Gotcha Day...Number 6!!!

Yeah...I know.  I can't believe it either.  Six years ago today a gorgeous eleven month old bundle of quiet calm was placed in my arms and life has never been the same.  And by the way?  She's no longer quiet OR calm...gorgeous is a given.  ")

As I always have in these matters...and have taken more heat for this than you can imagine...I let my girls dictate what we do and don't do concerning the topic of adoption and Chinese culture.  This is not to say that we ignore either of those things.  Our home is filled with videos, books, pictures, items etc. that are all things China and/or adoption.  Claire is just beginning to show the slightest of interest.  This week I started talking to her about where she used to live and what her name used to be.  She's beyond engrossed in the story.  The more she asks, the more information I will give her.  Hope wanted to know much, much earlier and then right around the age of three didn't want any part of it.  She even told me she wasn't Chinese.  That all went away as soon as she had a baby sister from China.  We go with it people.  Maybe my girls have or never will give it another thought...or maybe they will still be processing these feelings well into their adult lives.  I have no way of knowing.  For now?  I do what works for us.

On Wednesday evening this week, Hope asked if she could take a treat in to share with her class to celebrate Gotcha Day.  I was floored but completely comfortable with it.  I emailed her teacher who said that would be wonderful!  She also asked if I would send in pictures and they would have a Gotcha Day celebration.  So this morning I filled Hope's backpack with some mini Hershey bars (yum), some pictures from her Gotcha Day and her lifebook.  (For those of you not familiar with the concept of a lifebook you can read about them here.)  Oh...I can hear you screaming already.

First off?  Hope's teacher is an adoptive mother.  She gets it.  Secondly?  Hope wanted to take her lifebook and we talked about things that were ok to share.  Finally?  I told her teacher to use what details she thought were appropriate.  And no, this isn't the original.  That is safely on the shelf in my office/studio.  This is Hope's well loved, dog eared, twice bound copy that she has read at least 347 times.  Again, her choice...but with Mama's guidance.  Ok?

What else?  Well, she asked me if I would bake her some brownies which are now cooling on the island.  She wants Daddy to make her some "Pigs In A Spud".  These are like twice baked potatoes with a hot dog inside.  The kid would eat hot dogs 24/7.  We had a minor glitch there when Daddy had to go out of town and it looked like he wasn't going to be home in time to celebrate Gotcha Day, let alone make dinner.  Things have been rearranged, he is currently in the air on his way home, and should be home by five.  Say a prayer or two please!  The only other Gotcha Day he's missed was when he was in China to bring Claire home.  Hope informed me at the time, that that was the only acceptable excuse for missing her Gotcha Day.

Just as we did with Claire, she will receive one of her gifts that we purchased for her in China.  In years past we have watched the videos or the slideshow I put together from our trip.  But again, there isn't a whole lot of interest there yet.  She did mention she'd like to go through her treasure box.

Oh, and let me interject that the treasure box/gotcha day gifts/videos etc.  ideas aren't mine!  They've all been suggested to me by other China BTDT's!!!

Ok...her treasure box.  This is simply a Rubbermaid container filled with her treasures from China.  Her box contains things like: the bottle the CWI staff gave us to feed her, the clothes she was wearing the day she joined us, the blanket she slept under at the CWI, gifts the shopkeepers gave her in Guangzhou, the "little itty bitty Lilo" she originally bonded with, the clothes (most probably) her birth mother dressed her in and the note (again, most probably) she pinned to her before she told her goodbye.  Claire also has a treasure box and if she shows interest in Hope's?  We'll get hers out too!

One of my clearest memories of Hope's Gotcha Day was right after Mme. Xu handed her to me.  I, no big surprise here, was crying.  I remember turning away from everyone...not because I was crying...but simply because it was as if no one else existed at that moment except Hope.  I can still smell her hair...which was so coarse...and getting wetter by the minute with my tears.  I whispered over and over to her, "I love you Han Tao."  This is a part of her story that Hope knows very well.  This morning, she was sitting at the table, had finished her breakfast, and had asked to be excused.  When I went over to take her dishes from her, I bent down, kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I love you Han Tao."  Without missing a beat she whispered back, "I love you too Mama...always."  Yeah...she went to school with wet hair.

Be blessed y'all,

Gotcha Day...Number 3!

Three years ago today, I was awakened by God at 3:31 a.m.  At that exact moment, my precious daughter Claire was being held by her father for the first time...halfway around the world.  To read my posts for that day click here and here.  The trials we had to endure to bring this child of mine home are well documented at this blog...feel free to wander through the entries one day when you are bored out of your mind!

