Business first! I have been tagged by Tammie...and I promised her that my next post would take care of that tag...well...the post AFTER this one will take care of that Tammie! I PROMISE!

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Today I wanted to share some memories of Christmas 2008.

Last weekend we bundled the girls into the car to look at Christmas lights. We do this every year...even before the girls joined us. This year was extra special though because it was the first year that BOTH girls actually paid attention, noticed and pointed out displays, got genuinely excited, and truly enjoyed themselves. Honestly, Hope has never given a toss about looking at lights, but suddenly at age 5, it was cool. And Claire? She was more into it last year at 21 months than her sister was at 4 years. And Mama? I found two houses within spitting distance of each other that had the infamous "leg lamp" dead center in their front room windows. LOVED IT!

The next day Santa made an impromptu appearance after naptime. He's done this every year since Hope came home and yet she never expects him...and I'll be darned if Daddy doesn't miss him every single year. Go figure. Hope was her usual bubbly, bouncy, exuberant self and Claire? Well, Claire didn't really want a whole lot to do with Santa. At one point she popped that bottom lip out and I thought there were going to be tears. She did sit on his lap for just a second...as long as Hope was sitting on his other knee. Yet, as soon as he left? She couldn't stop chattering about "Tanta!"

Christmas morning is always fun. Hope races into our room and wishes each of us a Merry Christmas and then begins to ponder if Santa truly came the night before. We all get dressed and have breakfast...applesauce pancakes. Hope is even more into tradition than I am if that's humanly possible, so we try to have something special for each holiday breakfast too...and Christmas morning you have applesauce pancakes...period. By the time we're done eating the girls are getting a severe case of the wiggles. So! Upstairs to brush your teeth then Daddy waits by the Christmas tree with the video camera to capture the wonder on their faces when they first spy their loot. Only this year? They both charged in there while Mama was finishing getting the pancakes on the table so we missed the initial facial reactions. However, by the shrieks of "Somebody got a sled! I think Claire got a dollhouse! HE WAS HERE!!!!!" I'm thinking they were fairly pleased with the outcome.

And they are happy! The dollhouse was for both of them and they have played with it every day. The sled is also for both of them and Hope is losing her mind...she wants it to snow so, and I quote, "We can all put on our boots then Daddy can pull us up the hill in the sled while Mama takes our picture." I think Hope's favorite gifts are a tie between her Tag Reader and her box of Legos...she only puts the Tag Reader down long enough to play with her Legos! Claire's favorites this year? Hmmm...probably her Wonder Pets playset...and a tie between HER Legos and her coloring book and crayons.

And what did my true love(s) give to me this Christmas?

First, there were no gifts this year that I cried over...not a first, but definitely few and far between. The reason being that about halfway through the girls opening their gifts my head felt like it was going to explode and only got worse as the day progressed. By dinnertime two doses of meds and a nap had taken care of my "dumb head" as my dear grandmother used to call it.

The Gift I've Wanted For the Longest Time

YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!! I got my green phone! It has so many bells and whistles I hardly know where to start! My first cell...way back when...was one of those bag phones...remember those? After that I would take Garry's old cell when he would get a new one. I really had no need for one other than in an emergency so it was no big deal. As the girls get older, and one is in school, and I am out with Claire running errands...there is a need for a phone in working order in case something happens to Hope at school and I need to be contacted. The phone I had been using was becoming less and less reliable...wouldn't hold a charge...would shut off on a whim...Garry had long forgotten the code to get into the voicemail box...which was flashing with a message. So was I happy when I opened THIS little package? You BET! When I asked him if he needed to turn my old one in his response was, "The guy at the store didn't want it...but The Smithsonian was interested."

The Gift I Will Treasure The Most

Technically this was for both Garry and me. Hope created this ornament for both of us at school. You KNOW how I am about Christmas ornaments!

