ruined your Easter." WHAT? I said, "This didn't ruin my Easter! You can't ruin Easter!" And you know what is even more amazing to me that I said that? The fact that I BELIEVE it! How can you ruin God's promise of everlasting life?! He looked at me like I was nuts...whatever! His loss!

I've been no stranger to health scares for the last 5-6 years. They used to petrify me and render me absolutely useless. Now I can actually function and find myself FORGETTING about them most of the time. I have decided I will NOT live my life from crisis to crisis. I'm going to enjoy each and every day of life that God grants me.

Now, what is TRULY bothering me? Humphrey. Here is this gorgeous creature that God has placed in my care for the last ten years. The week Garry left for China Humphrey presented with a lump on his foot which turned out to be cancer. The toe was removed...it spread to his lymph nodes. He went through two different types of chemo...nothing. He had one big whompin' surgery on the 6th to remove one big whompin' lymph node. He came home the 9th...looking like Franken-Kitty with a huge scar and a lot of shaved areas...but he was still Humphrey. As the days went by he became more and more listless...ate less and less...finally stopped eating all together. We took him in yesterday and they gave him some fluids and some appetite stimulants. He was much happier...ate a little bit...but still not Humphrey. He went back to the hospital today where they are keeping him for 24 hours on an IV to completely rehydrate him. If he doesn't start eating on his own, they'll syringe-feed him. Sounds horrible...it isn't...they did that with Garth once and he bounced back just fine. So why am I so worried? They did an ultrasound and a biopsy of his liver today. There are cells present that don't belong there. They could be the start of fatty liver disease...or they could be the lymphoma that has spread. The sample was sent out to the lab and we'll know for sure tomorrow. At this point we are all praying for fatty liver disease because even though it is horrible it can be turned around. If it is lymphoma...well...the chemo doesn't work.

What do I *want* to do? I want to go outside, stand in the middle of the street, scream at the top of my lungs and throw rocks at cars. I want to toss every single thing off of my desk and slam it into the wall. I want to take a sledge hammer to the side of my house. What *will* I do? I'll continue to pray on Humphrey's behalf. I'll continue to believe that God knows what He is doing even though I can't fathom why we'd be going through this with yet another kitty in such a short time span. And of course, I'll cry. You know...I haven't until today...and they just won't stop.

Well, the phone just rang with my CT scan results. Praise God, everything is fine and I do NOT have to have any further follow-up having to do with that part of the problem. Which, strangely, makes me feel worse. Again, I can handle *my* scares...it's the ones where ANY of my kids are concerned that simply tear me up. I called Garry and gave him the good news...and then sobbed. He said, "It's ok to get good news. You don't have to feel guilty about YOU getting a good report. Your report and Humphrey's report are mutually exclusive events." I *know* he's right...but at this point in time, that doesn't make me feel any better.

So I guess while we're waiting for his results and while he's in the hospital I can go back to sleeping in my bed. Yes, I was sleeping on the bathroom floor with Humphrey. He had to be confined so he wouldn't pull his surgical staples out jumping, climbing stairs etc. I wanted to be with him every minute I could. If you think I'm nuts, there's nothing I can do to change your mind! He's my child and has been since God sent him to me all of those years ago. Deal with it!

Hope stayed home from preschool today. She's coming down with something. I was almost grateful. This morning was filled with chicken noodle soup, applesauce, Tylenol, and Vicks. It was almost a blessing having a patient who could TELL me what was wrong.

In her short life she has lost two of the only four kitties she has ever known...and believe me...she's worried about Humphrey too. Yesterday she said, "Mama? Is Humphrey going to be all right?" I told her the only truth I know..."I don't know. We just have to trust his doctors and keep praying."

She sees me going into hospitals and doctors' offices and she gets very nervous. "Daddy? Is Mama coming home?" I've told her over and over and over that good forever mamas and daddies always come home. I'm afraid Satan uses that line over and over in my head as I go through my medical tests. I am more afraid of leaving my two girls without a mother...again...than I am of what might be wrong with me. Then there is the logical portion of my brain...roughly the size of a pea...no surprise to anyone who knows me. I'm not exactly known for my logic...I'm more about the emotion. The logical portion of my brain keeps reminding me...you know...you've been lucky so many times...the odds are against you on this one...eventually you're going to get bad news.

