Friday, October 09, 2009

The Whinging Hormone---Bizarre Cravings

Anybody out there ever read "The Whinging Hormone"? I didn't think so. That was the name of my Super Secret Smack Talkin' blog. I haven't written anything for it in ages. It started out as a place to vent...semi-anonymously. I didn't want to have anything negative on this blog...anything to bother or offend or otherwise tick anybody off. Well y'all, I've worked long and hard to put all of the pieces of Mel together and sometimes? You're just not going to get sweetness and light! ; ) And yes, it's still out there. If you can find it you're a much better stalker than I am and I will give you a reward befitting of your talents. And no, it doesn't count if you already know where it is.

So let's talk perimenopause. Oh stop screaming you bunch of sissies. I've been living with it for more years than I care to count now. It's the never ending pause that doesn't refresh. Have you ever seen the episode of Roseanne called "PMS I Love You"? Oh...mother of's on youtube...go watch it. It is so absolutely freakin' PERFECT in its depiction of PMS. I laugh until I cry every single time I see it. Of course, my family cries as well...just not from laughter. It was hysterically funny when I wasn't going through it myself. Now? It's still hysterically funny.

Today I'd like to focus on the strange cravings that have been cropping up for the last few years. And by strange cravings I mean of the FOOD variety. Sheesh people...

Peter Pan peanut butter...yummmm. This isn't that unusual. I've been downing Peter Pan since I was a child. But now? I literally can't get enough of it. One of my favorite combos is spreading it on graham crackers and then sprinkling that with a rather generous handful of semi-sweet chocolate chips. Not so bizarre I admit...but dee-licious. I've also gotten into the habit of eating it by the spoonful straight out of the jar...and no...I don't double dip.

Something else worth trying? Sunchips dipped in Peter Pan. Did I happen to mention that they are the French Onion variety?

While we were on vacation last July, I managed to snag a donut for breakfast one morning. It looked a whole lot better than what it tasted...yellow cake, chocolate frosting, sprinkled with chocolate chips. It was sweet enough to set my teeth on edge. As many of you know, I've never met a donut I couldn't fix. Yep, covered it with peanut butter...ate every bit of it.

How about this one? A peanut butter sandwich dipped in...salsa. While eating lunch one day I had finished my tortilla chips but still had salsa left, so I stuck my peanut butter sandwich into the dish and well...something wondrous was born.

But wait...there's more. Friday's has these wonderfully decadent Green Bean Fries...batter dipped green beans deep fried for your artery clogging pleasure. They serve them up with a delightful Wasabi Ranch dressing. I've been known to dip whatever I may be eating in said dressing...regular fries...chicken...or even spread it on my burger.

Did I mention that for my entire life I've had the world's weakest stomach? Seriously, I couldn't even THINK about eating things like this let alone actually doing it.

Sausage gravy. Yuck. I ordered it once when I went out for breakfast with a friend of mine and her brother when we were in college. I thought it would gross them out. I was right. Fast forward to a year ago. The family was at Bob Evans. The spousal unit was spooning some sausage gravy onto his biscuits. I asked him if I could have some. I started dipping my onion rings in it...ended up finishing it. Oh! Same vacation where I spread the peanut butter on the donut? The next morning I had blueberry pancakes...with sausage gravy smeared all over them. Honestly, that sounds so good right now I'm tempted to get some for dinner...

A recent addition to the hormonal line-up? Cracked Pepper and Olive Oil Triscuits. I literally can't stop eating them. My lips, tongue, and entire mouth will be nose is eyes are watering...and I'll just keep eating them. Today? The Hormonal Gods are in high control. For lunch I had...are you ready? To begin with, I had the swiss steak know...the bits that are left in the crock pot? Tomatoes, onions, carrots, celery, little pieces of steak...::sigh:: I spread that on the aforementioned Triscuits. I also had a cheese stick...and an apple thrown in just for good measure. After that?

A substantial portion of Smith's Peanut Butter Crunch ice cream covered in Smucker's Hot Fudge. No, I didn't heat it. That would ruin the consistency of the chocolate. I like it thick and gooey...and have been known to eat it by the spoonful allll by itself.

And now I'm having a cup of Typhoo. Yes, I realize some of you are developing an ulcer just reading this. I apologize.

I have been blessed with a high metabolism which I plan on keeping that way by daily exercise. When my body wants some strange combination of foods, I'm going to indulge. I recently had a friend tell me, "'re like...perpetually pregnant or something."

The Boy Cub, also known as my friend Andrew, shared with me this morning, that he was going to KFC. Considering Andrew lives in another time zone, and is 5-6 hours ahead of me, that made sense for him. However, as of 8:40 this morning all I can think of is KFC. Did I mention he had it for dinner as well? And won't stop talking about it? It's a lucky thing he holds Lifetime Pass 002 of 003...otherwise...grrrrr...

So what's for dinner tonight? I'm thinking leftover pizza! Hey, it's bath night too! I think I'll enjoy some peanut butter M&M's in the tub.

Later y'all,


Carolina said...

It's a good thing most, no any of the stuff you describe isn't available over here. Curious as I am, I would be tempted to try these culinary combinations. Although some of them sound disgusting. Saucage gravy on blueberry pancakes. Yuck! I think. But maybe not. Fortunately I will never find that out. Bon appetit!

Carolina said...

Hey you! Mad woman! I've left you an award over at my place. So if you'd like to come and collect it ;-)

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