Fingerprint Friday---Love Lives On

Fingerprint Friday is hosted by Beki.

There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that says:

I can see the fingerprints of God

When I look at you

I can see the fingerprints of God

And I know it's true

You're a masterpiece

That all creation quietly applauds

And you're covered with the fingerprints of God

I invite you to read the companion post to this entry.

It can be found here.

I can't say that I planned to do these two posts at the beginning of this week. In fact, I had something completely different in mind. Yet I have continued to get more than gentle nudgings...and have been almost driven to finish them.

So, there he is...there's Humphrey again! He's sleeping in my chair...that was one of his favorite spots. You might notice the bald spot on his front leg...that's where they had shaved him to give him an IV. Oddly enough, this was long before he presented with lymphoma. This was "simply" an bad upper respiratory infection that had left him pretty dehydrated.

A month or so after Humphrey passed, I wrote a letter to all of his doctors, thanking them for everything they had done. I quoted a portion of that letter in my last post and I would like to quote another portion to begin this one! The first few sentences will be a repeat...

"Do I want another one like him? Absolutely not. Would I take him back? In an instant. And frankly, it truly wouldn’t surprise me if he DID show up again. I mean, God has a lot of patience…but please…this is HUMPHREY!"

In the previous post I also spoke of being so very angry with God. I had believed right up until we said goodbye to him that God was going to grant us a miracle and heal him yet again. It was just this morning that I realized God did grant me a miracle...one so wonderful...like a glimpse into Heaven itself. Lesson learned? Yes love lives on...but perhaps more importantly? Don't pigeon hole God! He's GOD! He can do ANYTHING! Miracles can be simple or they can be extraordinary. Don't think that just because you didn't get the miracle YOU expected that He doesn't have something even more miraculous planned for you. And so, I will try to lay out these miracles for you...from the simple...to the extraordinary!

The day after he passed...this is where we found our other furry boy, Gus. He was sleeping in "Humphrey's chair"...and no...he had never even attempted to sleep there previously. We thought it was so sweet and so sad at the same time. I don't know if you can tell from the picture but the doll Gussie is leaning against? She's covered in Humphrey's fur.

Gus also picked up another "habit" of Humphrey's. Gus joined our family as an adult cat. He had been abandoned at a horse barn and was taken in by a feline rescue group. When we brought him home it was like letting a "Cave Cat" loose in modern society. We had to teach him everything...and what we didn't...Humphrey did. Humphrey used to do something to both Garry and I that we called "polishing." He would stand on his back legs and rub his paws back and forth, up and down, on the backs of OUR legs. In my case, he frequently polished my back pockets! I can't tell you how many times he would come up behind me while I was working at the computer and polish my back pockets through the slats in my desk chair. About a month before Humphrey left us, Gus started doing the same thing...and continues to do it...just a little lower...he is shorter you know. Love lives on.

Love lives on every spring as I watch and wait for my Bleeding Hearts to come up. My pink Bleeding Heart plant came from a start of my grandmother's plant. Grandma passed when I was 12 so I think you can see how important that plant is to me. I also have a pure white one. Garth and Humphrey's ashes are buried beneath two pink plants, and Horatio's are beneath the pure white one. I cry every year when those tender shoots peek out of the cold, hard ground...they make my heart smile.

A few months after Humphrey crossed The Rainbow Bridge, another furry boy joined our family. His name is Wally. To read his beginnings please visit here.

Yes...that's Wally. And that's a pretty typical pose for him. He is the silliest cat I've ever known. I think he's upside down more than not! He hadn't been with us very long before we started noticing some similarities to Humphrey. Sure, he liked to get into trouble...but nothing like Humphrey did. We just attributed these similarities to his age and getting used to a new home and new family. Yeah...right.

I invite you to look at these two pictures...

Yeah, ok...I'll give you that one...most cats like to get up on the kitchen table.

How about these?

Nope? Ok...cats like kitchen counters too...but the same one...in the same spot?

How about a shared fascination with Hope...at the table? And no, she didn't feed either one of them.

In fact, neither one would/will have anything to do with her unless she is at the table or if she is asleep.

Both of them loved/love to grab a nap on my collection of Ragamuffins.

No? Still not buying it? Ok...let's move on into the extraordinary then.

Humphrey, as most cats do, had many different vocalizations. One was his deep, guttural, yowl. When we lived at our old place he would stare at one spot on the wall in the dining room and just let loose with THE most horrendous yowling. When we moved here, he'd do it in the basement. I can still see our friends Carol and Tom's faces the first time they heard him do it. He sounded like he was caught in a leg hold trap.

Shortly after Wally came to live with us I was sitting at the computer and I heard it...the horrendous, deep, guttural yowl. Convinced that Humphrey truly had returned I jumped up so fast I overturned my chair. I raced through the house searching for him when I got to the foyer...and saw Wally...staring at one spot on the wall...and making that vocalization.

On several other occasions he has come up behind me in my computer chair and polished my pockets through the slats. And no, Gus didn't teach him that...Gus isn't tall enough to do that...nor has he ever tried. That was a Humphrey behavior. Love lives on.

Every single Christmas, as soon as I would put down our tree skirt? Humphrey was under it. He was an absolute menace. It was always in a ball or sometimes dragged off to the side of the tree.

Our first Christmas with Wally? Take a look...

He dove under there as soon as I put it down...yet stayed only long enough for me to take a couple of pictures...and he's never bothered it since.

Humphrey loved to hang out in the bathroom with me. His favorite thing was to make a pass or two by the shower while I was in there and give me another one of his little vocalizations. Guess who else does the same thing?

When we moved into this house, for whatever reason, on every major holiday, Humphrey decided he must kill his brother. No matter WHAT brother was living here at the time! He would get very aggressive, chase them through the house, and try to deliver a "kill bite" to the backs of their necks. I remind you, Wally did not come to live here until after Humphrey passed...and yet...on every major holiday...yep...my hand to my heart...poor Gus needs to run for cover.

On more than one occasion, Wally has gotten up on something he's not supposed to. Most times he listens when you say, "Wally! Down!" Sometimes he doesn't. On the first such occasion I decided to try an experiment. I said, "Humphrey! Down!" He got down.

And finally...this one...this one is truly my glimpse into Heaven. Again, in my previous post I spoke of how Humphrey would appear out of nowhere when he would hear me getting my allergy pill before bed. He would then present his tail, I would take it, and he would walk me up the stairs to bed each and every night. Well my friends...Wally comes when he hears my allergy pills...and once...just one perfect, precious, miraculous time...he offered me his tail...I took it...and he led me up the stairs to bed. I was sobbing buckets by the time I got there.

Do we think Wally *is* Humphrey? No, not at all. We do say that his black part is Humphrey...but the white part is ALL Wally! We think...and we believe that Wally was chosen for us before Humphrey left us...so that we could have irrefutable proof...that love lives on.

Be blessed...and thanks for reading!

Fingerprints Of God can be found on my playlist at the bottom of this page.

ABC Wednesday---H Is For Humphrey

ABC Wednesday is hosted by Mrs. Nesbitt's Place.

To read the life story of this precious boy

please go here...and here.

My dear readers...this is my precious gift from God, Humphrey. NEVER have I had such a wondrous gift placed into my care...never. If you thought my girls' stories were littered with Big Old Neon Signs From Above? Read Humphrey's story. I can still remember when he was a kitten and we thought he wasn't going to make it to his first birthday. I would hold his tiny, frail little body, kiss the entire length of his spine, and say, "Who's Mommy's precious gift from God?"

I chose the above picture...even though it has already been displayed on my blog...for two reasons. 1) It makes me smile! 2) It absolutely displays that rotten boy's personality! Humphrey was ALWAYS into something! ALWAYS! And just LOOK at him!!! He knows he's not supposed to be on my kitchen counter. He's completely unrepentant and he simply doesn't CARE! ") But it also shows what a beautiful healthy, strong boy he grew into. It shows the blessing we had for almost ten years. It shows my boy.

My boy left us almost two years ago. I still miss him on a daily basis...to the point of tears. And I am STILL amazed out of the six furry felines that Garry and I have welcomed into our home since 1985, that I would miss the troublemaker the most. And troublemaker he was...his nicknames included "Black Cat", "Anus Boy", and "El Diablo" just to name a few. Below is a portion of a blog entry from June of 2007:

~*~

Humphrey? Well, if you noticed the last post and the giant gap of time between posts I guess you've figured out that we lost our precious Humphrey. On the 17th I received news that *my* liver was just fine. On the 18th we received news that not only had the lymphoma spread to Humphrey's liver but he also had the start of fatty liver disease. There are NO words to tell you how badly this whole situation SUCKED. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone but even his oncologist used the same terminology. So, on the day after what we had always considered his birthday, we said good-bye to our boy. I can still hear Hopie screaming, "But Mama! I want to keep him!" Me too princess...me too.