So that's what's going on here! I don't tell you this for sympathy or kudos or prayers...I tell you because I needed to get it OUT of me...and blogging is cheaper than therapy!

For those of you who don't know Humphrey's story I will post it below. This version appeared at my now defunct website; Prayer, Praise & Peace! Take care y'all...until next time...

Angels Don't Necessarily Have To Be Human---by Mel and Barb

This is my very favorite personal angel experience. A lot of joy has come out of so much pain. Be forewarned...this one is a long one and has been known to bring tears!

My husband Garry and I have been making yearly pilgrimages to Williamsburg, Virginia for close to eight years now. At one point we were going up to 2 or 3 times a year. During our September of '96 trip we ran into a giant black ball of fur, purrs, and love named Humphrey. I fell madly in love with Humphrey and after spending close to ten days with him I sobbed when I had to leave him. Had he been a stray, he would have come home with us, but he belonged to the gents in the Harness and Saddlemaker's Shop. He was not only their friend, he was their mascot!

While we were driving home in the pitch black we were listening to the radio and the song called "Angels Among Us" by Alabama came on. I turned my head to the passenger window and started weeping, thinking about Humphrey, but never said a word or made a sound. Being the wonderful husband that he is, Garry reached over, touched my leg and said, "I think Humphrey was an angel sent down to you too."

When he suggested that we head back down in April of '97, I was ecstatic! I'd get to see Humphrey all that much sooner! As soon as we arrived in Colonial Williamsburg we made a bee-line for the garden behind The Cole Shop, the historical trade building where the harness and saddlemakers work. We searched and searched but couldn't find Humphrey anywhere. When we went into the shop and asked where he was, we were told that he had died the day before. We felt so horrible! The next few days we just kind of wandered around in a fog, and I felt like a real moron for reminding the poor guys that their buddy was gone!

When I got home I typed out the following letter and mailed it off to them:

April 21, 1997

Dear Gentlemen,

Words can not adequately express the sadness that I felt upon learning of the death of your wonderful cat, Humphrey. The grief that I felt was overwhelming...I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Had I known the answer, I most likely wouldn't have asked where he was when we visited the shop last week.

I had dubbed Humphrey my "surrogate cat" when I first met him in September of 1996. My husband and I had made our yearly two week trip to Williamsburg and I was missing my own pet terribly. Around dusk on one of our first nights there, we were exploring the garden behind The Cole Shop looking for a squirrel or some other sort of soft, furry creature to annoy when we were startled by a streak of black leaping from amongst the flowers. I said, "How did you know that I needed to see a kitty?" To which that streak of black replied, "Riouw!" This was our first encounter with dear Humphrey. He immediately walked over to me and looked up as if to say, "Well? Aren't you going to pet me?" I sat down on the steps of the laundry and as if he'd known me all of his life, pounced upon my lap, tags jingling! He settled in like he was right at home and that spot was where we met almost nightly for close to ten days. So many people would come through and ask if he were mine...I always responded the same, "No, he's everybody's cat." I have a feeling that Humphrey's reputation is known far and wide.

Humphrey was a fellow who knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to demand it. He demanded to be loved and had no problem expressing his appreciation for it! He was possibly the kindest soul, feline or otherwise, that I have ever encountered. Humphrey was an exceptional feline, but I don't need to tell you that. I can only imagine that God needed a good lap cat and there was only one choice. I can just see the old boy nipping at His flowing robes for attention...can't you?

A donation will be made in Humphrey's name to a no kill shelter in our area. And if a stray massive ball of black fur ever wanders into our back yard we've already got a name picked out.

Again, I offer our sincere sympathy. When you hang his collar up at the shop, give the tags a jingle for me. Colonial Williamsburg has truly lost one of its best ambassadors.

Sincerely,
Garry and Melissa

I had all but forgotten about that letter when the following letter arrived inside a beautiful sympathy card:

9 May 1997

Dear Melissa and Garry,

I don't quite know where to begin to thank you for your condolences about Humphrey. Before I started writing to you I read again your letter and my tears are back. Your letter is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. All of us who loved Humpty passed around copies of the letter, and all of us cried together. You expressed so lovingly what we could not put into words. My first thought when I was told he was gone was why? I'm angry, very angry with God. And then, later on the 17th of April, I thanked God for letting me know and love Humpty for even the short time I knew him. I used to go down on my lunch break every day to sit and snuggle with him. Sometimes he'd be visiting his friend across the street and I would have to miss him. But I can't tell you how many times Humpty got me smiling again.