The Gift I Am Enjoying The Most

These are the cutest...most comfortable...warmest...WONDERFUL slippers I've ever owned...and they're green! I hate slippers...but I'm always cold from late summer until late spring! In years past I always received those Dearfoams...things. Yes those darling little booties are warm...but they also are made out of some of the most disgusting fabrics...it's impossible to walk in them without making loud scuffing/shuffling noises...and they explode with no advance warning. I apologize to anyone who enjoys their Dearfoams...I've just never had good luck with them! So this year I picked out my own slippers from L.L. Bean and put in an order with Santa Garry. I love them...AND him...and they don't make a single solitary sound when I walk!

The Gift I'm Looking Forward To Partaking In

You may remember I love tea...and I'm mad for McVities digestives...and a good read. Next week while the girls are napping? I've got a date with my fireplace and these three delightful items.

The Most Creative Gift...Ever

Well...that would be the gift I received from Terri. As she reads my rants about being stressed out of my mind and how that leads to chocolate binges...which then lead to crashing and even more mood swings...she spins a clever plot.

Friday while we ran out to hit the 50% off sales at Berean, Barnes & Noble, and Claire's, Terri was playing Santa's helper.

After we returned home I checked my email and there was a message from her telling me to look on my porch. I found the most adorable snowman mug stuffed with bags of peppermint hot chocolate. I was thrilled because...well...I had just finished a peppermint hot chocolate! I sent her a message thanking her profusely. Sometime later she emailed asking if I had discovered the chocolate "strips". I hadn't. I opened the packet containing the envelopes of hot chocolate and discovered two bags each containing three strips of chocolate. She instructed me that I was to use one of these when I got stressed out. The little bit of chocolate wouldn't make me crash and when I finished with one of them I would feel so good the stress would simply melt away. She also gave me instructions on how to remove the chocolate...you can use your imagination.

So, with her instructions firmly in mind, and one of the strips firmly in hand, I started the task of removing the chocolate. Of course, the side I chose to remove first revealed nothing. However...upon divesting the OTHER side of the delightful little strip? Well...that girl had taken a picture of an aforementioned actor that I've had a crush on for years...laminated it...and covered it in chocolate. And no...there was nothing lewd about the picture...he looks pretty snappy in a suit and tie! And no...I'm not telling you who he is...a good portion of you already know. I think I've got 5 more of these little strips to look forward to! The girl could make a FORTUNE selling these...a fortune I tell you.

My Most Unexpected Gift

God's timing is something else, isn't it? If I've learned nothing else in 46 years I've learned that lesson. When I woke up Christmas morning the thought that popped immediately into my mind was the day Hope joined our family. I could see Mme. Xu's face just inches from mine...her eyes twinkling...her soft smile...shaking her head yes as I verified I was there for Zhu Han Tao...and then she handed my Hope to me...and all I could do was say, "Thank you...thank you...thank you..." and cry...and hold my baby close...and smell her hair...and whisper over and over "I love you Han Tao." Memories made all the more precious as I wasn't able to be there when Claire joined our family.

Shortly after savoring those precious thoughts I had two very loud and very excited girls in my bedroom wanting to know if Santa had come...he has friends...he has...

Peace, joy, and blessings for 2009!

OOOOOOHHHHH!!!! I want to HOLD HER!!!!!

I don't know who is more excited that the paper chain is dwindling...Hopie or Mama. I simply cannot wait to have them home.

Hope is showing the strain...she's not napping...she's irritable...she just wants her Daddy home. She says she wants her "baby sista" home too...we'll see how she feels after Claire has been home for awhile! ")

Her daily presents from Daddy and Claire have been a big hit. Every night, after she is asleep, I choose one from my secret stash and "hide" it somewhere in the house. She has an absolute blast each morning searching for her gift. She was explaining to me just how they get to her...

"Daddy makes them in China then Claire holds them. After Daddy wraps them he sends them down while I'm asleep so I can find them in the morning." Ahhhh...to have the innocence and faith of a three year old! I am beyond envious.

