More disjointed ramblings from a waiting parent...

I am beyond insane...simply beyond it...and not in a GOOD way! On a happy, well, maybe not...maybe INTERESTING note, the last referral cutoff was August 9th, 2005. That was the date that our dossier was sent to China.

I have come to rely on the rumors now. Whereas before I found them irritating, now as we get closer and closer I find them NECESSARY to get through the day. The latest are certainly interesting. Supposedly referrals are coming out next week and the cutoff will be August 23-24, 2005. Remember our first LID? AUGUST 25, 2005. There is also a new one saying that all of us with messed up LID's will be taken in the order that our files were RECEIVED and not logged in. Hey, it's a long shot but at least it's positive. Either way I'd like to think that if we aren't included in this batch that they could include BOTH of our LID's in next month's group.

We are more than ready to be finished, done, completed, through etc. with THE AGENCY. I don't want to go into a long diatribe about this agency...there are many, MANY satisfied current and former clients... but after almost two years in the program this time, we've just seen, heard, and witnessed too many things that shouldn't be going on. First and foremost is the "cloak and dagger" attitude. Client "A" calls agency Contact "1", asks a question, gets a response. Client "B" calls agency Contact "2", asks the same question, gets a DIFFERENT response. Client "C" calls agency Contact "3", asks the same question, gets yet another response. Client "A" calls agency Contact "1" again to find out what's going on and is told yet a fourth different response. You get the idea...and it usually all happens within the same day. Other agencies post helpful hints on the wait etc. on their websites...they post any information they have about when referrals are coming/updates on the wait etc. We get the "It's a secret and don't tell anyone I told you..." treatment. No, wait, to be fair, that was what we got when we were waiting for Hope. This time it's all been, "Don't get your hopes up. Don't believe the rumors." And my personal favorite for which I may just go postal, "Once you have that baby in your arms all of this will be forgotten!" Ummm...right...you really do think I'm *that* stupid.

It looks like our Holy Grail I171-H is going to expire before we have our consulate appointment in Guangzhou. So here we go again! Dena, our social worker is updating our homestudy. Garry filled out another I600-A last night and wrote the check. We need certified copies of our birth certificates (again) and our marriage certificate (again). Total cost to re-do this stuff...around $700. Again, I am beyond insane. I'm not even nice anymore...if I ever was to begin with!

Our family recently came through a real test. Our lives were filled with anger, sadness, and fear. God brought us out of it with peace and light and hope. I know if I can just put this STUFF with the agency in proper perspective, He will certainly bring us through this as well. I also know that I want my baby.

Baby number one is an amazing creature. She started preschool last month with a flourish. I cried of course. Daddy had an upset stomach. Hopie ran off into her classroom without so much as a wave over her shoulder! LOL She can't wait to get there, she loves her teachers, she talks about all of the children every day...and this week the bottom has completely fallen out. On Tuesday she screamed bloody murder that she wasn't going and I barely got her there. Today was better but she tizzed out once we got there. I'll be darned if I know what's going on. I've talked to her teacher...and Garry and I have both talked to Hopie. We're at a loss right now to help our precious angel. The only thing Garry and I can think of is she went absolutely, completely insane last October too. Maybe it's cyclical for her! Let's just pray that Claire's month to go nuts is different from her sister's!

Oh! My weight! You remember I was hoping to lose 10 pounds before Hope started school. I didn't, but I was halfway there! I continue to work on it and am doing well. My clothes already look and FEEL a lot better. Still nothing drastic...I'm aiming to get to the low 130's and maintain. Garry is going great guns! He weighed himself this morning and has lost 11 pounds! Does my husband rock or what? ")

Claire's room looks like it is ready for her! (Just don't open the closet!) It gets cleaned just like the other rooms do now but I can't bear to go in there to organize clothes or toys yet...not until I know what her little face looks like.

And so that's where we are! Don't get me wrong, we have more positive up days than not...today is just a very down day. God will do what He does best and I just have to let Him do it!

Blessings y'all!