Did you notice he had little, tiny, golden spots on the top of his head? Those were his "angel kisses"--now I know he is on a heavenly lap just as you said.

Eric, the Englishman at The Harness Shop, took Humpty home and buried him under a white azalea bush. That is the only bush that is ablaze with blooms according to Eric.

I've enclosed the "obit" I had put in the CWF news. Plus two pictures of happier times. (That's me with my boy)

Thank you both so much for caring to write. Your words and thoughts touched us deeply.

Barbara

Greenhow Store
Colonial Williamsburg

You can't imagine how touched I was to receive the card, letter, pictures and obit of my surrogate kitty. On the back of one of the pictures, Barbara had written, "Humphrey, The Angel Kitty.

But wait! There's more!!!

In June of 1997, we went to Petsmart to get some food for our rather large and very spoiled cat Garth who was six at the time. As usual, I ended up cooing at all of the animals that they had up for adoption. There was a cage of little black and white kittens and I was petting them and talking to them and basically doing my own thing. All of them were rubbing all over me except one who was in the back of the cage sleeping. I don't know why I did this, but I said, "Humphrey? Is that you?" The little sleeping one stood up, yawned, walked up to the cage door, and kissed my face. Under his chin was a white spot that was exactly the size of a white azalea bloom. Yes, I started to cry again and he came home with us.

Things weren't all that rosy for quite awhile after that. He was very sick for almost his entire first year of life. Our vets told us that they were really kind of surprised that he lived through it. It's really just been in the last six months or so that Garth has finally decided that he likes him and we've had him for three years now! We, of course, named him Humphrey and as near as our vets can determine, he was born the same week that Humphrey Sr. died.

When we went back to Williamsburg in September of '97 I was determined to meet Barbara and thank her for her kindness. We stopped in The Greenhow Store several times a day for an entire week before I spotted someone that "kind of" looked like the pictures she had sent. When I walked up to the counter she didn't look like she was having a very good day. She was rolling her eyes and letting out these huge sighs! When I finally mustered up enough courage to approach her I kind of whispered, "Are you Barbara?" She said, "Who wants to know?!"

Ok...I'm really scared now! I said, "I'm Melissa. You sent me the sympathy card for Humphrey." Her whole demeanor changed dramatically! She almost jumped over the counter trying to get to me! She grabbed hold of my hands and wouldn't let go! The first thing she asked me was, "Have you met Ralph?"

"Umm...no," I replied. "But I did meet Murphy!" (Murphy is the new ball of black fur that now resides at The Saddler's!)

She said, "You've got to meet Ralph and see what he did!" She grabbed me and off the three of us went down the street in search of Ralph. (We never did find him!)

We stopped at The Shoemaker's Shop and were introduced to Donna, who had first rescued Humphrey and brought him to The Saddler's. She told me that she had a copy of my letter framed at her house. Then she took us down to meet Eric, who was Humphrey's Dad. He wasn't in the shop, but he was in the building behind the shop that used to be the laundry, now it's like their break room and off limits to the public. She banged on the door and in we went!

She introduced Garry and I to him as "the author's of THE letter". She then showed us what Ralph had done and I REALLY started to weep. Ralph had taken two pictures of Humphrey, a copy of his obit, and my letter, and had them professionally matted and framed. It now hangs in the break room.

One last "angelic" moment before this story ends. I had taken pictures of my Humphrey to show Barb and when she looked at them she was speechless. She then produced pictures of her cat Dinger who was born at the exact same time as our Humphrey; was abandoned exactly like my Humphrey; and they are absolutely identical. My chin actually dropped. If I didn't know better I would have sworn that she was showing me pictures of my very own cat!

In closing, Barb and I have been through a lot together AND separately since then. I love her dearly and she is truly one of the most wonderful people I have ever met. My life is so much better with her in it! I love you Barb...and your kitties too! = )

---Copyright 1997, 2000 Barb and Mel

The song "Angels Among Us" can be found on the player at the bottom of the page. Treat yourself to a listen.

No...we don't have our TA yet...and we're not happy about it!

We were told on December 27th that our agency was expecting them the next day. If we didn't hear anything we were to call in two days. Garry called. We were told that CCAA hadn't even started on ours and it would be another week. Call then. Garry called. More excuses...storms...delays...more complicated paperwork...all adds up to still no TA and still no idea as to when we can bring Claire home.

