Monday, January 30, 2006

A very typical photo...he was always with his baby.
We are broken. We are bloodied. We hurt. But we are not beaten and we will never be defeated.

This last week was one of the hardest we have ever lived through. Our precious Horatio passed quietly in my arms on Saturday the 28th. He had been hospitalized all of that week and was sent home on Friday the 27th in hopes that being home would help him improve. It did not. Sadly, I had not seen the Horatio I had grown to love so much since we visited him at the hospital on Sunday the 22nd. I now know why I fell so in love with him so quickly...he was only going to be with us for a very short time. He was with us for 1 year and 5 months out of his 1 year and 9 month lifespan. He touched everyone's life that he came in contact with. He was truly the kindest, sweetest, gentlest soul I have ever known. He was obviously placed into our lives for a purpose and having completed his task, he was called home.

Secondly, and only slightly less disheartening, we received a call from EAC last week telling us that CCAA had made a clerical error. Although our true LID is August 25th, we've been logged in with a September 5th date. They are trying their hardest to get CCAA to correct the error but things don't look favorable. What does this mean? Well...the CCAA website says they've now matched babies to families with LID's up to May 13th. They are now on vacation for Chinese New Year. Taking that into account I can't imagine that they would get anywhere near an August LID until April or May...let alone our *new* September LID. And so...we continue to wait.

But, as always, God in His wisdom knows best. He never puts us through more than we can bear without reaching out and holding us gently in the palm of His hand. Apparently Claire isn't ready for us yet. Or perhaps we need this delay so that we can go back to Anhui again. Only God knows...and frankly...I like it that way.

As dismal as Saturday was, God placed one of the brightest moments of joy into my life. First of all, it was close to 60 degrees here and SUNNY. That in and of itself is a miracle for January 28th in Ohio. When Hope went down for her nap I did the dreaded empty all the meds in the toilet, mop the floor where he had his last accident, empty his food and water bowl etc. tasks. It looked so beautiful outside it was fairly beckoning me to come outside and take a walk. A chance to walk in the sunshine and clear my head sounded wonderful. Garry made me promise to come home…and off I went. About two blocks from home out of absolutely nowhere, this giant black and white cat literally bowled me over. I have never seen this cat before and believe me, Hope and I know ALL the kitties on our walking route! As I was sitting there on the cold sidewalk this cat jumped up on my knee and rubbed me the exact same way that Horatio did the first time I held him. This angel kitty also purred just like Horatio did before he got so sick. And, possibly the one that got to me the most…this kitty smelled like Horatio. I sat there for a good long time savoring each and every moment and smiling all the way down into my heart. I know without a doubt that Horatio is in Heaven and is absolutely happy, healthy, and WHOLE.

Lastly, yesterday marked yet another joyous occasion. Two years ago yesterday, my baby girl was placed into my arms for the first time. Thank you God.

And, so you see...

We are broken. We are bloodied. We hurt. But we are not beaten and we will never be defeated.

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