ABC Wednesday---D Is For Dolls

ABC Wednesday is hosted by Mrs. Nesbitt's Place.

These lovely little ladies are my babies...no...I take that back...WERE my babies! As you may or may not know I spent a few years creating little projects like this and selling them at local art fairs. I've found that peace for my soul can most often be obtained when I am creating. So what's so special about them? They're just DOLLS! Oh...if I had only known the secrets that these "just Dolls" were hiding...

I started my business making pillows...and truth be told that's where my heart lies...I get so much joy out of creating those silly pillows! I've dabbled in many other things...jewelry...gift bags...personalized Christmas ornaments...holiday decorations...gingerbread swags...wall hangings...gift boxes...samplers...Dolls...and on and on and on. I can't remember when they started speaking to me...other than it was before they even existed! I DO remember sitting at my dining room table...in our cramped little condo...and thinking, "I need to come up with something in an upper price range." That was a valid thought. Every item I had made and sold thus far had been priced at less than $20. As I sat there lost in thought, my eyes settled on one of my Ragamuffins. Again, I don't know how many I had at that time, but they've also done their share of whispering to me over the years. Ragamuffins are a very special line of cloth dolls designed and created by my very special friend Carol from Rose Creek Cottage. At one point I lined all of them up on my stairs and took a "class picture" for her...but I digress.

Where was I...ah yes...my eyes fell upon one of my Ragamuffins and I immediately said, "I know! I'll make Dolls!" Oooooohhhhh...if you only knew how BRAVE that thought was. I grew up in a home where creativity wasn't exactly welcome. Anything other than the norm set by the household was more or less ignored. I had come to the conclusion looooong before that day that I was not creative and couldn't possibly learn to sew let alone make any money at it...and yet I did. So it was decided. I'm going to make Dolls! Because, hey! Carol makes Dolls! I'll make Dolls.

Taking a GIANT leap of faith I took one of Carol's Ragamuffins, and two other cloth Dolls that had been given to me for gifts, and stripped them. I didn't take any of them apart...although I thought about it! ") I studied the way they were constructed, decided on which features I liked from all three of them and made a pattern for the body. I don't know how many I made...maybe 35? 40? Once the bodies were finished I stripped those other Dolls again and started looking at how the clothes were made. Remember...no previous experience with anything like this save two years of Home Ec. in Junior High. It took me forever. The bloomers almost did me in! I couldn't figure those things out to save my life! LOL But eventually I got the hang of it and the girls found themselves clothed in yards of pretty calicos...and bloomers of course! The hair was fun...all manner of different colors and styles...some with hats...some without...a pretty lace collar here and there...and then the faces. I sweated over those forEVER. I was sure I couldn't draw...practiced on paper for months...but if you've ever drawn on fabric you know it certainly is different from drawing on paper. I finally bit the bullet and started drawing. I don't know about you, but I was pleased. ;) You can't imagine the sense of accomplishment I felt. I had done something that I never considered possible for myself...and had somehow managed to satisfy my insanely ridiculous standards of perfection. Lesson learned? I CAN do anything I set my mind to.

Those Dolls have made many a trip in their blue, 18 gallon Rubbermaid tub. I've sold some...nothing major...some have been given as gifts. But I could never force myself to make any more of them. As gratifying as the journey was making them? I found I just didn't enjoy it. Lesson learned? Just because your friend is successful at something, doesn't mean you'll be...DO WHAT YOU LOVE!

And so, recently, I pulled those Dolls out of storage, gave them each their own personal, private photo shoot, and put them up for sale on etsy. Around the same time I was doing this, I had the distinct pleasure of introducing Carol to my daughters. Hope, who doesn't even LIKE Dolls, thought it was the most awesomely cool thing that Mama's friend "Cawol" made Dolls...and Claire? Claire is her Mama's daughter...she loves Dolls. I pulled two of my smaller Ragamuffins from their shelves and put one in each of the girls' rooms. As I was doing that...I'll be darned if those two bright eyed little cuties didn't whisper to me, "Hey...I bet Hope and Claire would like a Doll that YOU created too." So, I chose 6 or so for Hope to pick from and asked her if she would like a doll that her Mama had made. "YEAH!!!!" I laid them on her bed and she immediately pointed at the dark haired beauty in the red and cream toile. "I want THAT one Mama! She looks just like the pillow in your chair!" She's right. The fabric for her dress was left over from the pillows I made for our wing chairs. For Claire, I narrowed the choices a bit and placed two of them in front of her. She snatched the blue eyed girl with the panda at her neck. "MAMA!!!!" was all she said. Lesson learned? Those Dolls were made for a reason. Because some day...almost 10 years in the future...two precious little girls would chose one for themselves...that reminded them...of their Mama.

