She is simply breathtaking...an incredibly beautiful child!

To those who are hoping to see her picture on the blog today...forgive me! Let us share it with family, friends, and e-friends first! Tomorrow...just try and stop me from posting it!

Details and pictures tomorrow!

Oh YEAH! Just another example of working on communcation skills with waiting clients...we aren't GETTING a call! LOL

Garry is on his way home right now with the packet! I want him to get home safely...but I also want him to SPEED!!!

I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

Random thoughts zooming around my brain...

Last time, the wait was easier. Why? Because I had no clue about rumor sites, or DTC groups, or anything like that! LOL Honestly, it was sooooo much easier not knowing a blessed thing until the day the phone rang out of the blue with Hope's referral. And me being me, I can't police myself well enough to stay away from those sites! I'm weak...so very weak...

Now, waiting and waiting and waiting for the phone to ring...THIS is the first time I can actually say the wait has been easier because Hope is here. When she snuggled up to me today and gave me a big hug and a kiss...well y'all...there's just not anything much better than that.

Ok, NOW I'm freaking out.

We have YET to be called and at least one member of our group was called almost two hours ago. Is something wrong? Garry is on his way to the agency right now to see what's going on. I don't mind telling you I've had enough AND I WANT TO SEE MY BABY!!!!!

Here is every single thing I know about her so far. This information comes from Zhou:

We got referrals for Sept.5 LID families too. They are from Chongqing area. Two babies from Fengdu, 5 from Qianjiang. Beautiful babies and they are young too.

THANK YOU to Cheri who let me know that that info had been posted.

Still waiting...

Still nothing...

And Sandy...I'm not going to call and ask! ")

Let me clarify my emotions for y'all if I can...I am NOT sad. I am not even close to sad! After 23 full months of angst and false starts and disappointments I am about as far away from sad as I can get! My emotions are all over the place, but they are all positive!

I am also having a few little nagging doubts...you know...everyone else got their referrals but we didn't get ours...or our LID has changed yet again. Those kinds of things...

Someone from the agency will call when the referrals are ready to be picked up...and not before! For me, I really don't think it would help knowing that they were there and I couldn't do anything about it! LOL

Cheri, thanks for the sweet, sweet comments about our family in your blog. I know the torture you are going through...waiting and watching each and every month only to be met with disappointment. Your turn will come and I pray that it comes VERY SOON! Once you are holding *your* precious Hope in your arms, you will know just why you had to wait so long. You still won't *LIKE* that you had to wait so long, but you'll understand! ")

I can't focus...I can't complete simple tasks...I can't stop crying...

Still no call...

I decided to write in the journal I've been keeping for Claire. That started the tears flowing. THEN I opened Hope's journal and read what I had written to her at the same point in our journey to her. Now I REALLY can't stop crying.

Losing what little mind I have left...

The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before September 8, 2005.

Yeah baby! As Garry said this morning after sharing this information,

"Let the games begin!"

Barring any other unforeseen mix-ups either in this country or The People's Republic of China we should be gazing at our perfect, precious, second daughter's face either today or tomorrow. Referrals have already started arriving in Europe!

C'mon phone! RING!!!!!

Nothing yet...I'm going to keep praying and cross everything I possibly can that tomorrow is the day!

A rather cryptic message from our agency to one of the other members in our group:

"I wouldn't be entirely surprised if you heard tomorrow."

Heard what? I don't know...but I'm choosing to remain positive!

Rumors...

"All of September will be included with the next batch."
"The cut-off date will be September 7th."
"People with mid-September LID's are being told they will not be included in the next batch of referrals."

And my personal favorite...

"An agency has told their clients that referrals have been mailed and should be here Thursday."

Even if they do only get to September 7th, we're still included in there with an LID of September 5th. Oh...dare I dream that I will be looking at my precious daughter's face by the end of this week?

I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!!

Mmmmm...spooky cheese fingers...