You may remember I used to be a champion wall builder?  You know...shoving my feelings...good or bad...behind 50 foot walls surrounded with razor wire...and a moat full of rabid crocodiles...swimming in radioactive muck?  I built a doozy of a one around all things Claire while we were waiting for her.  For reasons you can find detailed in many posts here, I was not allowed to travel to China to bring Claire home...and I think that was the one...the final act...that not only took the wall to epic proportions...but also put a roof on it.

If you've been following my ramblings since July-August of 2009, you know that all of those walls have been obliterated and I've been dealing with all the emotions sealed behind said walls.  A great portion of those emotions are of the curl into a fetal position and cry for a week variety.  But on November 4th, of last year, I discovered that not every emotion that was set free was necessarily evil.  Some were an absolute gift from God.

You see…I love Claire…I’ve loved her since before she existed…but it was never the way I loved Hope…and I fought that one too. The day they handed Hope to me…well…I hadn’t eaten for 2-3 days…nobody spoke English…everything was like I was on another planet. In the late afternoon I had a meltdown. Here I was...suddenly handed this LIFE I was now responsible for!  What did I know about raising a child?  You mean the PRC is going to trust ME with one of their babies?  A wall went up that afternoon and I was sure I wasn't ever going to love Hope the way she needed and deserved to be loved. Yet, just after a few hours sleep, when she woke up crying in the middle of the night…Mama was the one who jumped out of bed to take care of her. I fell hopelessly in love with her that second day.  You know...you look at her and light is emanating from her...and you get all goofy...and you're positive she is the single most beautiful creature God has ever created hopelessly in love?

I’ve never had that with Claire. We had so many setbacks…I built so many walls. Even when she first came home…here was this little stranger who was taking my attention away from Hope.

Sooo…no more walls…they're gone now...right?

November 4, 2009 I'm sitting on the stairs holding Claire after her nap.  She wanted me to hold her on the stairs.  I don't know why...it's not like we'd ever done it before.  And as I was holding her I started getting her hair wet.  (This is thinly disguised code for soaking her hair with my tears.  Only those I love more than life itself have had the distinct pleasure.)  I discovered that day that I had fallen madly in love with my youngest daughter.

That day was the first time I’ve ever cried over her while I was holding her. She got pretty scared…I told her it was just Mama’s happy tears because I love her so much. She kept shaking her head and saying, “NO!" then trying to wipe my tears. I called to Hope and said, “Hopie? Does Mama cry happy tears?” In her own completely exasperated 6 year old way she hollered back, “Yeeeeeessss…all the time!”

So Claire...she's such a clown…does different voices…such a nurturer…even wants to take care of me…she’s got a wicked sense of humor…thinks the words "boogers" and "underpants" are wildly hilarious...yeah…the school is going to be calling me about this one frequently. This morning she told me a ghost story that had me in stitches! It went something like this: "Once upon a time there was a scaaaaaaaaaaaaaary ghost! He was upstairs. He smelled lunch downstairs...at my house! But I couldn't see him...because he was scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaary!" Now mind you the whole time she was doing this she had her little hands at face level wiggling her fingers back and forth for effect.

And just for Carolina?  Joepie de poepie!!!!!!!!!!  If you don't get that reference check this post and the comments that follow...which I see is dated a year ago yesterday!  Yes, the dreaded potty training dragon has been slain!  JOEPIE DE POEPIE!!!!  She's still wearing "Dora's"...whatever Pampers' version of pull-ups are called.  Hey, they're covered with Dora The Explorer...we call them Dora's!  She's still wearing Dora's for nap and bedtime.  I have purchased my last pack of diapers.  Again I cry, "JOEPIE DE POEPIE!!!!"

So what do we do for Gotcha Day?  Well, it's different really every year.  We follow the girls' leads.  This year Claire wants me to make "padiddie" (spaghetti) for dinner.  I'm also going to bake a cake as soon as I'm done here.  She'll receive one of her Gotcha Day gifts Garry purchased in China using MY LIST (another giggle inducing reference to former posts).  She, like Hope at age three, could care less about China.  The pictures, videos, etc. can wait until she's ready for them.

And what will we do for Hope's Gotcha Day?  Wait and see...it's next Friday.  ")

Be blessed y'all...until next time.



P.S.  And although I have already thanked my "Live Journal" numerous times for being the catalyst that triggered the destruction of my walls?  Again...thank you from the bottom of my heart.

ABC Wednesday---X Is For Xu Xian Mei

ABC Wednesday is hosted by Mrs. Nesbitt's Place.