By the way...Claire refused to pose with her doll for a picture today. Hey...she is a diva...she has that right!

There are a few more of those dandy little Dolls waiting for their photo shoot after which they will be making their etsy debut as well. You can visit them...along with some of my other handiwork, by clicking the link to my etsy shop at the top right!

Be blessed y'all...and always be open all the wonderful lessons that are placed in front of you!

P.S. I'll bet there's a couple of you that thought I was going to blog about something else for *D*...didn't you? Nope...guess again...maybe when we get to...oh...say...*V*? ; )

Ages ago...before Claire came home...I stumbled upon some bloggers who used every Thursday to post about something they were thankful for. I thought, "What a great idea!" And then promptly went off and did something else. Since I do tend to get distracted by all things shiny, I've decided to dedicate my Thursdays in November as Thankful Thursdays.

I would like to spend my first Thankful Thursday thanking all those who helped to bring my two beloved daughters into my life. I know I'm going to miss somebody...if I do you have my permission to smack me the next time you see me.

First up is God...because He is the one who coordinated this giant insert your own expletive here that involved two governments, more government agencies than you could shake a stick at, an adoption agency, numerous law enforcement personnel, and enough other humans to make your head spin.

Thank you to the Wadsworth Police Department and everyone that ran background checks, fingerprinted, and of course for me, fingerprinted again, wrote letters, and were just plain helpful and decent no matter how many times we had to ask them to do it again. You rock.

Thanks also to our fire department who had to come out and inspect our home to make sure it was safe for two baby girls to live in. Again, the same sweet man came both times and was NOTHING but gracious, polite, and friendly.

To all those who prayed us through that part of our journey...too many to mention...and I'm sure some I don't even know about. Somehow saying Thank You doesn't seem enough.

To my Jennifer...who I've thanked before...and she usually just tells me to shut up...but I'm going to do it again. I would NOT have my girls if it wasn't for her. I grew up in a home where being different was "bad". If you didn't share the same beliefs, ideologies, and skin color, you didn't exist, were looked upon as nuts, or otherwise made fun of or mocked. Thank you precious girl for opening my eyes and showing me that none of that matters when you truly love someone...and I love you!

To all those who wrote letters of reference for us...in no certain order other than how I am remembering them at the moment! Larry and Jackie, Bonnie and Brad, Holly and Dave, Carol and Donald, Kevin, Lily, Patricia, Carol and Tom, Jean, and Helen.

A SPECIAL thanks to Bonnie, Helen, and Holly for NEVER asking where we were in the process. Instead they always said that they knew if something new had happened I'd let them know. They were right.

Dena...our angel of a social worker...thank you for taking what Garry and I both thought would be a nerve-racking situation and making it downright pleasant. You are a treasure and I'm so glad that TPTB assigned YOU to our family.

To dear Fred and Doris for notarizing every single piece of important paperwork we needed to bring those girls home...for free. And to Fred for making sure Claire made it home safely...from his patio...in Heaven.

Judge John J. Lohn and everyone at our county courthouse. Wow...you know even after satisfying two governments we had to readopt both of our girls for the state of Ohio? Both Garry and I have been raised to believe that if you have to go to court, you have done something bad...and that's how we felt going into the whole situation. Yet Judge Lohn immediately put us at ease and made BOTH times stress-free. Shoot, he was giving the girls M&M's the last time!

To Carol and Helen for taking care of both Hope and ME while Garry was in China and for always being there in an emergency when we need someone to watch both girls.

To Tom for keeping the driveway clear of several feet of ice and snow...during both trips.

To the incredible people we encountered in China who were so very happy that our girls were going to have a good home. Some of these amazing folks couldn't speak a single word of English but they let us know nonetheless that they approved!

