Gotcha Day...Number 6!!!

Yeah...I know.  I can't believe it either.  Six years ago today a gorgeous eleven month old bundle of quiet calm was placed in my arms and life has never been the same.  And by the way?  She's no longer quiet OR calm...gorgeous is a given.  ")

As I always have in these matters...and have taken more heat for this than you can imagine...I let my girls dictate what we do and don't do concerning the topic of adoption and Chinese culture.  This is not to say that we ignore either of those things.  Our home is filled with videos, books, pictures, items etc. that are all things China and/or adoption.  Claire is just beginning to show the slightest of interest.  This week I started talking to her about where she used to live and what her name used to be.  She's beyond engrossed in the story.  The more she asks, the more information I will give her.  Hope wanted to know much, much earlier and then right around the age of three didn't want any part of it.  She even told me she wasn't Chinese.  That all went away as soon as she had a baby sister from China.  We go with it people.  Maybe my girls have or never will give it another thought...or maybe they will still be processing these feelings well into their adult lives.  I have no way of knowing.  For now?  I do what works for us.

On Wednesday evening this week, Hope asked if she could take a treat in to share with her class to celebrate Gotcha Day.  I was floored but completely comfortable with it.  I emailed her teacher who said that would be wonderful!  She also asked if I would send in pictures and they would have a Gotcha Day celebration.  So this morning I filled Hope's backpack with some mini Hershey bars (yum), some pictures from her Gotcha Day and her lifebook.  (For those of you not familiar with the concept of a lifebook you can read about them here.)  Oh...I can hear you screaming already.

First off?  Hope's teacher is an adoptive mother.  She gets it.  Secondly?  Hope wanted to take her lifebook and we talked about things that were ok to share.  Finally?  I told her teacher to use what details she thought were appropriate.  And no, this isn't the original.  That is safely on the shelf in my office/studio.  This is Hope's well loved, dog eared, twice bound copy that she has read at least 347 times.  Again, her choice...but with Mama's guidance.  Ok?

What else?  Well, she asked me if I would bake her some brownies which are now cooling on the island.  She wants Daddy to make her some "Pigs In A Spud".  These are like twice baked potatoes with a hot dog inside.  The kid would eat hot dogs 24/7.  We had a minor glitch there when Daddy had to go out of town and it looked like he wasn't going to be home in time to celebrate Gotcha Day, let alone make dinner.  Things have been rearranged, he is currently in the air on his way home, and should be home by five.  Say a prayer or two please!  The only other Gotcha Day he's missed was when he was in China to bring Claire home.  Hope informed me at the time, that that was the only acceptable excuse for missing her Gotcha Day.

Just as we did with Claire, she will receive one of her gifts that we purchased for her in China.  In years past we have watched the videos or the slideshow I put together from our trip.  But again, there isn't a whole lot of interest there yet.  She did mention she'd like to go through her treasure box.

Oh, and let me interject that the treasure box/gotcha day gifts/videos etc.  ideas aren't mine!  They've all been suggested to me by other China BTDT's!!!

Ok...her treasure box.  This is simply a Rubbermaid container filled with her treasures from China.  Her box contains things like: the bottle the CWI staff gave us to feed her, the clothes she was wearing the day she joined us, the blanket she slept under at the CWI, gifts the shopkeepers gave her in Guangzhou, the "little itty bitty Lilo" she originally bonded with, the clothes (most probably) her birth mother dressed her in and the note (again, most probably) she pinned to her before she told her goodbye.  Claire also has a treasure box and if she shows interest in Hope's?  We'll get hers out too!

One of my clearest memories of Hope's Gotcha Day was right after Mme. Xu handed her to me.  I, no big surprise here, was crying.  I remember turning away from everyone...not because I was crying...but simply because it was as if no one else existed at that moment except Hope.  I can still smell her hair...which was so coarse...and getting wetter by the minute with my tears.  I whispered over and over to her, "I love you Han Tao."  This is a part of her story that Hope knows very well.  This morning, she was sitting at the table, had finished her breakfast, and had asked to be excused.  When I went over to take her dishes from her, I bent down, kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I love you Han Tao."  Without missing a beat she whispered back, "I love you too Mama...always."  Yeah...she went to school with wet hair.

Be blessed y'all,

And now...for the disorganized ramblings of a waiting parent...

We were on cloud nine here at The Family Homestead last week for a couple of days. The rumor was that CCAA was working hard to catch up and make the wait for referral 12 months. The next batch of referrals were to contain the rest of July 2005 and all of August 2005. We were GIDDY I tell you! I mean, even with the LID mess, that would've meant that we would receive our Claire's picture and information in either that batch or the very next one.