This lovely young woman is Xu Xian Mei. She is the current director of The Anqing Children's Welfare Institute...where my Hope spent the first eleven months of her life. This picture was snapped shortly after she exited the long awaited "Baby Van"...the van that carried not only my oldest daughter, but also the daughters of six other very impatient families who were waiting on pins and needles inside the lobby of The Novotel Hotel in Hefei. I didn't know who this elegant woman was...nor did I recognize the baby she was carrying as my own. But it would all become clear in a matter of moments.

That's Mme. Xu again, in the brown coat with her back towards the camera...holding Zhu Han Tao...in her little pink Peter Rabbit outfit. The gentleman with his arm around Mme. Xu, is "Uncle Zhou"...he's kind of like my own version of American Express...I don't want to leave home for China without him...hired by our agency to take the best possible care of us while we were in country. He is checking out the babies...one by one as they are carried into the hotel lobby by an employee from The Anqing CWI. Notice all the nervous and happy new parents with cameras? Me? I'm standing just out of frame...crying...in total shock...wondering which baby is mine. And for the first time ever, I just noticed that Han Tao's head is turned directly towards me...like she knew. I'll be back in a few...I need a Kleenex...

Ok...so after they paraded through the lobby, they proceeded to climb a rather large, rather impressive staircase to the next floor where they settled in what I remember to be as a HUGE conference room...with seven sets of "we can't wait another minute for our baby" parents, grandparents, and siblings close behind.

The babies and their caregivers were taking seats in an alcove to the left. Cameras were being fired up...tears were being shed...nervous giggling could be heard...some were absolutely positive they knew which baby was their own...others had not a clue. Me? I was crying and standing near the door, ready to make a quick getaway. Garry? He knew her the moment she got off the van. MANY thanks to all who took these pictures and shared them with our entire group. I, for one, will forever be in your debt.

Uncle Zhou asked if everyone was ready...one mother who had been through this before said, "You're a fool Zhou!" We all laughed. Zhou pulled out his little notebook and called the name of one of the families. The exuberant mother stepped forward, verified her baby's Chinese name, and was handed a beautiful new daughter. Zhou said, "Who's next?" Nobody moved. He moved closer to Mme. Xu and spoke to her, then repeated his question, "Who's next?" He looked across the room...directly at me and said, "You want to go next? This your baby?" I remember so vividly every single person in front of me just parting...moving to either side of me until I was looking into the eyes of who I knew was my reason for living. And...me being me...I remember joking, "I'll just take whichever one is left." More laughs from the crowd. Zhou motioned for me to come forward...I was asked to speak my child's given Chinese name. I managed to squeak out, "Zhu Han Tao" which is what I am saying in the picture above. I can STILL see Mme. Xu's sparkling eyes looking into mine as she handed me my Hope...this child I had waited my entire life for...and all I could do was look at this beautiful woman and whisper, "thank you" over...and over...and over.

Two days later we were given the extreme pleasure of visiting the CWI. It was, and continues to be a trip I will treasure. To see how my child spent her first eleven months...where she slept...see the obvious love her caregivers had for her...before she could be with me...it was simply priceless. Made even more precious by the fact that I was unable to travel to China, and share any of these early experiences with Claire.

Mme. Xu is an angel...a true gift from God. Whose beauty, serenity, generosity, and kindness will forever be a part of Hope's life story.

Be blessed y'all,

ABC Wednesday---B Is For Bundle

ABC Wednesday is hosted by Mrs. Nesbitt's Place.

The Chinese LOVE to bundle their babies. The single most important rule we learned before being handed our first bundle was, "KEEP BABY WARM!!!" Doesn't matter if it's 40 degrees or 95 degrees that baby needs to be bundled tight! And lest you forget? They are not shy about coming up to you on the street and letting you know you are NOT following that rule. This picture was taken, we are assuming, in late February of 2003. We didn't even know that little bundle existed until the fall of 2003.

We have absolutely no idea when this photo was taken. We were EXCEEDINGLY blessed by the fact that the Anqing Children's Welfare Institution where Hope spent her first eleven months of life, took several pictures of her at various ages during her stay there. This was one of them...we call this bundle "Baby Buddha".

And this? This was the best bundle I ever unwrapped! ") When she was handed to me she was wearing a diaper, two pairs of pants, two pairs of socks, a shirt, and a hooded sweater. This was Gotcha Day...January 29, 2004...shortly after Zhu Han Tao...soon to be known as Hope...had her first bath from her new Mama and Daddy.