Garry's visa came today! So hey, he's ready...and has 30 days to get in and out of China before we need to buy another one of those. He put January 10th as his date of departure per the agency's instructions. I think we all know he's not going to make that! We've been told that we could leave on January 12th or January 19th. Other folks in the group were told the 11th or the 18th...and now the 25th. The 25th is God's sense of humor times 10. We left to bring Hope home on January 25th, 2004.

THE AGENCY isn't returning phone calls...I found an email in our old account today that we haven't used in over a year from them, apologizing for not returning our call last Thursday. Apparently not returning our call from last Wednesday didn't rate an apology. Again, they've been told numerous times over the last year that we don't use that email address and please update our file...you know the drill.

The email also wanted to let us know that there was no news on TA's yet and that we should be getting our I171H soon as USCIS had sent it out on 12/27. FAX them a copy as soon as we get it. I was as nice as I could be folks...honestly...but I still think my message came off way past snarky. I begged them to once again change our email address. I told them that we've had our I171H since 12/28 and that we notified THE AGENCY on the same day. I won't even go into what I said about the FAX.

I'm done...truly done. It does no good to even try and communicate with them, so I'm done. Sorry Garry but it's all you from here on out. And truthfully, it's been mostly him for quite awhile because I'm just gonna go off on someone.

People whose agencies sent their acceptance letters back weeks after the date we were told ours were sent already have their TA's, consulate appointments, and are leaving as soon as this week. SO! Who knows where this mix-up lies...LIE being the operative word...and yes...I am beyond angry.

I'm going back into drifting in a fog mode...

CORRECTION: In my AGENCY and Paula Zahn inspired ire yesterday I fear I made a mistake concerning Garry's visa. So, with a somewhat clearer head, here is the lowdown on that topic.

Garry's visa is good until June of 2007. He can make two trips to China from now until June and each trip can last up to thirty days.

I felt better for about two seconds after clearing that up then I just got mad again...I hope to God in Heaven that we won't be waiting until June now. : p

Haven't heard about the Paula Zahn thing yet? Well, she had several "experts" on her show last Friday expounding on adopting from China. Basically, I learned that I am only going through this process because it is the "in" thing to do, and I am a racist. (Hey, who wouldn't want to go through this easy, quick, painless process?! International adoption is FUN!!!) It was a simply lovely broadcast. LAST night she had a couple of the panelists back, along with two more who, well, had a clue! It was slightly better but...well...go to the CNN site and read the transcripts.

Still nothing to report officially.

Garry talked to Chris at the agency last week. She said that CCAA was going to update their website that week. They didn't. My best guess? The computers are all screwed up with the move. Isn't it so cute how I can come up with a logical explanation?! Creating order out of chaos...that's me...Super Mel.

Let's see...Garry asked Chris about our LID. Oh my friends, good news simply ABOUNDS! Depending on which reviewer at the CCAA she talks to...who knows? One told her it was August 25th, 2005, and another told her it was September 5th, 2005. So, we don't know and we WON'T know until somebody from the agency calls us and tells us we have a baby.

Our CIS fingerprints are going to expire. I am beyond thrilled (read with HEAVY sarcasm) at this. When we turned in our final paperwork I put this little note on the fridge that said something like, "CIS fingerprints expire August 31, 2006. Call in May of 2006 to reschedule and notify the agency of the date." I remember laughing and saying to Garry, "We won't need to worry about this!" HA!

The fur has FINALLY started to fly on the Yahoo boards concerning our agency's new travel policy. Apparently there are some other folks who feel as if they've been taken advantage of just like we do. I can't say that it's going to change the situation, but it kind of makes me feel better. At least now I KNOW that it's not just us. Some of these folks are coming up with some verrrrry creative ways to get around the new policy. I am watching with great interest!

So, in the last post I told you that I had told God that I couldn't do this anymore. Still feel that way...still true. This week, He reminded me that several months ago I told Him that I didn't THINK I could do it anymore. His answer this time, was the same as several months ago. He said, "If you could hold Horatio and comfort him while he passed, then you can get through this wait." I know He's right...I know it...but it is just so incredibly frustrating. Everyone is trying to apply logic and rules and mathematical principals where there AREN'T any!