She also can't wait to see the pictures that Daddy emails, or Zhou posts, or Kristian posts. Come to think of it, neither can I. " )

Garry and Claire had a very productive Sunday. He said that he's almost finished with my list! What a MAN! It appears that both Zhou AND Garry were right about Sunday's itinerary...two day's activities were combined into one. They spent the morning at the art museum in Guangzhou. We visited there with Hope and really enjoyed it...the museum shops were good too. Our girls...well...let's just say we now have a picture of BOTH of them sleeping there. He said it was a beautiful, warm, sunny day with just the slightest breeze. While they were walking through one of the courtyards he heard sparrows. He immediately took out the video camera and took some video so I could hear one of my favorite sounds in the universe. Crying again...here he is, stressed out of his mind, separated from his family, worried about baby number two...and he's still thinking of me. Is it any wonder why I love this man?

After the art museum they went to the jade market. None of the vendors were interested in bargaining. If you told them no to their first offer they ignored you. Hey, as far as Garry and I were concerned, who cares?! That place was SCARY! LOL I remember it as being dark and smoky and scary...like an old black and white movie about opium dens! ::shudder::

From the jade market they walked to the pearl market. NOW WE'RE TALKING! He did some serious damage there buying gifts for our girls and others. Then he tells me that he chose a strand and had them string a bracelet for Claire, a bracelet for Hope, and the remaining pearls into a bracelet for me. Crud...I guess I'm just going to keep crying during this post.

The group had lunch at Pizza Hut. Again, Garry and I wouldn't be caught dead near a Pizza Hut in the states, but in Guangzhou, it's good enough to roll in! LOL Kristian posted a picture of Garry and Claire at Pizza Hut. He looks so tired...I'm starting to worry.

After lunch, back on the bus and back to the hotel. Zhou told them he needed one member from each family to meet him for paperwork. Ok...what about Garry? He told him to put Claire to sleep in the stroller and bring her. That wasn't happening. Rick, like the sweet, sweet man that he is, came to Garry's room and sat with her while Garry was finishing paperwork. She's bonding with her Daddy so well! She wouldn't take her bottle from Rick...and when Garry returned she put her arms out to him to be picked up. Need more Kleenex!

While doing paperwork Garry was told that the forms the agency had told me to fill out two days before he left, were not needed. Garry kept asking Zhou, "Are you sure? They told me she HAD to fill these out and get them notarized." Zhou said, "Yes, sure! Garry, I do this all the time! I no make mistake!" After forms were passed out there was one rather long and complicated one...and Garry's was already filled out! He said, "Umm, Zhou? Mine's done." Zhou says, "I know. I feel sorry for you. I do it. I no know Melissa's maiden name. You do that."

For those of you who have never dealt with Zhou, he is the best. I would NEVER want to be in China without him. However...and you know the problems we've had with the agency...while the group was waiting for Zhou to join them, one of the fathers said, "We'd use this agency again just so we could have Zhou." Almost in unison, FOUR of the other families said, "He's good but that's not enough." Sad but true. I guess it's good to hear that it wasn't just us...but how sad that four out of seven families in one group had a horrible agency experience. And it was horrible...they shared their stories.

Tomorrow they have the entire day to themselves. Zhou has to go work his magic at the consulate and they have the day to bond...and shop!

More later!

Peace has returned to our home. ::sigh:: It is a wonderful feeling.

Yesterday was possibly the longest day of my life...and I didn't spend it trapped on an airplane. We had to be out of the door by 5 a.m. to get Garry to the airport on time. I woke Hope up, put her on the potty, and went into her room to get her some clothes. When I went back into the bathroom she was sitting there, quiet as a mouse, with tears streaming down her face. When I asked her what was wrong she said, "Nothin!" I asked her if she was sad. She said, "Yes!" Daddy came around the corner and she just wept..."I don't want Daddy to go to China!" Her heart was breaking...my heart was breaking...I can't even imagine what Garry felt like.

When we got to the airport, we waited for Garry while he checked in. We stood beside a group of 6-8 young Asian men who were in love with Hopie. They were all smiles and kept waving at her trying to get her to wave back. One of them looked at me and said, "She crying!" Yes...she was. But nothing like what she was doing about 20 minutes after that when we were saying good-bye to Daddy before he went through security. It was just tragic. She was screaming and freaking out...she was doing exactly what I felt like doing but couldn't. I couldn't even look at Garry because I knew I would lose it completely. We hugged him good-bye, then I picked her up and we walked off through the airport and out into the frigid morning air with tears streaming down both of our faces. Again, I don't know how Garry managed to get on the plane...he's a strong man.