No, I didn't go through with my threat to go postal. These little morsels are what Hope took to her preschool Halloween party. I made them with my own two hands...and *my* fingers are still intact!

Well, there aren't any rumors out there so I have nothing to share on that account.

Apparently there were eight agencies involved in the "Great CCAA LID Mix-Up". I give our agency credit. They informed us that we were switched last January. Other folks from other agencies weren't told until they didn't receive their referrals when they thought they were coming. What a nightmare. And also apparently, we were not just added to the September group, we *became* the September group...while they became the August group. According to members of the original September and now August group, they were not told that their LID's had been switched. The agency didn't want to have to call them back and tell them that they had been switched back again should CCAA have decided to correct the error.

SO, moving on...congrats to the new families...and I'm ready to see my baby!

Another word or two...or fifty about adoption agencies. I've been doing a lot of reading online lately and for the life of me, I don't understand how ANY of these agencies stay in business. Some sound slightly better than ours, and others sound grossly worse. There are people out there going through grander ordeals than we are. Some are being denied at the very last minute...when they are expecting their referral. Some are living and dying by when the next referrals come out.

At this point I don't care. I just want my baby. As one waiting parent put it, "I'm not getting on that roller coaster again. I'm just going to stand on the side and watch what happens." Amen sister. I want to be able to say, "We're next!" and know that's true.

Until next time...

P.S. In case you are wondering I am hopelessly caught up in the phenomenon that is "Dancing With The Stars". And yes...I cast all my votes for Emmitt and Cheryl!

A little early...but it needs to be done!

Things I Am Thankful For

1. I am eternally grateful to everyone who has taken the time to call, pray, email, or speak with us personally over this latest mess. I couldn't possibly name all of you without forgetting someone, so I'm not even going to try. Please know that it means so very much to us to have your support!

2. The group of babies that was just referred to our agency were from Jiangxi. We had requested that if it be at all possible, we would like our daughter to be from Anhui, just like Hope. A sign? Perhaps!

3. I have had curly AND wavy hair since oh...I don't know...fourth grade? When we returned home from China my curl disappeared...all of it. I joked with many people who say pregnancy hormones completely change your hair...so do adoption hormones! I also joked that I knew it would be time to bring Claire home when and if my curls returned. They are back, as well as the waves...with a vengeance.

4. Thank you TLC for running a week's worth of stories dealing with international adoption on "A Baby Story". If you are unfamiliar with this show you can learn more here. I've watched many babies being born and while it is heartwarming I have no personal point of reference for the experience. This week however, watching babies being handed to new parents in airports, government buildings, and orphanages...well, this I get...and I've needed Kleenex's every single day. Today was China and although I've seen this episode before it was no less touching than the first time. The mother was traveling with her sister, while daughter number one from China stayed home with her daddy. In his words, and I can't remember if I've posted this before or not, so bear with me, "Yes, I'm going to miss not having the same experience I did the first time. But things are different the second time around." Amen.

5. Thank you God above for my precious husband. I wouldn't even be alive today had I not met him. And yes, most people who don't know him think he's very much like "House" on the television show of the same name. However, within our little family he is the kindest, gentlest, most patient and loving individual I've ever known. The man keeps me sane and stable.

6. Another giant thank you to our Heavenly Father for my girls. Kim, my little sis who is more grown up than I am; Jennifer, my separated at birth twin who has opened my heart and mind to so much more than I ever could've imagined; Rachael and Alicia who I couldn't love anymore if I *HAD* given birth to them; Hope An-Li, there are no words to describe how deeply I love this gift from God; and my Claire, I don't know what you look like...I don't know where you are...but I love you with my whole heart baby girl and I can't wait to meet you.

7. Ok, so 7 is a partial repeat...I'm going to talk about Hope some more! We've had almost two full weeks of no tears at preschool. She's been upset about her own things...and what with the tension in the house over the current adoption, things were bound to boil over soon. One morning at breakfast she asked me, "When Daddy go to China, he will come back?" Yet another time she opened up with, "When Mama hold Claire, she will still hold Hopie?" Lots of talking...lots of reassuring...lots of EXTRA holding. She's amazing.