A million and twelve thanks to Jeannie, who called me last night to reschedule my dentist appointment. She told me her computer had crashed and wanted to know if we had any news of Claire yet. When I told her no she said, "Then we'll just keep praying."

Another million and twelve go out to Sandy, a member of our first travel group. She read the last post and emailed me letting me know that our wait this time was extremely similar to their wait for their first daughter, Zoe. She said, "After the going nuts stage, I just kind of checked out…coasted in a fog." I am SO there now friends. Coasting in a fog is the way to go.

And thanks to each and every person who reads this and "listens" to me whine. I know there are a lot of you who check in every now and then and although you may not let me know, I know you are praying...it means the world to all of us.

On a happier note...while running errands this weekend we were inundated with "signs". The Disney Store was filled with new baby items sporting Dumbo and Timothy on them...we bought several to add to the stuffed Dumbo we had already purchased for Claire. AND, it seemed that no matter where we were, the lullaby I have chosen for Claire, "Baby Mine", was playing somewhere in the background. Yes, people in Target and Toys-R-Us probably wondered what I was bawling about, but you know what? Who cares?! Let them wonder!

Ok...remember this statement from a couple of posts ago?

"We are all just trying to smile and keep positive attitudes while we work through the junk!"

Well folks, the junk continues. I've kept smiling and kept my positive attitude...until today. (Linda, please note the day of the week!) In short, the last couple of weeks have been absolutely exhausting both mentally and physically. Why you ask? Read on...or not! :)

1. For reasons I don't care to get into on the worldwide web, Hope became frightened of darn near everything. It started with a couple of our Halloween decorations which I immediately put away. It then progressed to things like the television...so much so that she wouldn't even enter the family room to play with her toys. After that it could be anything...things hanging on the walls or sitting on an end table that have been there for years...Humphrey...you name it. The child who chased Humphrey through the house trying to pet him was now crying if he was even in the same room with her. After a lot of love, talking, and extra attention she's just about back to her normal happy self and all is right in her little 2 year old world...and she's chasing Humphrey through the house trying to pet him again!

REASON TO SMILE? It's over...we lived through it...and she now knows that TALKING about something that bothers her is a good thing.

2. The tendonitis in my foot is trying to creep back. After 10 days on Prednisone it was feeling better and I had about a week of pain-free normalcy. Don't get me wrong, it's still better than what it was, it's just so dang ANNOYING! Add this to the fact that during those 10 days on Prednisone I ate darn near anything that wasn't moving I now feel, in the words of Gaston from Disney's Beauty & The Beast, "...I'm roughly the size of a baaaaaarrrrge!"

REASON TO SMILE? The foot does feel better...it has its good days and bad days. I've been able to cross one med off of my daily who gets what and when calendar! Please notice I didn't say I *am* the size of a barge, only that I *feel* like I'm the size of a barge. There is a big difference! I've worked long and hard to change those evil thought processes!

3. I’ve been working in Claire’s room cleaning out the closet…tossing things…putting things in a pile for a yard sale…organizing. My wedding dress is in a big storage box on the top shelf. On top of that were some of my old toys and a bunch of my baby things that my mother insisted I take. As I was reaching for something on top of the box, a box containing my old electric baby food dish toppled off and fell to the ground. I ignored it and continued to go through things. A few minutes later I went to pick it up and there, underneath it, on my cream colored carpet, was a straight line of about ½ dozen dime sized spots of SOMETHING that was deep forest green. I touched it and it was wet and oily. I opened the box containing the dish and all three compartments were FULL of this green oily slime. I grabbed it, wrapped it in some old blanket that was nearby and raced it downstairs to the trash. I spent the next block of my time trying to get it out of my carpet. I think I’ve got most of it…can’t really see it but if you get too close you can smell the stuff! ICK!

REASON TO SMILE? When we got the carpet we got really GOOD carpet. The guy told us that if we ever needed to cut any out and patch it you’d never be able to see it. AND the wretched thing only leaked on my carpet. It must’ve dribbled out of the compartments when it fell…there was NOTHING on the outside of the box of my wedding dress. Although I told Garry that I’d almost rather that it was on the dress instead of the carpet. I can’t imagine either one of my girls ever wearing a 10 in anything!