We spent the day doing quiet things. She wanted to look for pictures of The Three Gorges. Don't ask...physically she's three...mentally I'm thinking in her thirties. We couldn't find any so I went online and printed out one for her. She says it's ok for now, but she wants Daddy to email her one from China. The reason? When I showed her the picture of The Three Gorges she said, "I can only see two."

We made a paper chain to hang in her room. Last night before bed she got to take off one link to symbolize her first day without Daddy was over. We have little presents ready for her...one for each day he is gone. (Thank you Sandy for the idea!) Each morning I make a big deal out of "finding a present that Daddy and Claire hid for her." She loves unwrapping them and so far, each day has asked if there are any more! We also bought her some of those individual boxes of cereal. I have them lined up on the kitchen counter so she can choose one each morning and watch the boxes dwindle each day until Daddy & Claire get home.

Me? I just play games in my head...you only have to clean the bathrooms two times and then they'll be home! You get the idea.

I spent A LOT of time yesterday online tracking his flights. He had promised to call during a layover and didn't. I was freaking out big time. You can imagine the things I had going through my head. When I talked to him this morning I asked what had happened. He said that he was afraid him calling so soon would upset Hope. He's such a good Daddy. She talked to him this morning and was just the picture of total cuteness. As soon as she heard his voice her face lit up with the brightest smile. She stood there talking to him, smiling, and wringing her little hands. It was adorable.

Thanks to everyone who has offered to help should we need you. We appreciate it! So far so good. We're a pretty independent bunch...but we will certainly give you a call if we need something.

Many of you have asked us for specific dates. When we went through the process for Hope we published all the important trip dates, passed out our itinerary...why nothing this time? Well...this time is different! This time it is all about a family of three having the time to bond and become a family of four. Hope had BOTH of her parents with her in China. She had to depend on both of us to take care of her. By the time we got home, she had bonded with us and knew that we were Mama and Daddy. Claire isn't going to have that luxury. We are sure she will bond with Garry as she will have to trust him to care for her in China. But once they get off that plane back home, she's not going to know Mama or Hope from any of the other strangers that are milling around her at the airport. More than likely it will be a rough couple of weeks as she adjusts not only to her new surroundings but as she learns that I am her Mama and I'm not leaving her. And let's not forget she's got a big sister who's jumping up and down to get ahold of her!

I have given Garry "STRICT INSTRUCTIONS" (LOL) that he is not to let ANY women hold her. I keep remembering what we were told in our attachment and bonding class that we had to take the first time through. Babies will bond three times before they start to distrust. The first time is with their birth parents. And yes, even those who are put up for adoption at such a young age have bonded with their birth parents. Both of my girls will forever be bonded to their birth mothers if only by the simple fact that they carried them inside their bodies for nine months. The second bonding has already occurred with the caretakers at the orphanage. In both cases, those she has bonded with have "left" her. The third bonding occurs with their new parents. So you see...with Hope and I not making the trip, it looks like we're going to miss the third bonding period.

In an attempt to at least "introduce" ourselves to her, I prepared a book with pictures of all of us for Garry to take with him. I also made a video of me singing a lullaby to Claire, and one of Hope talking and singing to her. In this way he can play them over and over for her while we are apart.

Another thing that I hear a lot is, "You must be so excited!" Not really. For over two years now we've had to keep our emotions in check. Anger and frustration became the only emotions we knew. But now, ever so slightly...especially after hearing that Garry was safely in Beijing...things are starting to change. I am still guarded...you can't help be with this whole process...but I'm starting to believe that this just may happen. No excitement yet, but something much more wonderful...inner peace.

Until next time!

P.S. You can hear Allison Krauss singing her version of Claire's lullaby at the bottom of the page.