Bundle #2!!! Notice how Daddy is dressed? Notice how Qian Li Lu is dressed? This is Claire's Gotcha Day, January 22, 2007. She was wearing a diaper, two pairs of pants, a shirt, a sweater, a padded hooded jacket, socks, and a pair of shoes.

Daddy and Claire on the bus ride back to the hotel after meeting for the first time. Again...notice how Daddy is dressed...but he is also keeping that precious bundle WARM!

Claire, unbundled and waiting at the airport for the flight to Guangzhou.

And...in case anyone from China is reading...please notice my two precious bundles playing in the snow on New Year's day! I am doing my best to "KEEP BABIES WARM!"

Four years ago today...God placed this shining light into our lives.

Thank you God.

We love you precious Hopie!

Nope...I can't believe it either. I can't believe she's actually real...let alone that at 4:30 p.m. in Chongqing last year, she was placed in her Daddy's arms...or that I heard her sweet little songs over the phone at exactly 6:30 a.m. our time.

Wanna traipse down memory lane? Read my thoughts this time last year here and here.

If you'd like to read my thoughts during the entire trip go to the column on your right. Under "Archives" click January 2007. The entries are in order from the bottom of the page to the top.

Be blessed!

One happy Daddy!!! Check out her tongue!

Sleepy baby...with Billy Idol hair! ")

It's a girl!

No pictures yet...they just got back to the hotel. Zhou promised to post some at Zhou's Kids and also email me some. Garry will also email his when he is able. Believe me, NO ONE wants to see her any more than *I* do!

Right now she's smiling at her Daddy and keeps pushing her foot through the crib slats.

I'll try to recount what he just told me...but my mind is swimming...and it's early!

Everything went off right on schedule and they received their babies at 4:30 p.m....which was 3:30 a.m. for us...and God saw to it to wake me up at exactly 3:31 this morning. No big...I actually thanked Him for it. Somehow it made me feel included.

She smiled at him immediately and there were no tears! The director was either unable or not willing to answer many questions so we have basically no information about her time at the orphanage other than what is in her official report. They also would not take the disposable cameras that the parents had purchased. We were told that they would take those back to the orphanage and fill them with photos of the rooms, caretakers etc. and then send them to the families when they were in Guangzhou. (The trip to and from the orphanage is anywhere from 6-8 hours long each way and that would be too stressful for the babies to make yet again. So no orphanage visit this trip.) Zhou said he got the director to agree to take pictures of certain areas and of the caretakers and send them to him which he will share with the families.

She has Billy Idol hair...think style not color! She is tiny, the updated measurements we were given were padded...but we already suspected that! Two bottom teeth just like Hope when she joined us...and she loves to suck her fist! She's trying to roll over (Hope did for the first time in Guangzhou) and she's unable to sit by herself. She's got a snotty nose and a pretty decent cough...which I heard! She also has some red spots on her back that Garry is going to have checked out first thing in THEIR morning.

She was gurgling and cooing over the phone...he said that the new sleeper we bought for her fits her perfectly. We guessed right at 6-9 months...same size Hope wore!

Ohhhhh...I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling! It's the strangest combination of joy and sadness. I want to see the crooked little smile that her Daddy was describing to me...and I really want to see her roll her tongue and blow raspberries!

I have tabs currently open to Zhou's Kids, Kristian's blog, and Kristian's photo account...nothing yet.

She had gone to sleep about half way into our phone call...bless her heart. Garry kept calling her "Hopie 2" because she kept sticking her feet out of the crib...just like her sister.

For those of you following the story of the missing purse that Kristian had in her blog...

One of the new parents brought her sister with her. The sister left her purse on the airplane and didn't realize it until they were on the bus to the hotel in Chongqing. Zhou stopped the bus, made some phone calls, both sisters and Zhou's assistant got off the bus and went back to the airport to search the plane themselves.

The purse was never found and it contained cash, credit cards, and passport. When the sisters arrived back at the hotel at 1 a.m. they reported that the airport police have issued a reward for the return of the passport...and I believe the cards...sorry...mind is fuzzy! In the meantime, her husband is back home busily cancelling her cards. She and Zhou's assistant take off in the morning for a four hour train ride so she can apply for a visa as basically, it appears she is now in the country illegally.

Please pray for these gals...as if the whole trip isn't stressful enough.

All right folks...still no pictures to be seen and I've got to wake my oldest daughter! I'll post them whenever they arrive!!!

Picture time! Yeah...don't get too excited yet!

This first picture is the lobby decorated for Chinese New Year at the Holiday Inn Downtown Beijing. Garry and the group stayed there while touring Beijing. You can check out the hotel's website here.