All in all he was NOT a good cat! LOL He wasn't known for his good behavior. But as I told all of his doctors..."That boy was such an anus…yes…I said anus. We used that word to describe him every single day. 'Humphrey stop being an anus!' 'You’re such an anus!” 'Stop anusing about!' You get the idea. That boy had not one single solitary shred of impulse control. If he wanted to do something he did it…repeatedly…for years. Yet the cat who destroyed more breakables than all of my other cats together, was the same cat who sat next to his brother Horatio until Horatio’s seizures would pass. The cat who would find the highest perch in our bedroom at 2 a.m. and yowl like his toenails were being ripped out, was the same cat who would awaken me in the middle of the night kissing my face. The cat who would get behind furniture and chew electrical cords was the same cat who would walk me upstairs to bed every single night…and perhaps that’s when I miss him the most. He would hear me getting an allergy pill…yes…most cats come when they hear food…he came when he heard my allergy pills. He’d appear from wherever he’d been…and God only knows what he’d been doing there. He’d meow, raise that two foot long tail straight up in the air, I’d take hold if it, and he’d lead me up the stairs."

I miss him more than I ever imagined I would. The house is too quiet...I have much more time on my hands now that I don't have to keep an eye on his activities 24/7. Do I want another one like him? Absolutely not. Would I take *him* back? In a heartbeat.

I played "what if" for weeks...what if I would've noticed the lump sooner...what if we didn't let them operate...you get the idea. It was pointless and all it did was make me feel guilty...I believe I've read it's called survivor's guilt. I also spent a great deal of time being more angry than I ever thought I could be at God. For the life of me I still can't figure out WHY He'd want Humphrey back. One night in the shower (and you know that's where He does all of His talking to me) I was sobbing and basically saying what I just did here. I said, "What do you want me to do!!!???" Loud and clear I heard, "Trust me." I think I went certifiable right after that. "TRUST YOU??? ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING??? AND YOU STILL TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME!!!!" For those who haven't known me for darn near all of my life, I trust no one. Honestly, I think The X-Files snagged my tagline. So to be asked to trust? He knew He was asking something major. Oh mercy...I've got a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

Long story short, I'm going to trust Him. It ain't easy...but I guess following His plan for our lives isn't. I choose to believe that something good will come of all of this. I don't know...maybe Hopie will grow up and find the cure for feline lymphoma...or human lymphoma. I would never ever say that to her though. If she's meant to do that I want her to go in that direction ON HER OWN.

~*~

Just reading that post...and the two before it...were so much harder than I could've imagined. And yes, I still have my moments with God. My trust is growing by baby steps, but it is growing. I thank Him daily that he hasn't taken another furry boy from our lives since April of 2007. For those of you that don't know we lost three of our precious boys from the summer of 2004-April of 2007. It really was just about more than I could take.

So what is the point of this H post? Well certainly not to relive the grief and pain that came with losing our Humphrey. And while his zest for life absoLUTELY deserves to be celebrated, that really wasn't my goal either. My purpose was to lay the groundwork for my next post. Love lives on...and no matter what I MIGHT have believed before? I have been given such an incredible peek into Heaven itself, such amazing proof...and maybe, just maybe that's why God wanted Humphrey back...to open my heart...my mind...my beliefs...or to do the same for someone who might just stumble upon this post and the next.

Please do come back on Friday...you won't be sorry...I promise! TRUST ME! ;)

Allow me to introduce you to our newest family member. This is Wally!

I first spoke of Wally in early June. I also told you that he had his own story. Read on if you care to!

I always knew I would have another kitty after Humphrey passed. As angry as I was at God, I knew He would bring another furry soul into my life. Remember? TRUST ME.

I had decided that we would give Wendy at Kitten Krazy a call at the end of June...and I was checking the website at least once a day looking at precious little faces. Yeah, well, you know what they say about best laid plans. Suddenly I had surgery scheduled for the end of June. So, I decided the end of July. Oh...I am so funny! It appears I still haven't caught on that my timing and God's timing aren't anywhere near being in synch.

Garry took Gus for a routine vet visit and came home with a message for me from Dr. Arends. Apparently she said, "You have to PROMISE to tell Melissa. I have a cat for you." Garry said, "I don't want a cat." She said, "I know. But tell Melissa." He said, "What's wrong with it?" She said, "Absolutely nothing. That's why I'm telling you about him. You guys need a break. I've already called and talked to the foster home. He's yours if you want him." As he is relaying this information to me I ask, "What color is he?" When he said black and white I started crying. I couldn't deal with another black kitty so soon...even though Hope had told me right after Humphrey passed that our next kitty would be black. I continued asking questions through the tears and found out that he had been found in a Wal-Mart parking lot about a year ago. He was rescued by Save Ohio Strays, named Wally, and put into foster care. Dr. Arends said she had kept him for awhile until a foster home opened up. I immediately went online and located his picture on the Save Ohio Strays website. I didn't get any feelings other than I was glad to see that he seemed to be EQUAL parts black and white.

The next couple of days I'd keep checking to see if he was still available and that silly face started growing on me. Garry called and made an appointment for us to meet him on a Sunday. I filled out the adoption application online...which by the way was only SLIGHTLY less involved than what we did for our girls! LOL I started to talk about him to Hope who immediately started calling him Sam because, and I quote, "MY favorite store is Sam's Club." So we called him Sam.

Sunday arrived and the family piled into the car to go and meet Wally...errr...Sam. When we got to the nice lady's home she welcomed us into her living room. Wally was in a large cage in the center of the room. Garry and the girls sat on the couch...I sat on the floor in front of the cage. I believe the nice lady's name was Teri. She opened the cage and Wally shot out. He went behind the couch, did a slow lap around the room, came up behind me, and laid down against my back. Yeah...I started crying. He rubbed up against me, let me pet him, and purred up a storm. He really didn't want much to do with Garry and the girls but what do you expect? Hope was dying to touch him and Claire was leaping around like a jumping bean! In case you haven't already figured it out, we brought him home! On the drive home Garry and I decided that he really "looked" like a Wally and tried to persuade Hope of the same. She came around, but only if his middle name was Sam. Thus was born Wally Sam!

If you haven't seen God's Hand in this yet, read on. When Horatio passed I told Garry that when I was ready for another cat I was going to ask Dr. Arends for assistance in choosing one. I trust her...yes I TRUST her. I never said anything to her...nor did he. He stopped into the clinic one afternoon for some food and as he was talking with her she said, "I'm scared to death Melissa is going to ask me to help her choose a cat. I don't want to! There just aren't any guarantees!" So when he came home in June and said SHE had a cat for me? Well, enough said.

Still need convincing? He and Gus get along so well it is scary. They eat together, play together, wash each other, and sleep on me in the bed together. I've NEVER had two cats get along as well as they do...and so quickly. It was literally a matter of DAYS.




And in case you are wondering...Wally is VERY much like Humphrey. He has MANY behaviors that were unique to Humphrey and whenever he demonstrates them, no matter how frustrated I may be, it is like receiving a hug from Heaven. He also has his own personality as well. We've decided that Wally is really an all white cat and that his black parts are from Humphrey. He is yet another precious gift from God to our family...and yes...he likes the girls too.

God's blessings to you! ")

P.S. If you've been wondering where I've been lately...I'm hanging out at facebook.com! Yep, I'm helping to show all those youngsters that folks over 40 can have a "social network" too! Come and visit...look me up! ")

So Mel...what's going on with...

1) Humphrey? Well, if you noticed the last post and the giant gap of time between posts I guess you've figured out that we lost our precious Humphrey. On the 17th I received news that *my* liver was just fine. On the 18th we received news that not only had the lymphoma spread to Humphrey's liver but he also had the start of fatty liver disease. There are NO words to tell you how badly this whole situation SUCKED. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone but even his oncologist used the same terminology. So, on the day after what we had always considered his birthday, we said good-bye to our boy. I can still hear Hopie screaming, "But Mama! I want to keep him!" Me too princess...me too.

All in all he was NOT a good cat! LOL He wasn't known for his good behavior. But as I told all of his doctors...