She's also HILARIOUS! She's obsessed with Disney's "Little Einsteins". Again, if you'd like more information visit them here! Every so often she'll throw out, "Mama? Who's Mozart?" My personal favorite this week was, "Mama? Who's Georges Bizet?" She's also become highly proficient at, well, how do I describe it? You know how kids put their tongues in and out of their mouths really fast and make a...I don't know..."blethu, blethu, blethu" sound? LOLOLOLOL Ok, well, my daughter performs Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov's "Flight Of The Bumblebee" that way. You can't make this stuff up friends!

And lastly, this weekend we went to Sugarcreek in Amish Country. We ordered a new kitchen table from Andreas and as you HAVE to do when in Amish Country, we ate too much! Monday morning while I was getting her dressed I asked her where she went on Saturday. Her answer? "Boogercreek!" We both collapsed in a fit of giggles until we were both gasping for air. Probably NOT my best parenting moment but the kid knows when she's got me!

8. A final thank you for my boys...Humphrey and Gus who make each and every day special in one way or another! And Garth and Horatio who are God's lap cats...for now!

And the joy just continues...

Well, after my cry this morning I called Garry and told him the news. He was as thrilled as I was obviously. I then shoved a Twix bar into my mouth and turned on Joyce Meyer. As usual, God was using her to speak directly to my situation. I was reminded that in life there are going to be times of joy AND times of sorrow, but God always has my back. It is MY job to stop acting like a whiny brat and go on with my life and trust HIM to do what is right. I did some seriously loud sobbing, and then my day really turned around...for awhile. I even vowed to write a best seller titled, "God & Chocolate".

The phone rang this morning and it was our social worker. Remember I said we had to redo our I600A? Garry sent all of that in to USCIS in Cleveland and they promptly sent it all back because we hadn't included the fee for fingerprints. Garry found the amendment to our current I171H that clearly states that our fingerprints are good until November 2007, copied it, and sent everything back to them. So far so good. They also need an update from our social worker, which brings me to her call this morning. Apparently someone from the agency called her today and wanted to know where the update was. She knew nothing about it. Apparently they sent her an email and she never got it. I don't know...is it just me or isn't that something important enough to pick up the phone for in the first place? Whatever, it's taken care of now.

Garry then called Chris at the agency to see what's up with our LID. Here's where the fun really begins. The agency did receive referrals today...not for our group though...for the group AFTER us. Yes, our dossiers were sent to China on August 9th, 2005 and logged in on August 25th, 2005. Their's went over later in August and were logged in on September 5th, 2005. Apparently the mix-up was complete in that ours are now September 5th, and theirs are August 25th.

He also questioned her about USCIS returning our packet and refingerprinting. Get this...every USCIS office does it differently...EVEN WITHIN THE SAME STATE. Depending on what Cleveland does, we may have to PAY THEM AGAIN and HAVE OUR FINGERPRINTS TAKEN YET AGAIN EVEN THOUGH WE JUST WENT THROUGH THIS IN AUGUST!!!!!

Fury best describes how I'm feeling...so does depressed...sad and angry work too...and I've even managed to whip out a dark laugh. I'm tired...soooo very tired. I don't want to feel like this. My spirit knows that God is behind this and He knows best. My flesh just wants to yell, scream, and make somebody else hurt like I do right now.

Why is this happening? I don't get it...I really don't get it. I just want to see my baby's face...please God...soon?

The cut off date is now posted at CCAA's website. It is August 25, 2005.

Since we haven't received a call from anyone at the agency I can only assume that August 25th is truly NOT our LID.

Here's praying that they'll make it through September 5th in the next batch of referrals...whenever that my be.

I'm going to go cry now.