ABC Wednesday---C Is For Change

ABC Wednesday is hosted by Mrs. Nesbitt's Place.

The lyrics in italics quoted within this post are from "The Change" written by Tony Arata and Wayne Tester. It is an incredible song that can be found at the bottom of this post.

The first time Hope held her baby sister...right after Hope and Mama brought Daddy and Claire home from the airport.

One hand

Reaches out

And pulls a lost soul from harm

While a thousand more go unspoken for

They say what good have you done

By saving just this one

It's like whispering a prayer

In the fury of a storm

Never...ever...have we considered what we have done...adopting these precious souls...as saving them. If anything, their little hands have reached out and saved us. It all began as simply following what God was leading us to do...with giant neon signs.

Claire and Gussie taking a nap on our bed...three days after she came home from China.

And I hear them saying you'll never change things

And no matter what you do it's still the same thing

But it's not the world that I am changing

I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

Those hands...reaching out to save us? Sometimes they are fur covered. You just have to listen with your heart.

Wally

This heart

Still believes
That love and mercy still exist
While all the hatreds rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless in madness such as this
It's like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss

Two happy sisters...

And I hear them saying you'll never change things

And no matter what you do it's still the same thing

But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know

That it will not change me

I have never set out to change the world. Yet change has occurred...GOOD change...and will continue to occur as long as I allow myself to be open to it. I can't say that God ever wanted me to be a teacher...ever. Yet that is the path I chose for myself. It wasn't an easy path...it was full of heartache, disappointment, trials, and self doubt. It was nothing short of a miracle the first time I had a "neon sign" from God...and it was loud and clear...GET OUT OF TEACHING. So I did. I have thought back so many times about the kids that touched my life...I pray I didn't ruin them for all eternity! ") Yet He has shown me that He will use me...even if I'm NOT where He wants me to be...just by allowing me to be Mel...or in this case "Mrs. H." I've talked about Lisa before...and there is Becky who invited me to her graduation party...and too many to mention that I run into at the grocery store or at the mall...they all know me...they all speak first...they're all smiling. Yet there were two very special students that I always wondered about...

Ready for Christmas!

As long as one heart still holds on

Then hope is never really gone

The boys...Gus and Wally

I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world we know
Never changes me

One was Denver. He wasn't an easy kid to love, but love him I did...fiercely. I fought for that boy...a lot...and sadly the system won. I ran into him a couple of years ago...he was in his early 20's...but still looked the same. I think it's that teacher gene...we're able to see the child...even when they are all grown up. When I called his name, he turned, looked at me, and said, "MRS. H!" Just the simple fact that he remembered me was enough to prove to me that everything I went through was worth it. He sat with me for awhile and we talked. He caught me up on the direction his life had taken. And then, out of the blue he said, "I still have that card you sent me...you know...that birthday card? I think it was in fifth grade?" A couple of years after I had quit my job I was going through some papers and found a list of birthdays of former students...his was on it...and I sent him a card. Change...

The second student...and this isn't a secret...was my favorite of all time. This little wisp of a girl grabbed onto my heart with a death grip and I loved her like she was my own. I remember braiding her hair for her when she'd get to school...and hugging her even after our staff had been cautioned not to hug students without another staff member present to avoid lawsuits. I remember her coming to me the year AFTER she was my student crying...she'd lost her milk money...yeah...I gave her some...and a hug...and a kiss. There aren't enough words to tell you how much I loved my Michelle. We kept in touch until she graduated high school and then drifted apart. I'd see her name in the paper for being on the Dean's list at college...things like that. Well y'all...let me tell you...He works through Facebook too...because a couple of weeks ago, guess who contacted me there? My Michelle. And what she told me, in a few simple sentences...wiped away every bit of crap I ever went through during my tenure as a teacher. My Michelle...is now...a teacher...because of me. My Michelle told me enough wonderful things to make my heart sing for the next 50 years...but the one that shot straight through my soul was when she told me that she used to pray every night that I would be her and her twin sister's mom. I need a Kleenex. She's still breathtaking...inside and out...bright...I'm guessing she still has that infectious giggle of hers that I can still hear in my mind...and she's still all about FAMILY. And THAT is the change that she put forth in me. Michelle...did you ever guess you would've paved the way for me to have the family that I do today? I love you my girl.