"That boy was such an anus…yes…I said anus. We used that word to describe him every single day. 'Humphrey stop being an anus!' 'You’re such an anus!” 'Stop anusing about!' You get the idea. That boy had not one single solitary shred of impulse control. If he wanted to do something he did it…repeatedly…for years. Yet the cat who destroyed more breakables than all of my other cats together, was the same cat who sat next to his brother Horatio until Horatio’s seizures would pass. The cat who would find the highest perch in our bedroom at 2 a.m. and yowl like his toenails were being ripped out, was the same cat who would awaken me in the middle of the night kissing my face. The cat who would get behind furniture and chew electrical cords was the same cat who would walk me upstairs to bed every single night…and perhaps that’s when I miss him the most. He would hear me getting an allergy pill…yes…most cats come when they hear food…he came when he heard my allergy pills. He’d appear from wherever he’d been…and God only knows what he’d been doing there. He’d meow, raise that two foot long tail straight up in the air, I’d take hold if it, and he’d lead me up the stairs."

I miss him more than I ever imagined I would. The house is too quiet...I have much more time on my hands now that I don't have to keep an eye on his activities 24/7. Do I want another one like him? Absolutely not. Would I take *him* back? In a heartbeat.

I played "what if" for weeks...what if I would've noticed the lump sooner...what if we didn't let them operate...you get the idea. It was pointless and all it did was make me feel guilty...I believe I've read it's called survivor's guilt. I also spent a great deal of time being more angry than I ever thought I could be at God. For the life of me I still can't figure out WHY He'd want Humphrey back. One night in the shower (and you know that's where He does all of His talking to me) I was sobbing and basically saying what I just did here. I said, "What do you want me to do!!!???" Loud and clear I heard, "Trust me." I think I went certifiable right after that. "TRUST YOU??? ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING??? AND YOU STILL TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME!!!!" For those who haven't known me for darn near all of my life, I trust no one. Honestly, I think The X-Files snagged my tagline. So to be asked to trust? He knew He was asking something major. Oh mercy...I've got a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

Long story short, I'm going to trust Him. It ain't easy...but I guess following His plan for our lives isn't. I choose to believe that something good will come of all of this. I don't know...maybe Hopie will grow up and find the cure for feline lymphoma...or human lymphoma. I would never ever say that to her though. If she's meant to do that I want her to go in that direction ON HER OWN.

2) Mel? My MRI guided biopsy went well...or so we thought. The results came back benign and we celebrated with pizza and donuts! And then several days later we got the radiologist's report that said something to the effect of "I'm not confident I biopsied the right spot." Well isn't that special? In the meantime the spot he *did* biopsy became infected. So I spent ten days on antibiotics every 6 hours...even set the alarm to go off at 4 a.m. so I wouldn't miss my early morning dose! AND to top it off, this radiologist is the *only* guy in these parts that does the MRI thing. SO, at the end of the month I have to go BACK to him and he is going to insert a guide needle/wire into the spot (please pray he gets the right one LOL) and then I will be wheeled into surgery where MY surgeon who we trust completely will remove WHATEVER this little blip is that is causing so much concern. She (my surgeon) said she truly thinks it's nothing but with two small kids at home that depend on me, she's not taking any chances. Soooo...what was that message that I got about trusting? ")

3) The state of Chinese adoptions? Aye carumba...please pray for everyone still waiting. The CCAA just last week completed matching parents with LID's up to November 7, 2005. YES I SAID 2005!!! People whose papers were logged in two months after OURS are just now seeing a picture of their baby's face for the first time. CCAA has also told at least one country to expect the WAIT...that's AFTER you send your papers to China...to be up to THREE YEARS. My heart ACHES for these people.

4) THE Agency? Don't get me started. This is a MAJOR challenge for me to try and remain even the slightest bit positive. I have so much anger and bitterness directed towards these folks. I work every single day to let SOME of it go. Eventually I pray that with God's help I can let ALL of it go.

We are required to send monthly progress reports for the first year after returning home with Claire and then quarterly for the next two years. We are also required to send pictures with the reports. Well...like the dutiful servants that we are we signed everything the agency gave us and sent everything we were supposed to for Hope. We later found out that the 4-5 pictures we were sending each and every month were NOT going to China as we had been told verbally. The pictures were being used in all manner of the agency's publications both in print and online. We were never notified when our pictures were used...and by the way each and every picture we ever sent them has our name and address printed on the back...we found out five different times by accident. The first couple of times it was kind of flattering...then it just got creepy. I mean, how many pictures do they receive each month and they've used us five times that we know about? How many other instances DON'T we know about? Hope's face was plastered on every single page of the China portion of their website...now removed thank heavens! There are too many creepy folks out there that I don't want having unrestricted access to my girls' pictures.

So when the post placement packet arrived for Claire and I opened the booklet...there was Hope's face staring back at me again. I literally went ballistic. This is a new publication and they are still using her pictures. We haven't sent them a new picture of her since February of '05. Upon further reading there was a waver that we were told to sign basically saying that we give up all rights to our photos and this adoption agency can use them any way they want to. Again...ballistic. Hormones in overdrive I vowed I wasn't going to do ANY post placement save the two visits with our social worker...no monthly reports, no pictures, NOTHING! After I let that eat at me for about a month I decided I couldn't do that and remain healthy. So, I've been doing two months worth of reports at a time. Along with the reports I send one page of thumbnail photos printed off of our computer. At the bottom of this sheet is this statement:

"The Hageman Family requests that (insert the agency's name here) NOT use our photos for any reason without express written permission from us. We will not be signing the release included in the post placement packet. We feel as if (your agency) has overused the photos of our oldest daughter, Hope. While we are flattered that you think she is so photogenic, we would respectfully ask that you stop using her likeness in all new materials. (Your agency) receives countless pictures from parents who would be thrilled to see their daughters’ faces printed in the agency’s materials. Regrettably, we are not one of those families. We feel very uncomfortable granting strangers carte blanche with our daughters’ likenesses.

Thank you for your understanding in this matter,
signed...dated..."

Snarky? Probably. But honestly folks, we've had enough. Not only don't we like not knowing when and for what purpose our baby's likeness is being used, but we don't want anyone to SEE those pictures and think we endorse the services they are about to receive from this agency. I pray with ALL of my heart that no one else has to go through what our family went through with this place. And I'll say it again...it's not just this agency! There are problems with many other adoption agencies.

Garry called the probate court to ask a few questions about readopting Claire. Yes, we have to readopt for our COUNTY. The gal he spoke to said, "Your agency should be helping you with this! Who are you working with?" He told her. She said, "Oh...I've heard they're not very helpful."

On Friday, May 25th we received a letter from said agency. It was full of legalese and basically the only thing I could get out of it was that our home study was going to expire...to which I thought, "big deal". However as you read further there were statements saying, "You will lose your status as an adoptive home!" "You must sign and return this by May 31st!" And what was I seeing in my head? "YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE YOUR DAUGHTERS!"

On the verge of throwing both girls in the car and heading for the state line I called Garry and read it to him. He couldn't make sense of it either. He called the agency and actually got the person who had sent it out. Ok, get this...all it was saying was that if you think you're going to want to adopt AGAIN you need to sign it and return it before the end of the month when your home study expires. If you don't do that then you have to start all over again. He assured her that we would never completely lose our minds and want to go through the process yet again. When she complained to him that she had been fielding phone calls all day over the letter he suggested that perhaps said agency should include a cover letter that EXPLAINED the legalese as she just had.

Yet, in true agency fashion, the letter was dated May 18th...we received it on the 25th...it had to be back in their hands by the 31st. That was Memorial Day weekend...so it couldn't have gone back out in the mail before the 29th. If we DID want to do this again there was a sentence at the bottom of the form saying that $1000 would be needed for the update and if we wanted to use said agency they'd need another $1000 for post placement. Hey y'all...I don't know about you, but we always have an extra $2000 or so lying around.

Done...stepping down from my SAID AGENCY soapbox now.

5) The girls? They are FABULOUS! Absolutely the reason I get out of bed each and every day. Claire is cruising the furniture like nobody's business and eats like a linebacker! That kid will eat anything...and I do mean anything...doesn't have to be food! LOL She lights up like a Christmas tree and squeals with delight when she sees her sister each morning. They are starting to interact with each other and it is just a joy to watch. Of course, with that interaction sometimes comes conflict...not so joyous...but normal!