And finally, to my girls' birth mothers. I think of them both so often...how they must wonder where the girls are...if they were adopted...if they are loved...if they are still alive... These women did what they have been taught to do for centuries. It seems wrong and horrible in our eyes...but what they were doing was giving those two precious souls a chance at something better. I've said it before...you can't tell me that their hearts weren't shattering into a million pieces as they walked away from those two perfect, wiggling little angels. You just can't. Both of my girls were placed in busy, populated areas on busy streets. Their birth mothers WANTED them to be found and taken care of. Thank you with my entire being...the gifts you have given me can never be repaid.

Until next Thursday!

Wow! Catch me! I'm a Kreativ Blogger! As if this little item from Carol at RoseCreekCottage didn't surprise me enough, I was also mentioned in David's authorblog as a contender for his Post Of The Day award. The post that was nominated, by the way was the one dated September 1, 2008 detailing Hope's first two days of school. Belated and much appreciated thanks to both Carol and David...I'm still amazed anyone takes the time to read my disjointed ramblings.

Along with Carol's award comes great responsiblity! ; ) I am to list six things that make me happy and then bestow the award upon six other bloggers. So...here goes...

Six Things That Make Me Happy

(...in no particular order!)

1. My husband, my girls, and my four legged furry boys

2. Stitching...scrapping...sewing...creating!

3. Whippin' Andrew and Carrie at Wordscraper...ok...just playing Wordscraper with Andrew and Carrie. ")

4. Looking at referral pictures

5. Losing myself in a Tami Hoag novel

6. A Dairy Queen Xtreme Chocolate Lover's Blizzard...mmmmm...

Six Kreativ Bloggers Who Deserve A Shout Out!

1. She Knits Me, She Knits Me Not---Carrie the Kreativ! The girl has a thing for yarn.

2. Pea Picker's Primitives---This is one of my frequent escapes.

3. The Adventures of Miss Tippy Tail and Kitty Boo Boo---Vicki deserves much more than this award...she was living in her motor home with not one, but TWO two year olds during a house remodel. This gal needs a medal!

4. Do They Have Salsa In China---I've been checking on these two cuties since I first saw their referral pictures.

5. Seeking Sanity---I just discovered this one this week. I'm hooked.

6. Fat, frumpy & fifty...Yet another great read!

Drop by and give 'em a read!

Today is a good day. Today I saw someone I haven't seen in well...since before Hope came home. This woman is so very important to me...so very important to who I am today...and I don't think I've ever properly thanked her for it.

I met Carol...too many years ago to count...at The Yankee Peddler Festival. I fell in love with her line of cloth dolls called Ragamuffins and purchased at LEAST one a year for...again...too many years to count. Over the years, running into her at YPF or various other art shows I also fell in love with her. I learned that she had been a teacher and for various reasons had left that part of her life behind and started her own business, designing and creating her Ragamuffins, bears, rabbits, and jewelry. Does that sound familiar to any of you who know me in "the real world"? SHE is the reason I sat down one afternoon and sketched out my first pillow design. I was petrified as I played with the fabric for the first time...and was sure that it was going to turn out as some horribly misshapen "thing"...as I'd never done anything like this before. But it didn't...I loved it...and I kept making those pillows...literally hundreds of them...many as gifts...and still many more sold to first time and repeat customers. Did I mention that she owns one of my very first? SHE is the reason I nervously paid my fee for my first tiny craft show and eventually worked my way up to larger multi-day shows. SHE is the reason I expanded my line to include not only pillows, but samplers, ornaments, pins, gift bags, and yes...dolls. She has gone farther in this endeavor than I ever hope to. Her talent...her faith...her love of family are all something I admire and aspire to. It is by the support of my husband, the grace of God, and HER mentoring, that I am who I am today...and today...is a good day.