HA! So much for giddy! Referrals came out last week...on a good note, EARLIER than everyone had expected. On a silly ridiculous note, they only included seven working days worth of matches. No "official" cut-off date has been published however, it seems that in the last 3-4 weeks they've only moved from July 13, 2005-July 22, 2005. Want to hear something insane? I laughed. Yes...laughed. I mean, how much more proof do I need that God is orchestrating this whole thing? SEVEN DAYS? HILARIOUS! I get it...I really do...Claire isn't ready yet...but could you just hurry her up a little bit? ; )

Sadness sets in when I think about when the referral might come. Yes, I still hold out hope that they are going to catch up. However, if we don't receive our referral by mid-October at the latest, there is very little chance of having her here with us for Christmas. We have a little porcelain ornament from last Christmas which I have hanging on our fridge. It says, "Waiting For Claire 2005". I think I'm going to have to pull out one of my pigma pens and add 2006 as well.

We were refingerprinted on August 10th. We received our updated I 171-H (The Holy Grail of All International Adoption Documents) on the 19th! Seriously...I almost passed out. That turnaround is UNHEARD of! Now, if we could just get the CCAA moving! ")

Because...our I 171-H expires in mid-December. If we aren't back in the US with Claire by then, we have to spend more money, update paperwork, file more forms, visit our social worker...you get the idea.

Hope starts preschool next month. With the added stress of the extended wait for Claire, and trying to be upbeat about being separated from my OTHER baby I have, well, extended MY weight. Eating everything that doesn't eat me first doesn't seem to be the healthiest coping mechanism OR a good example for my girls. SO! I've been busy doing extra workouts, skipping dessert, and limiting portions. I'm doing very well, no eating disorder danger signs. I'm down three pounds and I plan to lose seven more before preschool starts. Again, nothing drastic. It was just very depressing that I couldn't fit into some of the shorts I had gotten at the beginning of THIS summer.

I finished the text for Hope's lifebook and we have been working on putting it together all this week. She's really enjoying playing with the pictures and stickers. I'm really enjoying seeing it come together. It is turning into a real work of art...but more importantly, it is going to be an invaluable tool for her AND us as she deals with where she came from.

Garry and Hope put up Claire's crib last weekend. I've yet to do anything other than clean it. I'll get busy this week...I promise! :)

Y'all take care...

I believe I have officially reached the end of my rope. Seriously, I found myself crying in the shower the other night and telling God that I can't do this anymore. I am so incredibly tired. I go from the moment I get up until I collapse on the couch after my shower in the evening. It is the ONLY way I've found that I don't think about this whole adoption situation 24 hours a day. My house has never been cleaner...you can darn near eat off our garage floor AND it's almost organized...the overgrown flowerbeds are next...if this referral doesn't come soon I'm going to have to start on the basement! ::horrors::

Yes, we make light of it and put on happy faces for Hope, but folks, I'm telling you...I'm at my limit. I guess that CCAA has finally moved into their new building? I placed a question mark there because no one seems to know for sure but rumors abound. Some say referrals will come out this week...some say not until the week of August 1st. In any case I pray that the next batch contains ALL of the July referrals. As stressed out as we are right now, I can only imagine what the agency's July 20th group is going through. Especially if they've read the rumor saying that the next batch will only include up to the 13th or something like that. Pray for them please. Another rumor states that an update will be placed at the CCAA website this evening, which is tomorrow morning in China. Could someone look for me? Maybe I can sort of just peek through my fingers at it. As frightened as I am to think that they may have only matched another half a month, I also have to hold on to some hope that maybe, just maybe, they did the whole month of July.

I finally started Hope's lifebook. GADS! That does nothing to alleviate the stress and tears either! But I would walk through hell for both of my girls and if this is going to help my Hope deal with her past and being adopted then I'm going to finish the thing and get it into her hands as soon as possible. I took the easy way out first and bought all of the supplies. Next, and the hardest part for me, is writing the actual text. There is a WONDERFUL book called "Lifebooks: Creating A Treasure For The Adopted Child". It is written by Beth O'Malley and I highly recommend it. It is written in very straight forward, common sense language and basically walks you through each and every step. She even includes a page by page example if you are truly stuck. SO! I started by typing all of her pages into the computer. Then I go through and change all of her specifics to Hope's specifics. After that I go through again and change it into language that sounds like me. Today was the day for details. Oh Lord...I sat here reading the translations of medical and development reports that we received with her referral...the same reports I must've read at least 300 times between the time we got them and the time she was handed to me in China. Have any documents ever been so precious? I mean, they are the ONLY link between you and your daughter for at least 6 weeks! They weren't any easier to get through, and I still can't read them without crying. No writing was done today. I'll get back to it tomorrow. Once the text is written then Hope and I will start assembling the pages together. We will pick out background papers and go through all of our pictures and match them with the text. In theory, perhaps Claire's lifebook will be a little easier? ; )

Enough for now...I need to go and do something happy! Here's hoping I have something good to report very soon!