Hopie finished her first year of preschool and is already looking forward to going back in the fall and being in "The Big 4 Year Old Class" as she calls it. Realizing that she will be starting Kindergarten next year...well...it's simply a terrifying thought! LOL She's excited about going to Vacation Bible School for the first time at the end of the month. Her favorite activities include eating outside on the patio at her new picnic table, playing with Play-Doh, and anything having to do with Disney's Little Einsteins.

Claire's favorite pastimes? Taking off her pants when I'm not looking, ridding her feet of those accursed socks, pulling the barrettes from her own hair AND her sister's, and calling Gus..."Ki-ki-ki-ki". For those of you who don't speak 14 month old that's "Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty"! ")

Speaking of kitties...we're going to go meet a prospective new furry member of the family tomorrow evening. He has his own story which I will share later. Let's just say that Hopie has already named him and in true Mel fashion, once I saw his picture I knew he was mine.

Until next time be blessed...

Humphrey

April 17, 1997~April 18, 2007

We love you Bumps...

I've held it together for this long...and right now I feel like a shell of what I should be...no...more like a dried husk.

I won't bore you with all of the details but about six months ago I had a pretty scary health moment. Over a period of 2-3 months I had three ultrasounds, an MRI, a CT scan, and an ultrasound guided biopsy. Praise God on high everything turned out just fine!

Recently I went in for my six month follow-up MRI. Again...they found "something". I had to have an ultrasound and they couldn't find the "something" on it. So now I have to have an MRI guided biopsy. I can only imagine that's an "in the machine...out of the machine...in the machine...out of the machine" procedure. I also had my 6 month follow-up CT scan yesterday...no results yet...and frankly I'm glad. I don't WANT any more results.

God has held me up and kept me strong during all of this. I know it's Him because strong is really not a word I would ever use to describe myself. I had a doctor tell me recently, "I'm sorry this ruined your Easter." WHAT? I said, "This didn't ruin my Easter! You can't ruin Easter!" And you know what is even more amazing to me that I said that? The fact that I BELIEVE it! How can you ruin God's promise of everlasting life?! He looked at me like I was nuts...whatever! His loss!

I've been no stranger to health scares for the last 5-6 years. They used to petrify me and render me absolutely useless. Now I can actually function and find myself FORGETTING about them most of the time. I have decided I will NOT live my life from crisis to crisis. I'm going to enjoy each and every day of life that God grants me.

Now, what is TRULY bothering me? Humphrey. Here is this gorgeous creature that God has placed in my care for the last ten years. The week Garry left for China Humphrey presented with a lump on his foot which turned out to be cancer. The toe was removed...it spread to his lymph nodes. He went through two different types of chemo...nothing. He had one big whompin' surgery on the 6th to remove one big whompin' lymph node. He came home the 9th...looking like Franken-Kitty with a huge scar and a lot of shaved areas...but he was still Humphrey. As the days went by he became more and more listless...ate less and less...finally stopped eating all together. We took him in yesterday and they gave him some fluids and some appetite stimulants. He was much happier...ate a little bit...but still not Humphrey. He went back to the hospital today where they are keeping him for 24 hours on an IV to completely rehydrate him. If he doesn't start eating on his own, they'll syringe-feed him. Sounds horrible...it isn't...they did that with Garth once and he bounced back just fine. So why am I so worried? They did an ultrasound and a biopsy of his liver today. There are cells present that don't belong there. They could be the start of fatty liver disease...or they could be the lymphoma that has spread. The sample was sent out to the lab and we'll know for sure tomorrow. At this point we are all praying for fatty liver disease because even though it is horrible it can be turned around. If it is lymphoma...well...the chemo doesn't work.

What do I *want* to do? I want to go outside, stand in the middle of the street, scream at the top of my lungs and throw rocks at cars. I want to toss every single thing off of my desk and slam it into the wall. I want to take a sledge hammer to the side of my house. What *will* I do? I'll continue to pray on Humphrey's behalf. I'll continue to believe that God knows what He is doing even though I can't fathom why we'd be going through this with yet another kitty in such a short time span. And of course, I'll cry. You know...I haven't until today...and they just won't stop.

Well, the phone just rang with my CT scan results. Praise God, everything is fine and I do NOT have to have any further follow-up having to do with that part of the problem. Which, strangely, makes me feel worse. Again, I can handle *my* scares...it's the ones where ANY of my kids are concerned that simply tear me up. I called Garry and gave him the good news...and then sobbed. He said, "It's ok to get good news. You don't have to feel guilty about YOU getting a good report. Your report and Humphrey's report are mutually exclusive events." I *know* he's right...but at this point in time, that doesn't make me feel any better.

So I guess while we're waiting for his results and while he's in the hospital I can go back to sleeping in my bed. Yes, I was sleeping on the bathroom floor with Humphrey. He had to be confined so he wouldn't pull his surgical staples out jumping, climbing stairs etc. I wanted to be with him every minute I could. If you think I'm nuts, there's nothing I can do to change your mind! He's my child and has been since God sent him to me all of those years ago. Deal with it!

Hope stayed home from preschool today. She's coming down with something. I was almost grateful. This morning was filled with chicken noodle soup, applesauce, Tylenol, and Vicks. It was almost a blessing having a patient who could TELL me what was wrong.

In her short life she has lost two of the only four kitties she has ever known...and believe me...she's worried about Humphrey too. Yesterday she said, "Mama? Is Humphrey going to be all right?" I told her the only truth I know..."I don't know. We just have to trust his doctors and keep praying."

She sees me going into hospitals and doctors' offices and she gets very nervous. "Daddy? Is Mama coming home?" I've told her over and over and over that good forever mamas and daddies always come home. I'm afraid Satan uses that line over and over in my head as I go through my medical tests. I am more afraid of leaving my two girls without a mother...again...than I am of what might be wrong with me. Then there is the logical portion of my brain...roughly the size of a pea...no surprise to anyone who knows me. I'm not exactly known for my logic...I'm more about the emotion. The logical portion of my brain keeps reminding me...you know...you've been lucky so many times...the odds are against you on this one...eventually you're going to get bad news.

So that's what's going on here! I don't tell you this for sympathy or kudos or prayers...I tell you because I needed to get it OUT of me...and blogging is cheaper than therapy!

For those of you who don't know Humphrey's story I will post it below. This version appeared at my now defunct website; Prayer, Praise & Peace! Take care y'all...until next time...

Angels Don't Necessarily Have To Be Human---by Mel and Barb

This is my very favorite personal angel experience. A lot of joy has come out of so much pain. Be forewarned...this one is a long one and has been known to bring tears!

My husband Garry and I have been making yearly pilgrimages to Williamsburg, Virginia for close to eight years now. At one point we were going up to 2 or 3 times a year. During our September of '96 trip we ran into a giant black ball of fur, purrs, and love named Humphrey. I fell madly in love with Humphrey and after spending close to ten days with him I sobbed when I had to leave him. Had he been a stray, he would have come home with us, but he belonged to the gents in the Harness and Saddlemaker's Shop. He was not only their friend, he was their mascot!

While we were driving home in the pitch black we were listening to the radio and the song called "Angels Among Us" by Alabama came on. I turned my head to the passenger window and started weeping, thinking about Humphrey, but never said a word or made a sound. Being the wonderful husband that he is, Garry reached over, touched my leg and said, "I think Humphrey was an angel sent down to you too."

When he suggested that we head back down in April of '97, I was ecstatic! I'd get to see Humphrey all that much sooner! As soon as we arrived in Colonial Williamsburg we made a bee-line for the garden behind The Cole Shop, the historical trade building where the harness and saddlemakers work. We searched and searched but couldn't find Humphrey anywhere. When we went into the shop and asked where he was, we were told that he had died the day before. We felt so horrible! The next few days we just kind of wandered around in a fog, and I felt like a real moron for reminding the poor guys that their buddy was gone!

When I got home I typed out the following letter and mailed it off to them:

April 21, 1997

Dear Gentlemen,

Words can not adequately express the sadness that I felt upon learning of the death of your wonderful cat, Humphrey. The grief that I felt was overwhelming...I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Had I known the answer, I most likely wouldn't have asked where he was when we visited the shop last week.