I haven't created anything save for a small standing order for a dozen or so Christmas ornaments every year since Hope came home. I gave up doing shows because in all honesty, I just couldn't leave her...I couldn't imagine leaving early Thursday or Friday morning to set up and then not seeing her again until late Sunday night. The same is true with Claire...I can't do it...and I won't do it. But once again...my mentor is leading me in another direction...and probably doesn't even realize it. She has started blogging. On her blog she shows her latest creations, discusses her life, her grandchildren, her upcoming shows...and advertises for her Etsy shop. I've got a lot of ready inventory left over and Etsy looks like a good way to ease back into the business until the girls are old enough for me to get back into the shows. I check that blog every single day to see what she's up to...and it has reignited that spark...the NEED to create...my head is overflowing with ideas!

Using that spark...and a pretty good nudge from The Holy Spirit, I set off to JoAnn's to look for fabric...not just ANY fabric...but fabric with either cardinals or clouds or milkshakes. As you can see by the picture, I found some. (The picture is much clearer if you click on it and view the larger image.) I've spent this last week taking the tiniest of baby steps. Again, just cutting the fabric for the first time in close to six years brought back many fears of "this is not going to turn out right". And, again, once I got started it was like going back to a place of complete and utter peace. I finished the pillow last night and delivered it to Carol today. It is a one of a kind original...just like her. Check out her blog and you will find the very special meaning behind the saying.

I love you Carol...and I thank you from the very bottom of my heart. xoxoxoxoxoxo

::sigh:: I need a tissue...

Hi y'all,

I promise to write more tomorrow and post some pictures that Garry sent us. Today was kind of worthless...I was sick last night and slept most of today.

Extra special thanks to Carol and Helen for taking care of Mama and Hopie...and Humphrey, while Daddy is away.

In the meantime, check out Kristian's blog at http://www.jksweber.blogspot.com/ See if you recognize anyone! ")

Put your faith in what you most believe in
Two worlds, one family
Trust your heart
Let fate decide
To guide these lives we see...*

Details...on Thursday February 16th we, and every other set of parents waiting for their referrals from our agency's China program, no matter how far along they were in the process, received a "happy little letter". I won't bore you with the details but some of the questions were things like, "Why do you want to travel to China?" "Why did you choose China?" Also outlined in this happy little letter were the agency's new policies for traveling to China.

The travel groups have become too large with too many extra family members/friends traveling. This was not mentioned in the letter. Zhou is overburdened in China trying to keep track of groups with over 40 members. This was not mentioned in the letter. There has been an influx of parents taking their other children to China and not using wise parenting strategies...this is as nicely as I can put it. This was not mentioned in the letter.

What was mentioned in the letter was that if you want to take a child under the age of 10 with you, another adult (other than the parents) must travel with you to take care of that child. This is going to keep the size of the groups down...how? For each additional person that travels, including your child, you must pay $75 per day per person which adds up to roughly $1500 per person due BEFORE leaving for China. By the way, no one at at the agency seems to be able to explain where this extra money is going or what it will be used for. Oh, this happy little letter was just so perky! Little exclamation points everywhere and kind genteel phrases about how this was ultimately to "keep the focus on the girls". Well folks, just because you put cute little exclamation points everywhere and ask seemingly innocuous and absurd questions, makes it no less cruel. And believe me, that's exactly what it is. The whole thing reeks of cruelty and betrayal. Our family and many others are in the same position. They have no one to leave their children with when they travel to China and/or no other "required extra person" to travel with them. Are we angry? You had better believe it. Are we hurt. Absolutely. Truthfully, the only thing I can think of that would've been any crueler would have been for them to stop us at the airport before boarding our plane to China and handing us the happy little letter. There were rumors in the wind of this several months ago. We were told, and I quote, "Your little group of three is safe and always has been." So much for assurances. I wrote the agency's director a letter...no complaining, no anger, just common sense and reason. The letter was sent signature required so we know that she has received it. We have received no reply. Another member of our travel group called and asked that said director return her call. That was two weeks ago and the call has not been returned. If this is the way that at least two of us are being treated, you can bet it doesn't stop there either. Others have contacted lawyers...I just pray that it doesn't affect anyone's referral.

