Fingerprint Friday---A Letter To Hope's Birth Mama

Fingerprint Friday is hosted by Beki.

There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that says:

I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know its true
You're a masterpiece
That all creation quietly applauds
And you're covered with the fingerprints of God

Dear Birth Mama,

I don't know your name...or where you live...or even if you are still a part of this world...but I wanted to let you know that your daughter...my daughter...OUR daughter is the most precious gift you have ever given.

My husband and I named her Hope An-Li...An meaning tranquility and Li meaning strength. The name chosen for her by the CWI staff was Han Tao meaning cold, big waves. I wish I knew what name you had chosen for her. I'd tell her you know. We talk about you all the time. She knows you loved her and wanted the best for her. She knows you kept her for a week before, for whatever reason, you chose not to. She knows that it might have been because she was so sick she couldn't keep food down and you couldn't afford medical care for her. (By the way, the staff at the CWI took excellent care of her. They fed her every single hour until she was able to gain weight and thrive.) She knows that you might have had to place her for adoption due to cultural reasons. She also knows that you dressed her as warmly as you could and placed her in a busy area where she would be found right away. We have pictures of the school where she was found...did you know I used to be a teacher? I don't know the name of the person who found her, but he or she took her to the police station and the police took her to the Anqing Children's Welfare Institute that same day. We have the clothes you dressed her in...and the note you left pinned to her. I can only imagine how precious these things are going to be to her one day.

The above picture was taken the day she joined our family. That is the director of the CWI, Mme. Xu Xian Mei. She is such an amazing woman. If Hope couldn't have been with you or me, then I'd want her to be with Mme. Xu.

She turned six last week. Can you believe it? It seems like just yesterday we were in China and she was being placed in my arms. She's a pretty awesome kid. She loves music...and she loves to sing...like me. She loves puzzles and figuring things out...like her Daddy. She is more beautiful than these pictures could ever portray. I think she looks just like you...even though I've never seen you. Her hair...her eyes...her skin...these are all you. She talks all the time...I mean it...ALL the time. She is scary smart. She loves to read books and write the answers to questions about them in her reading journal. She can do incredibly difficult math problems. She likes to build with Legos...and play with Hot Wheels cars. She started school last fall and loves it. She often wonders what you are good at and what you like to do.

She lost her first tooth this week. She was sooooo excited.

I don't know why you couldn't keep her. But I know it was probably the hardest thing you've ever had to do...walking away from her and knowing you'd probably never hear anything about her ever again. I think of you often...but especially around her birthday. I know you must be thinking of her then and wondering what has become of her. I hold no anger towards you...how could I? You gave me our child. She is my LIFE. I didn't know what living was until I held her for the first time. When I find myself losing patience with her or snapping at her, it's your eyes that I see looking back at me filled with tears...you are always here.

You know...the first time we saw her she had these little pointed ears...we called them Spock ears. But the more we looked at them, the point was more of a little squished spot that was just the size of a thumbprint. We've called them "God's thumbprints" ever since. We told her that when she was born, God put His thumbprint on her to show that THIS baby was the one chosen just for us. And she was...she truly was. Thank you from the very depths of my soul Birth Mama...I can never repay you for this gift. But I can and will raise her to the very best of my ability. She will be well fed...and well educated...and loved beyond all measure. I would die for our child.

I pray that somehow God would bless you with the knowledge that she is with a family who loves her unconditionally now and forever.

Thank you so very much,

Fingerprints Of God can be found on my playlist at the bottom of this page.

Fingerprint Friday---Two Teeny Tiny Teeth

Fingerprint Friday is hosted by Beki.

There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that says:

I can see the fingerprints of God

When I look at you

I can see the fingerprints of God

And I know its true

You're a masterpiece

That all creation quietly applauds

And you're covered with the fingerprints of God

Well...that precious little bundle is Hope. That photo was taken shortly after she came home in February of 2004. The reason I dug it out? Well...it is simply ridiculous how excited I am about this...but...see those two teeny tiny teeth poking out of her bottom gums? When she was placed into my arms by Mme. Xu on January 29th, 2004 it felt like the first time I had exhaled in my entire life. A feeling of complete and utter peace enveloped me. *My* baby...the one God had chosen for me...was FINALLY in my arms. I remember smelling her sweet baby smell...how rough her tiny bit of black hair felt...how big her huge dark eyes were looking up at me...how her tiny hand immediately grasped my index finger...how she gave me this look like, "So what TOOK you so long?"...of course I remember I was sobbing all over her and whispering over and over and over, "I love you Han Tao." The next voice I heard was Garry's, "Mama...stop bogarting the baby!" I laughed...and although I knew I'd have to let him hold her for the first time eventually, he was just going to have to wait a few seconds longer. Then he started talking about her "teefies". Yeah...he'll kill me...but we were both talking baby talk to her about her "teefies". I hadn't the slightest notion my child had teefies...or two teeny tiny bottom teeth. There was a momentary flash of sadness because it was one of many firsts we had missed but it was soon replaced with complete joy because she was finally with us.

Today at lunch, my soon to be six year old took a bite out of her English muffin and said, "Ouch!" Hope tends to have a flair for the dramatic so I waited a bit knowing that she had at least one more and much louder "OUCH!" waiting to come out. She took another bite...sure enough..."OUCH!" I said, "What's wrong honey?" She said, "My teeth Mama!" I said, "Did you bite your tongue?" She shook her head yes then took another bite and by the look on her face I knew she was in pain AND concerned. She said, "Mama...my teeth hurt. Do I have a cavity?" I asked her where it hurt...and you guessed it...she pointed to one of those two original teeny tiny teeth. I reached over and felt both of them...and my baby has her first loose tooth. When I told her what was going on you would've thought I'd told her we were going to Disney World. The next few moments were spent learning how to take bites from the SIDE instead of head on...and then we called Daddy and gave him the good news. Claire also had to get on the phone and give Daddy her two year old version of the events which had just transpired. It sounded very much like this, "Daddy! Hopie! OUCH!" Once I had the phone back to my ear Daddy said, "It's a lucky thing we bought that doll!"

Said doll is Carrie The Tooth Fairy. Carrie is doubly special because she is named Carrie...after my sweet friend in Dublin...and because she was created by my dear friend Carol from Rose Creek Cottage. I've collected Carol's dolls for YEARS...and now, very soon, Hope will have her first Ragamuffin. A picture of Carrie The Tooth Fairy as we first saw her can be seen at Carol's blog here. She has lovely dark hair...and big brown eyes...and is dressed all in pink. Hope doesn't know that she exists yet...we'll wait until that teeny tiny tooth has made it's escape before we introduce the two of them.

So, this afternoon has been one of memories...wonderful, wonderful memories...and a shared first...I don't plan on ever missing another.

Hugs y'all!



P.S. Carol...I guess we'll be needing another one of those dolls for baby sister in a few years!

Fingerprints Of God can be found on my playlist at the bottom of this page.