I had dubbed Humphrey my "surrogate cat" when I first met him in September of 1996. My husband and I had made our yearly two week trip to Williamsburg and I was missing my own pet terribly. Around dusk on one of our first nights there, we were exploring the garden behind The Cole Shop looking for a squirrel or some other sort of soft, furry creature to annoy when we were startled by a streak of black leaping from amongst the flowers. I said, "How did you know that I needed to see a kitty?" To which that streak of black replied, "Riouw!" This was our first encounter with dear Humphrey. He immediately walked over to me and looked up as if to say, "Well? Aren't you going to pet me?" I sat down on the steps of the laundry and as if he'd known me all of his life, pounced upon my lap, tags jingling! He settled in like he was right at home and that spot was where we met almost nightly for close to ten days. So many people would come through and ask if he were mine...I always responded the same, "No, he's everybody's cat." I have a feeling that Humphrey's reputation is known far and wide.

Humphrey was a fellow who knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to demand it. He demanded to be loved and had no problem expressing his appreciation for it! He was possibly the kindest soul, feline or otherwise, that I have ever encountered. Humphrey was an exceptional feline, but I don't need to tell you that. I can only imagine that God needed a good lap cat and there was only one choice. I can just see the old boy nipping at His flowing robes for attention...can't you?

A donation will be made in Humphrey's name to a no kill shelter in our area. And if a stray massive ball of black fur ever wanders into our back yard we've already got a name picked out.

Again, I offer our sincere sympathy. When you hang his collar up at the shop, give the tags a jingle for me. Colonial Williamsburg has truly lost one of its best ambassadors.

Sincerely,
Garry and Melissa

I had all but forgotten about that letter when the following letter arrived inside a beautiful sympathy card:

9 May 1997

Dear Melissa and Garry,

I don't quite know where to begin to thank you for your condolences about Humphrey. Before I started writing to you I read again your letter and my tears are back. Your letter is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. All of us who loved Humpty passed around copies of the letter, and all of us cried together. You expressed so lovingly what we could not put into words. My first thought when I was told he was gone was why? I'm angry, very angry with God. And then, later on the 17th of April, I thanked God for letting me know and love Humpty for even the short time I knew him. I used to go down on my lunch break every day to sit and snuggle with him. Sometimes he'd be visiting his friend across the street and I would have to miss him. But I can't tell you how many times Humpty got me smiling again.

Did you notice he had little, tiny, golden spots on the top of his head? Those were his "angel kisses"--now I know he is on a heavenly lap just as you said.

Eric, the Englishman at The Harness Shop, took Humpty home and buried him under a white azalea bush. That is the only bush that is ablaze with blooms according to Eric.

I've enclosed the "obit" I had put in the CWF news. Plus two pictures of happier times. (That's me with my boy)

Thank you both so much for caring to write. Your words and thoughts touched us deeply.

Barbara

Greenhow Store
Colonial Williamsburg

You can't imagine how touched I was to receive the card, letter, pictures and obit of my surrogate kitty. On the back of one of the pictures, Barbara had written, "Humphrey, The Angel Kitty.

But wait! There's more!!!

In June of 1997, we went to Petsmart to get some food for our rather large and very spoiled cat Garth who was six at the time. As usual, I ended up cooing at all of the animals that they had up for adoption. There was a cage of little black and white kittens and I was petting them and talking to them and basically doing my own thing. All of them were rubbing all over me except one who was in the back of the cage sleeping. I don't know why I did this, but I said, "Humphrey? Is that you?" The little sleeping one stood up, yawned, walked up to the cage door, and kissed my face. Under his chin was a white spot that was exactly the size of a white azalea bloom. Yes, I started to cry again and he came home with us.

Things weren't all that rosy for quite awhile after that. He was very sick for almost his entire first year of life. Our vets told us that they were really kind of surprised that he lived through it. It's really just been in the last six months or so that Garth has finally decided that he likes him and we've had him for three years now! We, of course, named him Humphrey and as near as our vets can determine, he was born the same week that Humphrey Sr. died.

When we went back to Williamsburg in September of '97 I was determined to meet Barbara and thank her for her kindness. We stopped in The Greenhow Store several times a day for an entire week before I spotted someone that "kind of" looked like the pictures she had sent. When I walked up to the counter she didn't look like she was having a very good day. She was rolling her eyes and letting out these huge sighs! When I finally mustered up enough courage to approach her I kind of whispered, "Are you Barbara?" She said, "Who wants to know?!"

Ok...I'm really scared now! I said, "I'm Melissa. You sent me the sympathy card for Humphrey." Her whole demeanor changed dramatically! She almost jumped over the counter trying to get to me! She grabbed hold of my hands and wouldn't let go! The first thing she asked me was, "Have you met Ralph?"

"Umm...no," I replied. "But I did meet Murphy!" (Murphy is the new ball of black fur that now resides at The Saddler's!)

She said, "You've got to meet Ralph and see what he did!" She grabbed me and off the three of us went down the street in search of Ralph. (We never did find him!)

We stopped at The Shoemaker's Shop and were introduced to Donna, who had first rescued Humphrey and brought him to The Saddler's. She told me that she had a copy of my letter framed at her house. Then she took us down to meet Eric, who was Humphrey's Dad. He wasn't in the shop, but he was in the building behind the shop that used to be the laundry, now it's like their break room and off limits to the public. She banged on the door and in we went!

She introduced Garry and I to him as "the author's of THE letter". She then showed us what Ralph had done and I REALLY started to weep. Ralph had taken two pictures of Humphrey, a copy of his obit, and my letter, and had them professionally matted and framed. It now hangs in the break room.

One last "angelic" moment before this story ends. I had taken pictures of my Humphrey to show Barb and when she looked at them she was speechless. She then produced pictures of her cat Dinger who was born at the exact same time as our Humphrey; was abandoned exactly like my Humphrey; and they are absolutely identical. My chin actually dropped. If I didn't know better I would have sworn that she was showing me pictures of my very own cat!

In closing, Barb and I have been through a lot together AND separately since then. I love her dearly and she is truly one of the most wonderful people I have ever met. My life is so much better with her in it! I love you Barb...and your kitties too! = )

---Copyright 1997, 2000 Barb and Mel

The song "Angels Among Us" can be found on the player at the bottom of the page. Treat yourself to a listen.

Thanks to everyone for EVERYTHING! I'm sorry I've been so quiet...your emails tell me you are being as patient as you can be!

This one is going to be very brief...I promise when things even out a little I'll let you know all the wonderful little details.

You remember that Claire was sick in China...snotty nose, cough, coughing so hard she was vomiting? Before she got home, the cough had lessened so no more vomiting. She still has a snotty nose, she's still coughing, she's in a brand new country, in a brand new house, with a brand new family...she went to the doctor for her first visit last Friday...she also has an ear infection. SO, she's been getting Tylenol, antiobiotics, and did I mention they started her re-vaccinations too? So she spiked a fever and had pain in both legs. There was little to no sleep the first couple of nights...and now we know it was due to the ear infection. Once the amoxicillin kicked in she's sleeping through the night. Let's not forget she's getting over a mild case of scabies too. So all in all, she's one of the toughest kids I've ever known...along with her sister. She's giving us smiles and waves and she's decided that I'm pretty swell. I don't think she realizes that I'm Mama yet, but she likes me.

Hope is doing well. She was the only member of the family besides the kitties who slept through the night the last few days. She has her moments...mostly small meltdowns when she feels like she's being left out. But most of the time she just wants to be next to her sister. Claire cries when Hope cries...and laughs when Hope laughs. Garry said she did NOT cue into other babies in China, so this is definitely a sister thing!

Me, one day is excellent, another day isn't. I'll survive. My family is home and together and we can get through anything. My house is still a mess. You know what? I've got two kids now. I think it's probably going to be a mess for the next 20 years or so. Humphrey has his surgery tomorrow, so those of you with a soft spot for kitties, please say a little prayer for him.

Garry, the Uber-Dad? There are NO words for how proud I am of him and how he handled everything while he was gone. He's got what Claire has. He went to the doctor today...came home with a couple scripts and some chicken soup. He needs to rest and take it easy for awhile! He had a minor meltdown earlier today because he couldn't find something...thinks he left it in China. It is so not important. Chances are it's buried under one of the many piles in my kitchen! LOLOLOLOL

My girls are napping...I think I'm going to do the same. Thanks for your patience!

You know, and I'm going to mention God here, so run if you wish...

Apparently I've gotten too far from God's side lately. I know this because He's allowing the evil one to poke and prod at me. As I said to a friend of mine, "Satan is playing fast and loose with my family." God's done this before...you'd think even a stupid human like myself would've learned by now. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO AVOID THE PAIN. He pulls me back in one of two ways...my stomach goes haywire, or one of my cats goes haywire. Last Friday it was my stomach...this Friday it was Humphrey. I'm not going to go into any details...if you want to know and you don't already, just email me. In any case, I'm about as stripped bare as I can be and still function...so all of His messages are coming through loud and clear!

