Friday, March 12, 2010

Yep...Mel Results

Yeah...that's me right before my MRI Monday.  Nobody can rock a pair of scrub pants and two hospital gowns like Mel can.  The awesomely amazing boa was made for me by a friend who thought it might just cheer me up.  She was right.  Thanks Carol...and I told you I was going to wear it to my MRI.  Oh and folks?  You are noticing its color...right?

The MRI went well.  I had my two favorite girls.  They always make me smile...makes things go sooo much easier!  This time, while I was hanging upside down, with my boobs in a box, and my arms over my head, I decided to change my usual musical selection.  I've always chosen classical in the past.  This time?  Country.  I've been listening to so much Rascal Flatts lately...their words...their music...their harmonies are speaking to my heart.  Well...the first song that came shooting through my headphones before the Giant Magnetic Donut of Doom started clanging madly was...yep...Rascal Flatts.

The Health & Wellness Center has upgraded their machine...I believe at least twice since I've become a frequent flyer.  GOD BLESS THEM!!!  What used to take 45 minutes to an hour is now done in just under 30 minutes.  Once I was done there I ran a few errands.  The fact that the sun was shining and that I had been told I could stay out all day helped my mood immensely.  I did go home for lunch, let everyone know I was alive, and then took off again.  What wild and crazy things did I do?  I ended up at Lowe's...buying curtains and the hardware that goes with them...for Hope's room.  Remember my year long project...purging, organizing, and finishing?  I think the only thing I have left to do in Hope's room is buy a storage box for a few of her baby clothes I'm saving, and hang some pictures on her walls.  Claire's room is not far behind!

Sooo...results.  Well, they give you the standard, "Your results will be looked at by the radiologist today and that report will be sent to your surgeon.  You'll probably hear from them in about a week."  I think what really happens is that the radiologist looks at the scan, carves the results onto a stone tablet in sanskrit, straps it to the back of a turtle, (an elderly turtle) and points said turtle in the direction of my surgeon's office.

I really wasn't expecting to hear anything this week.  Occasionally, if I'm lucky, Amy will call me on the Thursday after the MRI...but it's usually the next Monday.  Well, she called me today.  Nothing has changed...and I have to have another MRI in six months. every other every six months for two years...whatever it takes.  I am relieved...but I am also incredibly angry.  I am a woman who likes, no, needs to know why.  God seems to be taking an inordinate amount of pleasure lately in just leaving me hanging...without answers...for anything.  And maybe...just maybe...that's what's bothering me the most...the fact that I may never have any answers...about anything.

I've been blessed to have a young woman in my life for...well...a very long time.  I was her first and second grade teacher but she's the one doing the educating now.  She is going through a somewhat similar situation and I was talking to her this morning right after I got my results.  Here is some of what this wise beyond her years young lady had to say:

"Well that is good news in a least I think so. And yes, it does suck because then it's another 6 months and it starts all over again. It's a constant reminder and pain in the ass..and it's always there!

I've realized that the answers NEVER come quick. It's such a slowwwww process and it eats you up, it really does. Mentally and's terrible!

and you're right, nothing does make sense.

Like someone amazing tells me all the time..."there is something amazing waiting at the end of this"...and I definitely believe that and you should too. It's definitely hard to believe it sometimes because of everything we have gone through but I'm praying that it's true. And even though I'm a little upset with God right now about everything...I know he's doing it for a reason, a GOOD reason."

Don't you just hate it when someone actually pays attention to you and then throws your words right back at you?  ::sigh::  Lisa...I love you...don't you ever forget it.  I'm going to try my hardest to believe that there is something amazing waiting for me at the end of this.  I don't know why it's so easy for me to think and feel and know that that is true for everyone I've said it to, and yet not for myself.

So there you have it promised...Mel Results.

Later y'all,


Jay said...

"I think what really happens is that the radiologist looks at the scan, carves the results onto a stone tablet in sanskrit, straps it to the back of a turtle, (an elderly turtle) and points said turtle in the direction of my surgeon's office."

Ahahahahahaha! Ain't that the truth? ROFL!!

Well, I'm glad to hear that this time they made a mistake and strapped the tablets to a younger turtle - and I'm glad to hear that all is well for now. You know, all that may have changed is that you perhaps swung over some invisible date-line. Maybe, for women with your particular problems, they haul you in yearly up to a certain age and then six monthly? Could it be as simple as that?

Whatever is going on, *Hugs* to you. You are a courageous woman, and I LOVE the boa! I may have to steal that idea! ;)

Mel said...

Yes Jay, you NEED a boa!

There are no guidelines for breast MRI's at this point. My surgeon wants me to have them at least once every other year because my breast tissue is so dense hardly nothing shows up on a mammogram. What the MRI's are finding are *tiny* little spots that don't show up in the mammograms nor the ultrasounds most times. Whatever these spots are, change and grow and sometimes, thank you God, disappear completely. They are not cysts, but those are reported as waxing and waning as well.

I'm at a pretty high risk for breast cancer...mother and her sister both had first biopsy years ago was indeed "pre-cancerous". I try and convince myself that they are just being vigilant. As the MRI tech asked me, "No history or treatment of breast cancer for YOU, right?" I said, "Right...and we're going to keep it that way."

Hugs right back 'atcha are my hero. ")

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