Hope...

What I do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me

So! It's that time again!

I want to thank the Man Upstairs again...for letting me hang around for another year to watch my girls grow and change...nag the man I love...and be a pest to those who love me both near and far...year 46...check.

I'm extremely thankful and utterly grateful that I am still in touch with several of my former students...and they don't seem to feel I've ruined their lives! ; ) My Lil' Lis' came to visit me a few months ago...what a gorgeous, intelligent, confident young woman she is. I'm so very proud of her...can you tell? She has bestowed my latest nickname upon me...Mama Bear.

I feel the need to thank Terri yet again...although I've thanked her numerous times...both publicly and privately...but she needs to hear it again. This person...this friend...this Twinkie...who has been a part of my life literally since I was Hope's age was THE only person who believed me. Yes, she believed *in* me and still does. But she was the only human being, albeit a child herself, who believed a scared and bewildered Mel when a lot of other trusted adults should have. She's one strong broad...and she's got one tough Mama of her own...and I love them both.

Yet another blessing in my life is my friend Linda. This woman was the first person to sign my guestbook at Prayer, Praise & Peace many years ago. I wrote her back...and it just grew from there. She has helped me through more crud than I ever want to go through again. It was Linda who led me to my own personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I didn't know such a thing was possible...but she showed me it was...and I am so thankful!

And then there are my cubs. How can I ever begin to tell y'all just how special these two people are to me...and just how quickly they became that special? I don't trust people...I've said it before and I'll say it again...I just don't trust people. Well, ok...every ten years or so I attach to one new online friend. But it hasn't been ten years since the last attachment...and there are two cubs. I call them my cubs because I have come to feel extremely maternal towards both of them. I suppose that technically I *am* old enough to be Carrie's Mama...but not Andrew's...but I could've been his teacher!

I met Carrie playing Scrabulous...a very thinly disguised version of Scrabble...on Facebook. After a few months of playing daily she said she had been playing against someone who now wanted to play against me. Enter the boy cub, Andrew. I think the three of us have played in one combination or another, every single day since then.

For lack of a better explanation...there are so many parts that make up who "Mel" is...and even those closest to me don't "get" all of those parts. It's self preservation...if you share too much of yourself, if you give someone else too much power over you, you're going to get hurt. I once told Carrie that I intended to use blogging as a way to "put myself together again" or merge all of those parts into one. She said, "I already love every part of you that you've shared with me. Why wouldn't I love the rest?" I cried then...I'm crying now. She has shown me that it is absolutely ok to FEEL. I've spent years shoving my feelings down...or trying to ignore them. That works really well until they explode. She taught me to just go ahead and feel...even if it hurts...even if it's bad...because if you don't? Well, you're going to have a mess to clean up afterwards...or you're going to be so busy NOT feeling you're going to miss the GOOD feelings too.

And Andrew? What has he taught the old Mama Bear? Well, I mean besides the fact that he can make up totally ridiculous words that nobody has ever heard of and get hundreds of points for them? In his own words, "I'm a happy bunny." And he is. He goes through drama just like the rest of us but he deals with it and then lets it go. No matter WHAT kind of a day it has been he's always Andrew...he's always himself. I so admire him for that...among many other things.

So as Mama Bear continues to grow and change and become "Mel 46.0", she is so thankful for her cubs and their "Feel It...Deal With It...Forget It" strategy. They both accept me for who I am...whoever that might be at any given moment...they trust me...and I trust them. Yeah...I said that...I TRUST them. That's really scary...because darn near every single piece of Mel, loves these two people.

Thanks as always for reading! ")