Right now, He's blessed me with the most perfect peace. I don't know how long it's going to last, and I don't have the words to tell you just how sweet it is.

I miss Garry so much it hurts...we talked for over two hours this morning. Garry and I are "Binars"...pronounced "by-narz". Again, if you don't get that reference and you want to, email me. If you do get it, you watch too much TV just like I do. We function as one...when we are separated we start to weaken.

You know what? I don't even have to GO to China to lose weight! It's just like being there! I'm about 8 pounds lighter than I was when he left. And no, I haven't hit danger weight yet. I've got 3-4 more pounds before I need to worry. Today I took Hope to McDonalds for lunch. I figured it will either cure me or kill me! I ordered a cheeseburger and when we got home it was a double cheeseburger. I devoured it. I think it was from Him...I think I was SUPPOSED to eat it! LOL I've had a lot of good burgers in my life, but this one was fabulous...even from McDonalds. I just kept thinking about Ali when we got back to Chicago from our first trip to China. She hit the airport McDonalds as soon as she could and sat there cooing, "This is the best hamburger I've ever had!"

What's tomorrow going to bring? I don't know...and right now I don't care. This is a feeling I would LOVE to hang onto. God can worry about tomorrow. Today, I'm going to lay on the floor with my oldest daughter and put stickers in her Lilo & Stitch sticker book. Maybe we'll play Princess Dominoes...or Go Fish. I'm going to write in Claire's journal and tell her how much I love her even though I've never even held her yet. I'm going to curl up and read The Chronicles Of Narnia. I'm going to let the housework pile up and NOT worry about it. And I'm going to thank God for taking such good care of my family.

So what's going on on the other side of the world? They are safely in Guangzhou...shopping like fiends! LOL That part...I miss! Garry said Claire screamed the entire hour and forty minutes on the plane. Please pray she does better on the endless flight home! The babies had their medical exams this morning and their visa pictures taken after that. I believe Garry said they had their pictures taken at 10:20 this morning, and by that time, the total number of baby visa pictures just for that day was FORTY? After that shop, shop, shop! He's doing such a phenomenal job...I am so blessed to have him in my life!

He hit Sherry's Place with a vengeance. Take note first timers, DO NOT MISS SHERRY'S PLACE! She greeted him as soon as he entered and said she remembered him from our first trip. Now, I have no idea if she did or not, but what a wonderful thing to say! She is an absolute treasure...and her shops are FULL of even more treasure! I had sent him there for wedding boxes, so on top of everything else he bought from her, he asked her for wedding boxes. She showed him what she had and even talked him out of a couple different styles as "They not make the trip home!" There were only four of the other kind...and I wanted five. She said she could get it no problem. Then she told him to go back to the hotel and she would bring the fifth one to him...and she did. He's also having a zodiac chop and a granite etching done there. He says she calls him, "Garry with 2 r's!" LOL She asked to see a picture of Hope and me, said she remembered me as well. Again, just a genuinely sweet thing to say.

While in Guangzhou the group is staying at The Victory Hotel. This is the "old" Victory...the "new" Victory is around the corner and that's where you go for breakfast. The "old" Victory has had quite a few renovations and additions since we were there in February of '04. Everything is brand new...a coffee bar in the lobby...and a faucet for DRINKING WATER in each room!

Claire is doing MUCH better. She's had I believe two days in a row with no barfing! YAY! She's still just a laughing, giggly, gorgeous coconut. Ohhh...I really want to hold her!

Tomorrow is confusing to me. Zhou's intinerary says one thing, Garry says another. I'm going by Garry right now. Tomorrow is a museum and then the pearl market. OOOOO! I LOVE THE PEARL MARKET!

Until next time y'all!

Hi y'all,

I promise to write more tomorrow and post some pictures that Garry sent us. Today was kind of worthless...I was sick last night and slept most of today.

Extra special thanks to Carol and Helen for taking care of Mama and Hopie...and Humphrey, while Daddy is away.

In the meantime, check out Kristian's blog at http://www.jksweber.blogspot.com/ See if you recognize anyone! ")

A little early...but it needs to be done!

Things I Am Thankful For

1. I am eternally grateful to everyone who has taken the time to call, pray, email, or speak with us personally over this latest mess. I couldn't possibly name all of you without forgetting someone, so I'm not even going to try. Please know that it means so very much to us to have your support!

2. The group of babies that was just referred to our agency were from Jiangxi. We had requested that if it be at all possible, we would like our daughter to be from Anhui, just like Hope. A sign? Perhaps!

3. I have had curly AND wavy hair since oh...I don't know...fourth grade? When we returned home from China my curl disappeared...all of it. I joked with many people who say pregnancy hormones completely change your hair...so do adoption hormones! I also joked that I knew it would be time to bring Claire home when and if my curls returned. They are back, as well as the waves...with a vengeance.

4. Thank you TLC for running a week's worth of stories dealing with international adoption on "A Baby Story". If you are unfamiliar with this show you can learn more here. I've watched many babies being born and while it is heartwarming I have no personal point of reference for the experience. This week however, watching babies being handed to new parents in airports, government buildings, and orphanages...well, this I get...and I've needed Kleenex's every single day. Today was China and although I've seen this episode before it was no less touching than the first time. The mother was traveling with her sister, while daughter number one from China stayed home with her daddy. In his words, and I can't remember if I've posted this before or not, so bear with me, "Yes, I'm going to miss not having the same experience I did the first time. But things are different the second time around." Amen.

5. Thank you God above for my precious husband. I wouldn't even be alive today had I not met him. And yes, most people who don't know him think he's very much like "House" on the television show of the same name. However, within our little family he is the kindest, gentlest, most patient and loving individual I've ever known. The man keeps me sane and stable.

6. Another giant thank you to our Heavenly Father for my girls. Kim, my little sis who is more grown up than I am; Jennifer, my separated at birth twin who has opened my heart and mind to so much more than I ever could've imagined; Rachael and Alicia who I couldn't love anymore if I *HAD* given birth to them; Hope An-Li, there are no words to describe how deeply I love this gift from God; and my Claire, I don't know what you look like...I don't know where you are...but I love you with my whole heart baby girl and I can't wait to meet you.

7. Ok, so 7 is a partial repeat...I'm going to talk about Hope some more! We've had almost two full weeks of no tears at preschool. She's been upset about her own things...and what with the tension in the house over the current adoption, things were bound to boil over soon. One morning at breakfast she asked me, "When Daddy go to China, he will come back?" Yet another time she opened up with, "When Mama hold Claire, she will still hold Hopie?" Lots of talking...lots of reassuring...lots of EXTRA holding. She's amazing.

She's also HILARIOUS! She's obsessed with Disney's "Little Einsteins". Again, if you'd like more information visit them here! Every so often she'll throw out, "Mama? Who's Mozart?" My personal favorite this week was, "Mama? Who's Georges Bizet?" She's also become highly proficient at, well, how do I describe it? You know how kids put their tongues in and out of their mouths really fast and make a...I don't know..."blethu, blethu, blethu" sound? LOLOLOLOL Ok, well, my daughter performs Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov's "Flight Of The Bumblebee" that way. You can't make this stuff up friends!

And lastly, this weekend we went to Sugarcreek in Amish Country. We ordered a new kitchen table from Andreas and as you HAVE to do when in Amish Country, we ate too much! Monday morning while I was getting her dressed I asked her where she went on Saturday. Her answer? "Boogercreek!" We both collapsed in a fit of giggles until we were both gasping for air. Probably NOT my best parenting moment but the kid knows when she's got me!

8. A final thank you for my boys...Humphrey and Gus who make each and every day special in one way or another! And Garth and Horatio who are God's lap cats...for now!

Announcing the latest addition to the family. Meet Capt. Augustus McCrae...known informally as Gus. He joined our family on April 19th and loooooves to relax! Anywhere from two to ten years old (we're thinking younger because when he plays he's INSANE!) he's very good with Hope and knows that when she comes running towards him he needs to get the heck out of the way...something little Horatio never learned. He and Humphrey get along in short supervised bursts but as Garry says, "Gus is just like a bear. If you run from him he's going to chase you." Chase Humphrey he does...and since Gus still has front claws Humphrey is getting plenty of exercise. Yet just yesterday they were sitting next to each other and looking out the back door. There is always hope! Gus is currently the star of the Kitten Krazy homepage and you can find a picture of him with Hope at the site under "Tails Of Success".

