Thursday, August 18, 2005

After reading that last post can you physically *feel* our frustration? ")

I have an incident to share with you that happened during Hope's adoption process. We weren't very far along in the paperwork when Chris called me one afternoon. She said, "How committed are you to adopting from China?" I told her, "Very!" She said, "Do you have any specific reasons?" I said, "How long do you have?" ") The reason she was calling was to offer Garry and I a set of twins from Kazakhstan...a boy and a girl who were, I believe, 8 months old at that time. She explained that since we hadn't gotten that far in our paperwork we could easily change programs. I was in shock. I told her that either Garry or I would get back to her later that day. I called him at work, told him what she said, and I swear to you I could literally hear his jaw dropping. He kept saying, "I don't know...what do you you want to talk about it when I get home?" I told him that I didn't think that these twins were the babies for us and that he needed to call Chris so she could find parents for these children. I felt HORRIBLY guilty and have wondered so often if God had put Chris on the phone that day for a reason. Honestly, I'm tearing up right now just reliving it. Obviously we made the right decision as Hope couldn't be more *our* daughter had we created her ourselves...but every now and again I do wonder what happened to those babies.

Why did I feel the need to share that with you? Read on...

Last Wednesday the phone rang. It was a casual acquaintance of ours who works with one of our friends. We've spoken to this woman, usually simple pleasantries, perhaps a half a dozen times in the last ten years or so. She was calling to tell me that a relative of hers has a five month old baby that she can no longer take care of and basically wanted to know if we were interested. You want to talk going into shock?! Most of my brain shut down completely but I did hear myself telling her very politely, "Thank you so much for thinking of us but our papers are already in China and there will be a baby for us there." The whole thing was very flattering yet equally as unsettling. Garry was absolutely speechless when I told him about it. He and I are NOT comfortable with open adoption and that was one of our major reasons for going with China. I'm sorry but neither one of us is prepared to love, nurture, and raise a child only to have any member of the birth family show up six months to six years later and demand the child back. Our reasons for adopting this second time are very simple. We have enough room in our hearts and in our home for another child and we want Hope to have a sister who shares her same cultural background and heritage. We both feel VERY comfortable with our decision this time!

To continue this thread, I received an email this week from a friend from the past. We were close in Junior High until her family moved out of state. I haven't seen her since maybe 9th grade? She found me on the Internet several years ago and we've been keeping in touch. She opened her heart to me this week and told me an amazingly beautiful story. She had become pregnant at a very young age and after much prayer she put the baby girl up for adoption. That baby girl is now in her 20's and has reached out to her birth mother and father. They are in close contact, have shared a wonderful vacation, and are planning more get togethers. I couldn't be happier for all of them! She made a statement something like, "How awesome it is that your journey is beginning just as mine has come full circle." I'm positive God led her to tell me this...I know in the years to come Hope and Claire are going to have questions as to the feelings of their birth mothers. Now there is someone in our lives that we can ask who has gone through it herself.


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