Friday, January 22, 2010

Gotcha Day...Number 3!

Three years ago today, I was awakened by God at 3:31 a.m.  At that exact moment, my precious daughter Claire was being held by her father for the first time...halfway around the world.  To read my posts for that day click here and here.  The trials we had to endure to bring this child of mine home are well documented at this blog...feel free to wander through the entries one day when you are bored out of your mind!

You may remember I used to be a champion wall builder?  You know...shoving my feelings...good or bad...behind 50 foot walls surrounded with razor wire...and a moat full of rabid crocodiles...swimming in radioactive muck?  I built a doozy of a one around all things Claire while we were waiting for her.  For reasons you can find detailed in many posts here, I was not allowed to travel to China to bring Claire home...and I think that was the one...the final act...that not only took the wall to epic proportions...but also put a roof on it.

If you've been following my ramblings since July-August of 2009, you know that all of those walls have been obliterated and I've been dealing with all the emotions sealed behind said walls.  A great portion of those emotions are of the curl into a fetal position and cry for a week variety.  But on November 4th, of last year, I discovered that not every emotion that was set free was necessarily evil.  Some were an absolute gift from God.

You see…I love Claire…I’ve loved her since before she existed…but it was never the way I loved Hope…and I fought that one too. The day they handed Hope to me…well…I hadn’t eaten for 2-3 days…nobody spoke English…everything was like I was on another planet. In the late afternoon I had a meltdown. Here I was...suddenly handed this LIFE I was now responsible for!  What did I know about raising a child?  You mean the PRC is going to trust ME with one of their babies?  A wall went up that afternoon and I was sure I wasn't ever going to love Hope the way she needed and deserved to be loved. Yet, just after a few hours sleep, when she woke up crying in the middle of the night…Mama was the one who jumped out of bed to take care of her. I fell hopelessly in love with her that second day.  You look at her and light is emanating from her...and you get all goofy...and you're positive she is the single most beautiful creature God has ever created hopelessly in love?

I’ve never had that with Claire. We had so many setbacks…I built so many walls. Even when she first came home…here was this little stranger who was taking my attention away from Hope.

Sooo…no more walls…they're gone now...right?

November 4, 2009 I'm sitting on the stairs holding Claire after her nap.  She wanted me to hold her on the stairs.  I don't know's not like we'd ever done it before.  And as I was holding her I started getting her hair wet.  (This is thinly disguised code for soaking her hair with my tears.  Only those I love more than life itself have had the distinct pleasure.)  I discovered that day that I had fallen madly in love with my youngest daughter.

That day was the first time I’ve ever cried over her while I was holding her. She got pretty scared…I told her it was just Mama’s happy tears because I love her so much. She kept shaking her head and saying, “NO!" then trying to wipe my tears. I called to Hope and said, “Hopie? Does Mama cry happy tears?” In her own completely exasperated 6 year old way she hollered back, “Yeeeeeessss…all the time!”

So Claire...she's such a clown…does different voices…such a nurturer…even wants to take care of me…she’s got a wicked sense of humor…thinks the words "boogers" and "underpants" are wildly hilarious...yeah…the school is going to be calling me about this one frequently. This morning she told me a ghost story that had me in stitches! It went something like this: "Once upon a time there was a scaaaaaaaaaaaaaary ghost! He was upstairs. He smelled lunch my house! But I couldn't see him...because he was scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaary!" Now mind you the whole time she was doing this she had her little hands at face level wiggling her fingers back and forth for effect.

And just for Carolina?  Joepie de poepie!!!!!!!!!!  If you don't get that reference check this post and the comments that follow...which I see is dated a year ago yesterday!  Yes, the dreaded potty training dragon has been slain!  JOEPIE DE POEPIE!!!!  She's still wearing "Dora's"...whatever Pampers' version of pull-ups are called.  Hey, they're covered with Dora The Explorer...we call them Dora's!  She's still wearing Dora's for nap and bedtime.  I have purchased my last pack of diapers.  Again I cry, "JOEPIE DE POEPIE!!!!"

So what do we do for Gotcha Day?  Well, it's different really every year.  We follow the girls' leads.  This year Claire wants me to make "padiddie" (spaghetti) for dinner.  I'm also going to bake a cake as soon as I'm done here.  She'll receive one of her Gotcha Day gifts Garry purchased in China using MY LIST (another giggle inducing reference to former posts).  She, like Hope at age three, could care less about China.  The pictures, videos, etc. can wait until she's ready for them.

And what will we do for Hope's Gotcha Day?  Wait and's next Friday.  ")

Be blessed y'all...until next time.

P.S.  And although I have already thanked my "Live Journal" numerous times for being the catalyst that triggered the destruction of my walls?  Again...thank you from the bottom of my heart.


Jay said...

Happy gotcha day for you and Claire! It's funny how that happens .. you have a first child and you love him/her to bits. So completely you're almost like one person. Then comes the little interloper you so desperately wanted and .. it's hard not to feel they're intruding upon your perfect world. Oh, these feelings are not conscious feelings, but they're there, and they do put up a barrier between you and the new one. It happens with birth children too. But time goes on and you suddenly find one day that that kind of union is there. And it has been pretty much all along, only you were too busy with life and 'I'm not doing very well on an emotional level here' feelings to notice. ;)

Carolina said...

JOEPIE DE POEPIE!!!!!!!! I'm doing a silly dance now too, so happy for you!
Congratulations :-)
I just love the expression 'gotcha-day'. And that sweet. Huge cat by the way. Or tiny Claire.
Don't you just love Jay? She knows exactly what to say.

Lots of love and I can't wait to find out about Claire's Gotcha Day.

Mel said...

Carolina---Gussie really isn't all that huge, he's all fur! Claire is pretty tall though. And yes, we are all doing the Joepie de Poepie dance.

Jay---Carolina is right. You are THE Yoda for women of a certain age.

Related Posts with Thumbnails