4. So much for any of us rotating out of our 8 or more week periods of ringworm meds. Yes, The Hageman Family will now and forever be known as The Fungal Family. Horatio and I presented right around the same time in late August and started our meds in early September. He's officially done today but read on. I'm still applying the cream. All three of my spots are very faint and almost gone. Once they are gone I still need to use the cream for two more weeks. Hope got her little happy spot early in October. So far she only has one and the over the counter stuff her nurse recommended is working great. Humphrey started his bout in late October and his earliest cut-off date is December 2. However, to prevent Horatio becoming re-infected we will have to continue with his meds until Humphrey has had no new spots for two weeks and hair has begun to re-grow.

REASON TO SMILE? Garry has been spared. The meds are definitely working. No one is itching like crazy anymore. The vets will have to administer the meds while we are in Florida for 10 days! Let me tell you...giving a cat liquid medicine twice a day is not a fun proposition. Horatio does much better than Humphrey...whom during administration is known as "El Diablo".

5. Wednesday night I heard this weird hissing noise…but I could only hear it in the laundry room. I asked Garry if he heard anything. He said no…I told him to listen in the laundry room. He did and said it was coming from downstairs. He went downstairs and our hot water heater had sprung a leak. Honestly, the first thing out of my mouth was, "GREAT!" The first thought was, "Gads...what next?"

REASON TO SMILE? Hope had already had her bath for that night. Our builder was a genius and has the basement set up so that if something like that ever happened that it simply drains down a small slope and into the drain in the floor. I quickly took a shower with what was left while Garry filled the sink to wash the dishes. We had the new one installed by dinner time the next day by a really nice young guy…couldn’t have asked for anyone better. It could've happened while we were on vacation...but it didn't. It could've sprayed everything all over the basement...but it didn't. It could've blown up...but it didn't! Those three statements were my next thoughts right after the discovery and I held on to them for DEAR LIFE! ")

6. Last Thursday, while the new hot water heater was being installed, I sat down to work on Hope’s Halloween costume. I was, seriously, about an inch away from being done when my sewing machine literally ate her costume. I could not free it no matter what I did. Garry had to take the miserable thing apart and then I was finally able to gingerly work the costume out…however during it’s adventure there was now a cigarette burn sized hole in it…along with a couple of oil stains. Friends, I had just about reached my limit! LOL I simply went into my office while Garry worked on putting the machine back together and played on my computer and tried not to cry.

REASON TO SMILE? After he finished I went right back to it and finished that last inch. And now I know why I was able to find an exact match between red thread and red t-shirt...have you ever tried to match reds? It was so I could mend the hole and no one would see it. I also know why I decided to start on the back instead of the front! I worked on the front all afternoon on Friday and finished it Saturday. YAY!!!

I don't mean to offend anyone or their beliefs by what I'm about to say. I figure everybody reading this already knows what I believe and either shares those beliefs or loves me in spite of them! ; )

I truly believe that God has been allowing Satan to poke and prod at me so that I can be ready for our next great adventure. This may simply be our trip to Disney World this month or it could be our trip to China next year. In any case my patience and strength of will obviously needed some work. Heaven knows that a flight of *any* length can be pretty stressful when you have a two year old along. I just hope I passed the test because I've had enough for awhile!

I remember going through a stage of very intense anger and frustration during the waiting period for Hope's referral. Well, I guess today begins (and hopefully ends!) that stage for Claire. I simply had reached my limits and took it out on some poor woman who called to tell me that, "Since I was such a good customer I qualified for blah, blah, blah." When I asked her why she didn't tell all of this to Garry when she called two nights ago she said, "I can't. It's federal law. It's to protect your privacy." Ok...so if Garry would've said he was me, then you would've spoken to him? "Are you saying you'd like to be placed on our Do Not Call list ma'am?" I said, "Ma'am I've asked REPEATEDLY to be placed on your Do Not Call list." "Well ma'am I have to read you a disclaimer!" I really don't remember a whole lot after that other than I'm pretty sure I heard myself raising my voice...and I know I told her to leave me alone several times...and then I hung up on her. ::sigh::

Am I whining? Probably. But my BIG point here is that several years ago any ONE of these things would have immediately triggered a migraine headache, anorexia, or a 2 a.m. trip to the emergency room for some much needed drugs to stop the uncontrollable nausea and its side effects. I am amazed at how far God has brought me and how much strength He has given me. I don't have time to get sick! I have an incredible, God given family I need to take care of and enjoy! Thank you God for Garry, Hope, Humphrey, Horatio...and Claire too! You have blessed me beyond my wildest imagination!

Until next time y'all!