Raise your head up
Lift high the load
Take strength from those that need you...*

Some of the best advice I received out of all of this came from my surgeon. She looked at me and said, "Get enough rest...eat...take a walk every day...don't let this stress you out. You're going to have a new baby to take care of." Amen. By Wednesday of this week I'd had enough. Every time I'd walk by that stupid letter staring at me on the kitchen counter it would make my stomach churn. That agency does not control my life now or ever. I signed the stupid thing and told Garry to do the same. The goal now is to get Claire home any way we can and as soon as we can so we can put THE AGENCY as far behind us as possible. My one act of true defiance? I refused to answer any of their inane questions. I signed the thing saying I understood and agreed to their ridiculous terms. If that's not enough I'll just open a vein for them. Once the letter went out in the mail an incredible strength, determination, and feeling of peace enveloped me. Thank you God.

No words describe a mother's tears
No words can heal a broken heart
A dream is gone, but where there's hope

Somewhere something is calling for you
Two worlds, one family
Trust your heart
Let fate decide
To guide these lives we see...

The last couple of weeks have not been fun to say the least. As I stated in my earlier post sleep was the impossible dream and to say that I thought about this whole mess 24 hours a day is not an exaggeration. I'm down to about 8 hours a day now! ; ) It took a toll on my weight too. I know...I know...give me a break! I'm down about 10 pounds but it's coming back slowly. I just watched the video from Hope's birthday party and I look remarkably normal! I'm amazed because that was only two days after the happy little letter arrived! Another...thank you God!

Three different people have offered to watch Hope while we go to China and one even offered to travel to China with us so Hope could go. (Thank you Helen...you are the best.) I'd like to say that we will be taking one of these people up on their offers but as it looks right now, we won't. What this mess has forced us to do, and pardon my language but it's the only phrase I can think of that fits, is sac up and be the parents that we claim to be. It's time to focus on what's best for BOTH girls and not just some romantic notion of what we think it's supposed to be like. Hope is three and yes, she was born in China but she has been raised in America. The girl won't put anything Chinese in her mouth...the only rice the kid eats is the spicy kind from the Mexican restaurants! The flight, trip, and emotions were grueling and confusing for the two of us...how much more so will that be for my precious baby girl? We were both so worn out when we arrived home with Hope. I literally couldn't get off of the bed that first night to help Garry take care of her...and Garry had had NO sleep whatsoever during our almost 24 hours in the air. Who is going to take care of TWO babies after the long trip? The answer is...me. I will stay home with Hope while Garry travels to China to get Claire. Problems solved. As soon as we discussed it sleep returned and I was able to eat again. I would say that's a resounding endorsement from God by allowing my peace to return.

Am I going to miss the great shopping in Guangzhou? Absolutely. Am I going to miss taking 100's and 100's of pictures with my new camera that we bought specifically for this trip? Absolutely. Am I going to miss waiting for the baby van to arrive? Absolutely. Am I going to miss seeing my baby for the first time in her home country? Absolutely. Is my heart breaking that I'm going to have to wait another 10 days to 2 weeks before I can hold her? Absolutely. Do I feel as if I've been asked to miss the birth of my own child? Can I even think about it without crying? I think you already know the answer. But let's face it. God knows what He is doing. It's time to give Him something I *want* and see what miracles He has in store for me. And as hard as that first trip was, I was looking forward to going back. He hasn't asked me to give Claire up, only to be patient for a little longer. Oh, I still waffle a bit and I pay for it. This week I was thinking, "Well, maybe we will leave Hope at home while Garry and I go." In a voice as clear as a bell I heard Him say, "Look Melissa...do you want what I have for you or not?" I do. I truly do. Am I happy about it. Not yet, but I'm working on accepting it.

Every moment now the bond
grows stronger
Two worlds, one family
Trust your heart
Let fate decide
To guide these lives we see...*

So once again we are looking towards receiving our referral with joy. CCAA has continued to get slower and slower. They have finished matching babies to parents with LID's up to May 25th. Did I mention they will be moving to a new building? More delays. The agency told us that our LID may have been corrected but they don't know for sure. So, depending on which of our LID's they use...August 25th or September 5th...we don't expect to hear any good news until late May or early June. But you know what? Everything is all going to work out for the best! God has a plan for us in all of this. All we have to do is have faith and let Him work.

Blessings to y'all!

*All italicized lyrics from the song "Two Worlds" written by Phil Collins
This song can be found at the bottom of the page...give it a listen.

Thank you Carol for buying me this CD for Christmas! I can't tell you just how much this song has meant to me the last couple of weeks!