We received our package from Asia Threads last weekend. What an emotional roller coaster that was. To read about and to imagine where your daughter was found is one thing, to actually see a picture of it is another. Garry and I are both relieved that we didn't have a chance to visit her finding place because just seeing the pictures are grueling enough. The area is clean and busy. It is not that it is a horrible area that makes the pictures so rough to look at. It's the fact that we can't look at them without imagining our precious girl wrapped up and lying in front of the gates of the elementary school. I will not be posting these pictures here or anywhere else. When Hope is old enough to understand, if she wants to share them, then that will be her decision. We also received pictures of the orphanage where she was placed, the police station she was taken to, the city of Anqing, and the city of Hefei. When we joined this project we provided a letter and several pictures of Hope that would be translated and given to the orphanage. In one of the pictures we received, an orphanage worker is looking at the pictures that the parents had sent and there are our Hope's pictures, front and center. What a wonderful surprise!

Those who received their referrals in late April are leaving for China on the 31st! Congrats to them and to those who just received their referrals this week. We're getting there...we're getting there!

Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and I'll be sure to keep you posted!

***Jennifer...email me...or post in your blog so I, and the rest of your friends can stop worrying about you!***

Ok...remember this statement from a couple of posts ago?

"We are all just trying to smile and keep positive attitudes while we work through the junk!"

Well folks, the junk continues. I've kept smiling and kept my positive attitude...until today. (Linda, please note the day of the week!) In short, the last couple of weeks have been absolutely exhausting both mentally and physically. Why you ask? Read on...or not! :)

1. For reasons I don't care to get into on the worldwide web, Hope became frightened of darn near everything. It started with a couple of our Halloween decorations which I immediately put away. It then progressed to things like the television...so much so that she wouldn't even enter the family room to play with her toys. After that it could be anything...things hanging on the walls or sitting on an end table that have been there for years...Humphrey...you name it. The child who chased Humphrey through the house trying to pet him was now crying if he was even in the same room with her. After a lot of love, talking, and extra attention she's just about back to her normal happy self and all is right in her little 2 year old world...and she's chasing Humphrey through the house trying to pet him again!

REASON TO SMILE? It's over...we lived through it...and she now knows that TALKING about something that bothers her is a good thing.

2. The tendonitis in my foot is trying to creep back. After 10 days on Prednisone it was feeling better and I had about a week of pain-free normalcy. Don't get me wrong, it's still better than what it was, it's just so dang ANNOYING! Add this to the fact that during those 10 days on Prednisone I ate darn near anything that wasn't moving I now feel, in the words of Gaston from Disney's Beauty & The Beast, "...I'm roughly the size of a baaaaaarrrrge!"

REASON TO SMILE? The foot does feel better...it has its good days and bad days. I've been able to cross one med off of my daily who gets what and when calendar! Please notice I didn't say I *am* the size of a barge, only that I *feel* like I'm the size of a barge. There is a big difference! I've worked long and hard to change those evil thought processes!

3. I’ve been working in Claire’s room cleaning out the closet…tossing things…putting things in a pile for a yard sale…organizing. My wedding dress is in a big storage box on the top shelf. On top of that were some of my old toys and a bunch of my baby things that my mother insisted I take. As I was reaching for something on top of the box, a box containing my old electric baby food dish toppled off and fell to the ground. I ignored it and continued to go through things. A few minutes later I went to pick it up and there, underneath it, on my cream colored carpet, was a straight line of about ½ dozen dime sized spots of SOMETHING that was deep forest green. I touched it and it was wet and oily. I opened the box containing the dish and all three compartments were FULL of this green oily slime. I grabbed it, wrapped it in some old blanket that was nearby and raced it downstairs to the trash. I spent the next block of my time trying to get it out of my carpet. I think I’ve got most of it…can’t really see it but if you get too close you can smell the stuff! ICK!

REASON TO SMILE? When we got the carpet we got really GOOD carpet. The guy told us that if we ever needed to cut any out and patch it you’d never be able to see it. AND the wretched thing only leaked on my carpet. It must’ve dribbled out of the compartments when it fell…there was NOTHING on the outside of the box of my wedding dress. Although I told Garry that I’d almost rather that it was on the dress instead of the carpet. I can’t imagine either one of my girls ever wearing a 10 in anything!

4. So much for any of us rotating out of our 8 or more week periods of ringworm meds. Yes, The Hageman Family will now and forever be known as The Fungal Family. Horatio and I presented right around the same time in late August and started our meds in early September. He's officially done today but read on. I'm still applying the cream. All three of my spots are very faint and almost gone. Once they are gone I still need to use the cream for two more weeks. Hope got her little happy spot early in October. So far she only has one and the over the counter stuff her nurse recommended is working great. Humphrey started his bout in late October and his earliest cut-off date is December 2. However, to prevent Horatio becoming re-infected we will have to continue with his meds until Humphrey has had no new spots for two weeks and hair has begun to re-grow.

REASON TO SMILE? Garry has been spared. The meds are definitely working. No one is itching like crazy anymore. The vets will have to administer the meds while we are in Florida for 10 days! Let me tell you...giving a cat liquid medicine twice a day is not a fun proposition. Horatio does much better than Humphrey...whom during administration is known as "El Diablo".

5. Wednesday night I heard this weird hissing noise…but I could only hear it in the laundry room. I asked Garry if he heard anything. He said no…I told him to listen in the laundry room. He did and said it was coming from downstairs. He went downstairs and our hot water heater had sprung a leak. Honestly, the first thing out of my mouth was, "GREAT!" The first thought was, "Gads...what next?"

REASON TO SMILE? Hope had already had her bath for that night. Our builder was a genius and has the basement set up so that if something like that ever happened that it simply drains down a small slope and into the drain in the floor. I quickly took a shower with what was left while Garry filled the sink to wash the dishes. We had the new one installed by dinner time the next day by a really nice young guy…couldn’t have asked for anyone better. It could've happened while we were on vacation...but it didn't. It could've sprayed everything all over the basement...but it didn't. It could've blown up...but it didn't! Those three statements were my next thoughts right after the discovery and I held on to them for DEAR LIFE! ")

6. Last Thursday, while the new hot water heater was being installed, I sat down to work on Hope’s Halloween costume. I was, seriously, about an inch away from being done when my sewing machine literally ate her costume. I could not free it no matter what I did. Garry had to take the miserable thing apart and then I was finally able to gingerly work the costume out…however during it’s adventure there was now a cigarette burn sized hole in it…along with a couple of oil stains. Friends, I had just about reached my limit! LOL I simply went into my office while Garry worked on putting the machine back together and played on my computer and tried not to cry.

REASON TO SMILE? After he finished I went right back to it and finished that last inch. And now I know why I was able to find an exact match between red thread and red t-shirt...have you ever tried to match reds? It was so I could mend the hole and no one would see it. I also know why I decided to start on the back instead of the front! I worked on the front all afternoon on Friday and finished it Saturday. YAY!!!

I don't mean to offend anyone or their beliefs by what I'm about to say. I figure everybody reading this already knows what I believe and either shares those beliefs or loves me in spite of them! ; )

I truly believe that God has been allowing Satan to poke and prod at me so that I can be ready for our next great adventure. This may simply be our trip to Disney World this month or it could be our trip to China next year. In any case my patience and strength of will obviously needed some work. Heaven knows that a flight of *any* length can be pretty stressful when you have a two year old along. I just hope I passed the test because I've had enough for awhile!

I remember going through a stage of very intense anger and frustration during the waiting period for Hope's referral. Well, I guess today begins (and hopefully ends!) that stage for Claire. I simply had reached my limits and took it out on some poor woman who called to tell me that, "Since I was such a good customer I qualified for blah, blah, blah." When I asked her why she didn't tell all of this to Garry when she called two nights ago she said, "I can't. It's federal law. It's to protect your privacy." Ok...so if Garry would've said he was me, then you would've spoken to him? "Are you saying you'd like to be placed on our Do Not Call list ma'am?" I said, "Ma'am I've asked REPEATEDLY to be placed on your Do Not Call list." "Well ma'am I have to read you a disclaimer!" I really don't remember a whole lot after that other than I'm pretty sure I heard myself raising my voice...and I know I told her to leave me alone several times...and then I hung up on her. ::sigh::

Am I whining? Probably. But my BIG point here is that several years ago any ONE of these things would have immediately triggered a migraine headache, anorexia, or a 2 a.m. trip to the emergency room for some much needed drugs to stop the uncontrollable nausea and its side effects. I am amazed at how far God has brought me and how much strength He has given me. I don't have time to get sick! I have an incredible, God given family I need to take care of and enjoy! Thank you God for Garry, Hope, Humphrey, Horatio...and Claire too! You have blessed me beyond my wildest imagination!