The next shot is from The Great Wall. Garry says it was still pretty cold and now the vendors are becoming more agressive. Instead of just shouting "HALLO!" to get your attention, they will come up and pinch you. Gee, the worst thing I had happen was when one of them wrapped a scarf around my face...that had been wrapped around heaven only knows how many other faces! SARS anyone? ")


Garry reports that lunch at the cloisonne factory was worse than last time. My apologies to Kristian and John who enjoyed it immensely! However, the story of the dead fish having its spine ripped from its body and then tossed into the brown sauce did nothing for my appetite. I believe that picture is posted on Kristian's blog. Garry said there was no way he was eating anything that looked like it had been run over by a bus! LOL I remember eating well (for me in China) at the cloisonne factory. There were lots of recognizable vegetables in mild sauces...it was yummy.

Tiananmen Square was "Great Wall Cold". For those of you who don't get that weather reference, when we went to China to get Hope we visited The Great Wall. We had dressed warmly as it was in the low 40's and very windy. I had lost all sensation in my mittened hands before we even got to the ENTRANCE. For all intents and purposes it felt like I had forgotten to get dressed! Neither one of us have ever been that cold before or planned to be again...until Garry visited Tiananmen Square for the second time. He said that there are Olympic signs everywhere and that a great portion of The Forbidden City is closed off for refurbishing. Have to make everything pretty for the olympics! He said certain areas were covered with a screen/net type deal. However, the screen/net was painted exactly like what was behind it so you didn't feel you were missing anything. My memories of The Forbidden City? Let's walk the length of this place as quickly as possible, get on the bus and go get our baby! ")

He also made return trips to The Hard Rock Beijing, the Chinese Acrobats performance, and the silk factory. And yes, for those of you who remember, he learned again about "The pupers! Yah!" Only THIS time everyone was given a "puper" of their very own. One stop that was new for him/us was a jade carving workshop. I had sent a list...a rather long detailed list (LOL)...of things I wanted him to buy while there. One of those requests was a small jade figurine for each of our Chinese zodiac signs. Got 'em...check...next!

He called this morning to let me know they had safely arrived in Chongqing. For those of you who work with him, I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that "Sarcastic Guy" has put in an appearance. I don't know if it took him this long to acclimate or this morning was just the first time he's told me about it. The group is staying at The Marriott JW Chongqing for the next few days.

He said that the bathroom was pretty impressive...separate shower and tub. He also said that the group isn't staying together. Meaning, when we went the first time everyone was on the same floor and right next to each other. This trip, a lot of different floors. When he called this morning he was waiting for the staff to deliver his luggage. As soon as they did he was going to unpack the gifts for the orphanage staff and deliver those, along with the dreaded moneybelt to Zhou's room. Getting rid of the dreaded moneybelt is only slightly less exciting than receiving your baby. It is HIGHLY stressful toting around thousands of dollars strapped to your person.

So! Tomorrow is Gotcha Day! I've had several people ask me how I'm holding up and wondering how I'm going to get through tomorrow. Folks, I'm fine. Right now I'm more than fine. I'm downright happy. My baby is going to be placed safely in her father's arms in a little over 13 hours. I'll be able to see pictures...I'll be able to hear her over the phone. It may not be the ideal situation, or the one we all had planned out in our minds, but right now it sounds like paradise. I believe Garry is the one who is going to need some help. The babies don't arrive until 4:30 in the afternoon. I'm afraid he's going to be climbing the walls by that time. He'll call tonight...which will be his tomorrow morning...and then the next time he calls he'll have Claire! Hey Cheri...I'm kind of feeling the excitement finally! And Bon? NOW I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

One of my very favorite movies is Miracle on 34th Street. I discovered it as a child and have loved it ever since. It is filled with so many beautiful little pearls of wisdom. For Christmas this year, Garry bought me one of those Hallmark cards with the sound chips in them...you know...they play a bit of music or a sound bite? On the cover is a picture of Edmund Gwenn, dressed as Santa. Below him is a lamppost supporting the street sign that reads "W 34th ST". Below that is the sentiment "May you always believe..." Beautiful in and of itself. However, when you open it you hear little Natalie Wood's voice...so loud and clear and so full of joy saying, "Mommy told me if things don't turn out just the way you want them to the first time you still got to believe! And I kept believing and you were right Mommy! Mr. Kringle IS Santa Claus!"

I wept when I opened it on Christmas morning and I'm weeping now. For our family, Santa comes tomorrow.

Blessings and peace to y'all.