Nothing much new to report! Garry has one coat of paint on Claire's closet. He says one more coat should finish that project and then I can start organizing! I'm not sure just WHAT I'm going to organize but at least it will keep my mind occupied and perhaps fool myself into thinking I'm making progress! Hope has already volunteered to help Daddy put the crib together. It's early, but I feel good about it. The room no longer holds dread...only excitement.

Anyone wishing to look at a few pictures of the current group of new families in China can go here: http://qzhou.photosite.com/ These deliriously happy folks received their babies last Monday. God bless them and I am sooo jealous.

No new updates at CCAA...hopefully a new batch of referrals will be coming out soon.

Some information from Dr. Jane Liedtke, the CEO of Our Chinese Daughters Foundation who is raising her Chinese daughter in China...I have copied and pasted the following text from the Ask Jane in China Yahoo group as Dr. Liedtke says it better than I could:

"I don't believe domestic adoptions are on that big an increase to impact international placements/referrals. What I do believe is that the new move to put all institutions under CCAA for the purpose of coordinating adoptions is causing a shuffle of employees, training, restructuring to accommodate and how to handle within new offices, etc. This could cause temporary delays but not likely long-term. Also, all the press about adoptions from China always tends to cause things to slow down and I suspect the recent Hunan investigations are creating some of this as well - imagine you are sitting on an office of files from Hunan orphanages and other places under investigation. Those files are getting sent back to the orphanages. Then other children's files have to come forth from other orphanages to fill in the gaps on referrals that could not go out as anticipated. This will cause delays for sure but not permanent delays as eventually other orphanages would be sending more children forward if they have them. If fewer children are being abandoned in some regions then of course processing of referrals will be slower than in the past. Hunan is the largest province for international adoptions with something like 2,000+ kids per year so that number if bound to change in the short-term and have some impact on speed of referrals. I don't think people should panic about it. My suspicions are that "slow" may be a good thing for the system inside China in the short-term as they have a huge public perception problem to deal with domestically and internationally. No country doing international adoptions wishes to appear to be "babyselling"."

Also, according to Dr. Liedtke, these investigations into babyselling aren't new. Apparently there is a history of this in Anhui, the province Hope was born in as well. As I told Garry yesterday, "I don't care...they're not getting her back." Dr. Liedtke has also stated that the move to CCAA's new building still isn't complete. Apparently they are having a terrible time with their wiring etc.

C'MON REFERRALS!

UPDATE...NESTING

Claire's wallpaper is finished...and beautiful. Bridget was scheduled to come in and hang it the day after we received the first "happy" letter from EAC. I was such a mess I almost called her and cancelled. I was afraid it would be too painful. But, I did what I have been working VERY hard at lately...I did what I knew was right even though I didn't FEEL it. I'm so glad I did. The room is absolutely gorgeous. A big THANK YOU to Bridget and Cheyenne. You are the best! My apologies to everyone that was here for Hope's birthday party the very next day...I had every intention of showing off Claire's new room but my mind was elsewhere!

Garry went to Hartville and picked up the rest of Claire's furniture. He and Tom he-manned the changing table/dresser up the stairs a couple of weekends ago. I cleaned it up and hefted it into place. I dug around Garry's office upstairs...which has become our dumping ground...and found the lamp and lampshade we'd bought for her. A couple of days later I covered all of her switch and outlet covers to match her new wallpaper. Last weekend we bought her a little stuffed Dumbo which now sits next to her new lamp. Hope has helped me fill the bottom drawer of the changing table with crib sheets, blankets, etc. And as soon as the weather warms up Garry is going to paint the inside of her closet.

We are going to get through this! Only God knows the big picture...and I prefer it that way!

One final thought...in September of 2004 we signed up to participate in The Asia Threads Project. Run by an adoptive parent, she coordinates projects to various orphanage cities in China. Photographs are taken of the city, the surrounding countryside, the orphanage, and where your child was found. That was one of the only regrets that Garry and I had from our first trip to China. We were unable to see the location where Hope was found. We also were able to send a letter to the director and caretakers of Hope's orphanage as well as lots of pictures of her. Well, the project has been a no go for the longest time as not enough families had signed up...until two weeks ago when our project was sent to China. I simply cannot help but think that God has something wonderful planned with the timing of this.

I'll keep y'all posted!