Until next time y'all!

I thought that it might be a good idea to post Hope's story first, for those of you who haven't heard or read it yet. It will give you a good background as to how the idea of adoption first came into our lives! The original piece, titled "Our Most Precious Gift", was published in our church newsletter while we were in China. The final two paragraphs were added after we returned home.

~*~

I've heard it said that you never know what God may have in store for you. If I didn't believe it then, I certainly believe it now. This story begins over two years ago, in the summer of 2001...

One bright, sunshiny, summer morning I awoke after having what I considered to be an odd dream. Not odd bizarre, just odd like, “well that was odd”. In this dream, I was a mother to a little Asian girl. Maybe I considered it odd because Garry and I were in our late 30's and about as WASP-ish as you can get! In any case, I couldn't seem to stop thinking about it.

Shortly after having the dream it seemed I was being bombarded daily with images of beautiful little Asian girls. There were articles in the paper about couples adopting from China; a Cleveland weather forecaster adopted a baby girl from China and Channel 5 did a story on her journey; Garry and I would be sitting in the restaurant at Buehler’s when a Caucasian couple would arrive with two little Asian daughters. You get the idea!

I’m sure you all realize that we had never been blessed with children and we had come to a point in our lives where we were truly OK with that. We figured if God wanted us to have kids, He'd find a way...did He ever!

We talked about different ways to bring a child into our lives that summer and fall. When all was said and done, we decided that international adoption was the way to go. We both decided that the end result would be well worth the cost and less risky than going through a million and one hormone treatments with no guarantee of a pregnancy. Unfortunately, adoption within the United States is just about impossible for folks of our age. We could wait from five to nine years for a healthy infant only to lose the child if the child’s birth parents or a member of either of their families decide they want the baby back. And of course there was the Asian thing and the two of us being as far from Asian as we can get! Well, I just kept praying, asking for signs. You know, I wanted to be sure this wasn't something that only I wanted but that God wanted Garry and I to undertake. After all, international adoption isn't exactly easy or cheap.

The last week of November 2001, I was sitting on our living room floor finishing up some last minute items for the E.J. Thomas craft show I was scheduled to do that weekend. Garry had just left for our veterinarians' office to pick up some supplies for our two cats, Garth and Humphrey. While I was sitting there, and I will never forget this as long as I live, I looked towards Heaven and said, “Lord, if this is really what you want me to do you're just going to have to drop it in my lap. I don't even know where to begin.”

A few moments later the phone rang and it was Garry. He was on his way back from the vets' office and he had something special to share with me. He refused to tell me anything about it on the phone so as you can imagine my curiosity had the better of me by the time he walked through the door. The first words out of my mouth were, “Well? What?!”

It seems that our vets, who are a husband and wife team, were happy to see Garry because they had wanted to talk to us. They were leaving for China in a few weeks to pick up their new daughter and they wanted to know if I would help them take care of her. I got chills...I got BIG chills. When I told Garry what I had just prayed for, he got BIG chills.

Long story short, I took care of little Lillian for several months and fell in love with her. We also were able to get information about the agency that facilitated Lillian's adoption. The same month I stopped taking care of Lillian, Garry and I started our paperwork to adopt a daughter of our own from China. I won't kid you, there is a TREMENDOUS amount of paperwork involved and many, many hours spent taking classes, having a home study, having your home inspected, having your background checked, getting fingerprinted etc. China also has one of the longest, if not the longest waiting period...you can pretty much count on waiting at least a year after you finish your paperwork before you have any news of your daughter.

We have waited so long for our precious Hope. Some days I feel as if I can't stand to wait another second...but then God grants me some more patience and reminds me that He started all of this; He knows the perfect moment to place her in our arms. Our “official” date was to be March 2004. During the summer I spoke with the director of the China program at our agency and she told us that they were actually working two months ahead of schedule! Can you believe it?! So our official notification date became January 2004. We, of course, kept praying things would speed up even sooner, (which they did!) but again, all in God's perfect timing!

God has sent many wonderful people and circumstances to encourage us along the way; like the Caucasian family we ran into at The Golden Corral restaurant with two Chinese daughters. The girls were darling in their matching cheerleading uniforms and their mother was more than gracious and very supportive when I told her our story. Or how about when we decided to sell our condo and move into a larger, more child-friendly home? When we went back for a second look at the house we were interested in, the price had just been lowered that day...and the real estate company selling the home bought our condo outright so we didn't have to worry about going through the hassle of selling it.

One of the most startling incidents came from one of our new neighbors. One day last summer she came over to introduce herself and shoved a picture into my hand. In that picture was one of the most adorable little Chinese girls I've ever seen. Yes, they were adopting from China also. They brought their daughter home just before school started this fall. She is a three year old bundle of energy and joy! How awesome God is! Our daughters will be so blessed to be right across the street from each other.

And last, but certainly not least, there is Jennifer. I met this wonderful girl online more years ago than I care to think about. She is one of the most intelligent, creative, and beautiful individuals I have ever had the honor of calling my friend. Jennifer and I don't share similar backgrounds, skin colors, or political views...yet I love her as if she were my sister. I know deep within my heart that God sent her into my life to prove to me that I could love someone who "didn't look like me".

Just when we thought we couldn’t stand to wait a minute longer, on October 30th, two days before our 17th wedding anniversary, we got a call from the agency telling us that our dossier was in referral, which meant we were finally being matched to our daughter! We weren’t supposed to be this far along if you remember, until January of 2004!

The next call came on my 41st birthday; Thursday, November 13th. The good news this time was that our daughter's picture was on its way from China and we would actually be looking at it on Monday. The next three days seemed to drag on endlessly. Early Monday afternoon Chris (our angel at the agency) called and told me that she was looking at our daughter's picture and she was beautiful. She told me her name was Han Tao, her birthday was February 20, 2003, and that she had roly-poly legs. I called Garry as soon as I hung up with Chris. He left work, went directly to the agency, picked up Han Tao's picture and information and came straight home.

So many adoptive parents have told us that they knew the moment they saw their referral picture that that was their child. I'd like to say I had that same feeling but I pretty much went straight into shock! However, within two hours I couldn't look at her beautiful face without crying. She is my baby. She is definitely the one God has chosen to be Garry's and my daughter.

Our Christmas present for 2003 came two days early. Chris called again, this time to tell us that our most treasured daughter would be placed into our arms on January 29, 2004. As you can imagine, life has been a flurry of activity ever since.

As if we hadn't already had enough signs from God that this is exactly what we were supposed to be doing, we received several more:

All of our flights are with United Airlines where my dear father worked for most of his adult life. Dad left us when I was nineteen. I have no doubt he will be watching over us as we are in the air.
Our appointment at the U.S. Embassy in China to secure our daughter's visa and passport is scheduled on my precious grandmother's birthday. Grandma left us when I was only twelve. I can't think of a better guardian angel.

And finally, I was looking at the calendar the other day and Hope was born just two days after we turned in all of our paperwork. Han Tao will now be known as Hope An-Li; An meaning “tranquility” and Li meaning “strength”.

So now, our dear church family, twenty months after we started, we are finally going to hold our most precious gift. I know without a doubt, that moment is going to be well worth the wait.

Peace and joy to you in 2004!

~*~

Two more things that can’t be left out…she never made a single sound when they handed her to me…she just grabbed my finger and looked up at me as if to say, “Well, it sure took you long enough!”

Secondly, three days after she joined our family we were given the opportunity to visit her orphanage. We were presented with several gifts from her orphanage including the clothes her birth mother had placed her in and the note that was left with her. We were also given the blanket she used while she was at the orphanage. Later that night at the hotel while I was showering, Garry was inspecting everything. When I got out of the shower, he was sitting on the bed crying. I asked him what was wrong and he told me to take a look at Hope’s blanket. Before I continue, I have to tell you I was extremely worried about how our two cats were going to take this huge change in their lives. I truly wasn’t worried about her adjusting…just them! He moved out of the way, and there, woven into my most treasured daughter’s blanket, were two kitties; one of them with grey tiger stripes like my Garth, and the other all black, like my Humphrey. Garry said, “Now, no more worrying. Your daughter has been sleeping under this blanket for the last eleven months. I think everything is going to be O.K. once we get home.” He was right. It was.